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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband annual leave

76 replies

Shablam · 26/08/2023 23:54

After providing my husband with my annual leave dates (I work in a team with several part-time workers, so my annual leave needs to work around theirs) six months ago, we finally sat down tonight to plan a break during my remaining week off in September.

All going well (i checked cat sitter was free etc), until he reveals he has not booked the time off, and his colleague is off for part of that week and so he can't be.

I became very upset, having taken his request to discuss a September holiday (and reminding him of my leave dates) to mean we could discuss and book. He called me histrionic for getting upset that we couldn't actually book a holiday because he hasn't booked annual leave. Apparently normal people book the holiday then get the time off.

I am both angry and feeling like i'm in the wrong. AIBU to think you book leave and then arrange a holiday when confirmed? And that 6 months is enough notice to sort your shit out?

OP posts:
Furryrug · 26/08/2023 23:57

I'd never book a holiday without checking that I can have annual leave. What an idiot, I'd be upset too.

WineIsMyMainVice · 26/08/2023 23:58

YANBU
Most annual leave policies will say not to make travel arrangements until your leave has been authorised at work!
Hope you get the break you deserve at some point soon!

Original poster
Shablam · 27/08/2023 00:00

Thank you - that's my view. He's acted like i'm insane for thinking that.

OP posts:
Fifipop185 · 27/08/2023 00:00

Yep, we always have to have annual leave agreed before you book the holiday. I'd be furious OP and very tempted to book somewhere really nice and go by myself.

Hawkins009 · 27/08/2023 00:00

I'd confirm days off first then I'd book holiday etc, what was your dh thinking?

Original poster
Shablam · 27/08/2023 00:01

Thanks! We haven't been away for 4 years, and I was excited to book at least a short break.

OP posts:
RNBrie · 27/08/2023 00:02

I used to have a guy work for me and his wife would email me before booking any holidays to check he'd booked annual leave. He never had. Sometimes the team could accommodate it and sometimes not. I had no issue replying to her emails but I was glad I wasn't married to him.

Candleabra · 27/08/2023 00:03

I’d be upset too.
Of course you have to book annual leave before a holiday. Does he always blame you for things that are his fault?

Original poster
Shablam · 27/08/2023 00:05

When it's his fuckup, yes. He's supposed to drive me for a hospital appointment tomorrow but i think i'll make me own way, rather than be blamed for getting him up early.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shablam · 27/08/2023 00:06

I'm sorry you've been put in that position.

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 27/08/2023 00:06

I think it depends where you work, I could easily book a holiday THEN request time off work, but I know when I can be off and it doesn't matter if anyone else is off at the same time.

If I worked somewhere there was a chance I would be told no because someone else was off then I would absolutely book in my leave as soon as it was discussed then we would find a holiday to match.

Your husband is a tit and is completely in the wrong here. Honestly go on holiday without him.....he's ruined your leave.

Deathbyfluffy · 27/08/2023 00:09

Man here - your husband is an idiot. The usual process is:

  • check if leave dates available
  • confirm holiday is available for those dates
  • book leave
  • then book holiday
Original poster
Shablam · 27/08/2023 00:12

Thanks all. I know that my annual leave dates are a bit inflexible but he's had six months to flag any issues. I've tried to calmly explain why i'm upset but he's not interested in listening.

OP posts:
Hawkins009 · 27/08/2023 00:13

Shablam · 27/08/2023 00:12

Thanks all. I know that my annual leave dates are a bit inflexible but he's had six months to flag any issues. I've tried to calmly explain why i'm upset but he's not interested in listening.

What's his industry ?

Frozensun · 27/08/2023 00:15

Book your holiday anyway. I wouldn’t stay home for the week. He can join you for the days he has available or he can stay at home.

Hawkins009 · 27/08/2023 00:17

Frozensun · 27/08/2023 00:15

Book your holiday anyway. I wouldn’t stay home for the week. He can join you for the days he has available or he can stay at home.

That's true, have a trip away op, and enjoy.

Original poster
Shablam · 27/08/2023 00:18

Dev, small team. His one co-worker seems to be able to be off sick/on leave at a moment's notice (he rarely is pre-warned that they will be off). He has taken around two days leave for our birthdays this year. He was discussing taking time off to visit his friend overseas in November with his boss on friday, guess he forgot time off to holiday with me...

OP posts:
Original poster
Shablam · 27/08/2023 00:19

Very tempted. So far i've wasted 2 weeks at home because he didn't book time off. I think having my own holiday is the solution.

OP posts:
mrsfollowill · 27/08/2023 00:21

Always check if annual leave is available first - I've just (as in 30 mins ago) booked a week away abroad for DH and me plus adult DS - we all booked the leave from work first! I'm a line manager and the wife of one one of my staff emails me direct to book his leave- I know her- she used to work in our dept and moved on.
Before anyone asks- yes I tell him and ask if he really wants that week or day off and he always does. If she doesn't do it he wanders up to me the week before the six week school summer holidays or half terms and says he really needs to be off when we are fully booked and no more leave allowed. It's easy these days with online calendars/planners.

TomatoSandwiches · 27/08/2023 00:23

Your husband knows how it works but doesn't care about spending time with you so is gaslighting you to absolve himself.

I'd go on holiday by myself.

Original poster
Shablam · 27/08/2023 00:24

I don't feel like i'm being unreasonable but he's left me feeling so frustrated/stupid, like my approach is abnormal. I don't want to go anywhere with him now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shablam · 27/08/2023 00:26

This is how it feels right now. I need to have a think because this behaviour is not okay.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 27/08/2023 00:27

Shablam · 27/08/2023 00:24

I don't feel like i'm being unreasonable but he's left me feeling so frustrated/stupid, like my approach is abnormal. I don't want to go anywhere with him now.

He knows you are right, he just doesn't care about spending his annual leave with you, he is not a good husband.

Original poster
Shablam · 27/08/2023 00:29

He very rarely takes any leave. But yes, interesting that he can make it work for a friend but not for me.

OP posts:
Blanketpolicy · 27/08/2023 00:30

We do around the same time. We dont pay for the holiday until dates approved in work, but also dont ask for dates in work until we have liked at the holiday and know what dates we need.

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