to have got one of DS's nails painted?

[CuddleNinja]

Took 3 year old DS with me to get my nails done and actively offered him the opportunity, I usually take older DD but she was doing a sports camp and I always offer her... so it just felt normal for me to offer him. The lady instantly said how we can do 1 nail for him, which is the most popular amongst men and he nodded his head. DH isn't pleased, which honestly annoyed me because we had discussed our parenting decisions way before we had kids and were always on the same wavelength on stuff and he said he would have been all for it, if it was actually DS ASKING and the issue is that I am suggesting things that aren't "usual" at such a young age. He then added that it could have been a "less girly" design... it's a star by the way. Was I unreasonable here? Genuinely want honest answers, as I am just trying to raise my children in the best way and if it was wrong, it was wrong and I will actually take it on board but can't tell if it is me or DH that needs to shift views

We would always buy "boys" or neutral. I think we both agree we probably wouldn't pick up a pink top with fairies on it, unless DS asked for that. He thinks it falls into the same category and maybe it does and maybe I am wrong for thinking they are different!

I remember once doing my toes and my 2 youngest wanted their toes done so I did them multicoloured they loved them - both boys. Wouldn’t now but at 3/4 was just a bit of fun I have all boys and none get their nails done or wear nail polish not that I’d care if they did they had dolls and prams too. It shouldn’t be unusual

Totally harmless and fun. It’s just colour at the end of the day. Your DH is being weird about this.

Loads of very masculine but ‘alternative’ guys wear nail polish anyway, if your DH somehow thinks nail polish is only for girls.

So only pretending not to have strict gendered ideas, so the nail varnish thing isn’t actually a surprise.

I'm keen to do better, as I like to think I don't have any kind of strict gendered ideas. Do you just buy stuff from the "girls'" section for your son? As I say, I have no issue if he wants to and there has definitely been times we have been wandering around both and he has liked something, usually unicorn related and I do buy that for him. I just wouldn't pick it up by myself and put it on him 😫but I guess I cannot really explain why

I'm guessing you'd have allowed your dd at the same age so yanbu - the fact that I, like PPs, wouldn't have allowed any child nail polish at that age is irrelevant to this situation. If it's good enough for one it's good enough for either. It doesn't sound like your DH is objecting to the chemical composition of it being nail varnish either.

I think he's being obtuse about the 'offering' part, only a very confident or bolshy child would ask 'can I have/do' about everything they might like, not a habit I'd want to encourage, some things you wait to be offered. With the example of a princess dress it would be fine to offer to buy an outfit/costume surely? Then it of course would be up to him what he chose. You only offered for him to join in with having nails done, you didn't say 'ds, do you want all your nails painted in pastel pink gels with roses on'.

And how is a star girly ffs - stars are essentially overheated balls of stinking gas, how many more male stereotypes could you want 😂

We buy any clothes that are the right size for our children, our son is eight now so he’ll often pick something and he doesn’t stick to the ‘boys’ bit, our daughter is a toddler, so no choice really as yet, she often rocks a variety of pokemon t-shirts from the ‘boys’ section, you can assure your husband she hasn’t grown a willy!

Your ideas are confused, you are happy to paint his nails but wouldn't buy him pink, why not?

DS has long hair because he likes it, his favourite toy at the moment is a pink and purple sparkly patterned schleich axolotl, that I bought without him having to ask for it, in the same way I bought him a car for his speed track without him asking.
Either toys are toys and clothes are clothes to you or they're not.
FWIW I wouldn't paint a 3 year old's nails male or female, but I suspect that's not what this is about

Where did I say I wouldn't buy him pink? YES, I would and have!!! I would buy him the pinkest, most sparkly dress if he wanted it. I have also got pink clothes that I picked out for him, but I just wouldn't purposely buy a very frilly, obviously aimed at girls outfit for him, without him expressing an interest in it?

He has loads of toys that are pink, an octopus thing, a doll, unicorn toys... things that I bought him without asking. I just wouldn't buy a dress or frilly leggings if he didn't express a like for them...

YANBU

My 4yo DS actually has a signature style with nail varnish that he gets me to put on him every few weeks. It’s a pattern of cerise, dark grey and turquoise. It was his idea and is surprisingly nice!

He loves all things purple and sparkly and, to my grandmother’s horror, loves playing with dolls. He’s also very into Lego, sword fighting, transformers, and wants to be a Papa and a fireman when he grows up. In other words, he’s a normal little kid with a vibrant personality. I think his trademark nail varnish is a rather sweet element of that!

I voted YABU. I think YABU to have any 3 year old's nails painted in the same way that I wouldn't allow a 3 year old to have professional make up applied to them.

If they're at home and paint their nails (and entire body) with poster paint - that's fine.

It's a tiny star, not sure what the issue is... this wasn't really about the age

Bloody hell, really?!

But you didn't suggest it the lady did and your son liked the idea...did you act any differently to if it were your DD ie not offer when it was suggested?
Your DH is being ridiculous.

And was your DD in boys or neutral?

I think the painted nail looks great!

All kids generally love getting their nails painted regardless of gender.

My DS has blue glittery nail varnish on his toes. He often asks for his fingers to be done, but as it's not permitted at school then i refuse as he hates having the varnish removed!

But why does that matter?

OP has already said she’d happily follow her DS’s interests (and has indeed done so with the nail polish).

I just feel like these things are only applauded if you’re going for colours/ items typically associated with the opposite gender. If OP now says actually she dressed her daughter in lots of pink that would be met with further knowing comments along the lines of ‘see you’re actually really regressive’, but if she’d dressed her son in pink as a matter of course that would be cool?

The PP whose daughter is dressed in Pokémon t-shirts is held up as a great example, but if it was a son in Pokémon stuff - yawn, how stereotypical, why don’t you get him a princess dress?

When I was pregnant I was quite determined not to follow gender stereotypes, and I definitely dressed DD according to whatever I liked best from either boy/ or girl section. I still do when I get to choose but as it happens I now have a 3 year old with very clear ideas about what she will and won’t wear, who is really into pink and unicorns and wants to be a ballerina (we took her to both toddlers football and rugbytots but she just wants to dance!) - I almost feel bad sometimes like ‘oh crap we’ve not tried hard enough to fight these gender stereotypes!’ But we’re genuinely just following her current interests and that’s all you can do really.

That said, I wouldn’t take her to a nail salon I don’t think - I can’t imagine trying to entertain her long enough to get my own done and I’d worry about fumes/ dust etc but probably OTT of me.

Yes, really

You can't say your gender neutral with dress if you shun certain colours for each sex so pink princess for a girl but neutral for a boy isn't really being gender neutral is it?
Personally I do stick to what would be typically but I don't claim otherwise.

Weird.

Your DH and his fragile grasp on what masculinity are the issue.

Care to elaborate?

It’s just a star transfer, as far as I can see. Cute, but doesn’t scream ‘girly’ (not that it would matter if it did).

Weird reaction from your husband.