I would like to know if I'm being stupid, or if other people would feel the same as me.
My OH isnt from the UK and he emigrated here to live with me a year ago.
He hates it.
Before he emigrated he had been here many times to stay with me, often for extended periods and we had a fantastic time. However since he moved he's been a nightmare.
I get that England isn't paradise especially lately, but here are my problems with it.
He keeps suggesting we move together to another country
This is upsetting because logistically due to family reasons, I can't do this.
He's not given things a reasonable chance. He complains but makes no effort of any kind to improve things
For example:
He complains all the time that he hates working free overtime, but he keeps doing it. For example he did 12 hours yesterday when it's meant to be a break.
He complains he has no friends, but he doesn't ever want to do anything with anyone but me. When he first got here we had invitations and he always made excuses.
He complains he wants hobbies he enjoys but then says he's too knackered from working the free overtime to do anything.
The worst one is, he keeps harking back to how amazing and wonderful life was with his ex!!!
He hates his job. He hates the weather. He hates the noise and crowds. He hates that he makes much less money. He complains he has no friends. He complains he has no hobbies anymore. He complains he keeps getting colds. He complains everything is so expensive.
He had a life before me, which he loved. He loved his mates, he loved his well paid job with private office. He loved the weather and spending weekends at the beach. He had a much nicer house. He had a lot less stress.
Now, I understand all this. I've emigrated myself several times and I appreciate living in the UK right now is no picnic and I'm happy to encourage him and help him to feel more settled.
However, I find it extremely upsetting that the "old life" he keeps saying he misses, was a life with his ex. The house he shared with her. The friends. The hobbies. It was all with her. Which I find massively upsetting and I'm sick and tired of him acting like life with me is a chappy consolidation prize.
Before responding:
No, I am not the "other woman". He was done with her before we met.
No, I do not think he wants to be with her, as it was him who broke it off as he said he didn't love her and she tried for a very long time to beg him back.
Yes, I have told him if he hates it so much to leave (he says it would be impossible to be happy without me)
I know if he wants to stay here and create a valued life with me that he has to help create this and stop being so negative.
But what I want to know is: AIBU to be deeply hurt that he's spent the first year of our life "together" telling me that his life with his ex was better - massively- by almost every measurable metric???
He honestly says the ONLY good thing about his life now is me.