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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is on purpose?

114 replies

amisrong · 27/08/2023 10:04

DP and I have been together for two years. Last year he forgot my birthday. He apologised, bought me two things the next day but it was pretty rubbish. My birthday is on Tuesday and I know that as of right now, DP hasn't gotten me anything. I'm certain he forgot that it was so soon but yesterday I think his daughter mentioned it to him. Since then, DP has been in a massive grump with me with no explanation- I'm pretty much getting the silent treatment and yesterday when we were going to bed, he suggested I sleep in the guest room (I didn't). I've tried talking to him, but he's just ignoring me, won't look at me etc. AIBU to think that the reason he's behaving like this is to set a tone in which he will be in some way excused for making no effort for my birthday? I'm actually not well right now and he's being so cold.

OP posts:
WunWun · 27/08/2023 10:05

It's definitely on purpose and I would calmly say that to him.

CaroleSinger · 27/08/2023 10:07

Have you asked him?

HamishTheCamel · 27/08/2023 10:07

I would definitely talk to him even if you don't mention the birthday. Ask him why he wanted you to sleep in the spare room last night? I hate men who sulk or give the silent treatment Angry

Original poster
amisrong · 27/08/2023 10:08

@HamishTheCamel I asked him if I had upset him and that he seemed off with me, apparently he doesn't feel well.

OP posts:
AllProperTeaIsTheft · 27/08/2023 10:09

He sounds like a total twat. Why are you with a man who behaves like this?

CremeEggThief · 27/08/2023 10:10

Why the hell didn't he go in the guest room if he wanted a bit of space? Cheeky fucker!

Do you really want a relationship with someone who puts the blame on you for when he's forgotten something?

Nochoiceleft · 27/08/2023 10:11

My dad used to do this. Birthday’s and Christmas. He is not a pleasant man.

crumblylancs · 27/08/2023 10:12

🚩

Porageeater · 27/08/2023 10:12

He sounds awful.

CreeperBoom · 27/08/2023 10:13

Is he annoyed at you for not reminding him? I.e. in his eyes, setting him up to fail? Not saying it is your job to do that, it absolutely isn't. But, does he think it is?

Trenchfootinthescottishhighlandstoday · 27/08/2023 10:13

Well if he isn't well you make plans with family /friends and leave the fucker at home.

Then ltb for good.
What a twat.

Original poster
amisrong · 27/08/2023 10:29

@CreeperBoom I don't think so, he wrote it on the calendar himself months ago (that he checks every few days for football matches, appointments etc).

OP posts:
Phleghm · 27/08/2023 10:31

What the fuck, this is insanely horrible behaviour. I'm pretty laid back but I'd dump him, he's punishing you for absolutely nothing.

10HailMarys · 27/08/2023 10:34

He sounds horrible.

Original poster
amisrong · 27/08/2023 10:45

So I'm not crazy to think that this is on purpose?

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 27/08/2023 10:52

crumblylancs · 27/08/2023 10:12

🚩

I agree.

sandyhappypeople · 27/08/2023 10:54

I would never EVER tolerate someone giving me the silent treatment and obviously having the hump with me and not telling me why, that would be a relationship ender for me I’m afraid.

i had an ex who used to get angry at me if he forgot my birthday, I was always disappointed but never made a fuss as we didn’t live together, but if he found out a few days later, he’d get mad that I didn’t tell him in advance.. to which I’d get mad and tell him I’m not his fucking secretary.. it’s fucking pathetic.. anyone, and I mean ANYONE can set an alert on their phone if they aren’t good at remembering things, if things mean that much to them, they remember.

Pixiedust1234 · 27/08/2023 10:58

Why did he automatically assume you would sleep in the guest room, why didn't he go? Does he get to decide on how things are run/done in the home and you just follow?

And yes. He's doing it on purpose. You've only been together two years and its only going to get worse. Leave and have a happier life Flowers

Daleksatemyshed · 27/08/2023 11:06

He can't admit he's made the mistake of forgetting your birthday so he's trying to make it your fault @amisrong . You're not crazy but he is immature or has a big ego, neither one is a good bet long term

VibrantThingie · 27/08/2023 11:07

Does he lack generosity of spirit in other areas of life?

OhComeOnFFS · 27/08/2023 11:16

This comes up quite often on here - does anyone remember a recent thread where the husband said he'd left the present at home (they were on holiday for her birthday) - of course it wasn't there.

You've been together two years. The first years of your relationship are the best - it's not good, is it?

Do you think he resents you having a special day and wants to ruin it for you?

Either way, I think you are far, far too good for him and you should dump him.

Original poster
amisrong · 27/08/2023 11:34

I've tried speaking to him but he's actively avoiding me. To be honest, I'm not bothered about presents but, if he does forget, it's the lack of thought. Is it possible that now if he 'forgets', he doesn't have an excuse as his daughter spoke to him about it yesterday and he's in a mood about that? Or am I massively overthinking this?

OP posts:
Prelapsarianhag · 27/08/2023 11:35

He is a total cunt. Value yourself and leave him.

Original poster
amisrong · 27/08/2023 11:37

@OhComeOnFFS I did read that thread the other day, I can't believe he made up a present that didn't exist. I don't think he resents me having a 'special' day, he tells me how wonderful he thinks I am every few weeks or so, which is why I don't understand his attitude to this.

OP posts:
Garihairy · 27/08/2023 11:43

Beware the man who doesn't want you to enjoy your birthday.

Beware the man who makes you doubt yourself.