Husband annual leave

[Shablam]

After providing my husband with my annual leave dates (I work in a team with several part-time workers, so my annual leave needs to work around theirs) six months ago, we finally sat down tonight to plan a break during my remaining week off in September.

All going well (i checked cat sitter was free etc), until he reveals he has not booked the time off, and his colleague is off for part of that week and so he can't be.

I became very upset, having taken his request to discuss a September holiday (and reminding him of my leave dates) to mean we could discuss and book. He called me histrionic for getting upset that we couldn't actually book a holiday because he hasn't booked annual leave. Apparently normal people book the holiday then get the time off.

I am both angry and feeling like i'm in the wrong. AIBU to think you book leave and then arrange a holiday when confirmed? And that 6 months is enough notice to sort your shit out?

How are things otherwise? Does he always leap to picking a fight then accusing you of doing so? I’d bet the issue is broader than just his annual leave.

Why does it matter?

@Shablam go away by yourself. Stuff him.

What's stopping you? He just can't go but you can. See if a pals free maybe.

Might teach him a lesson if he's left out of something fun.

Sounds to me like he doesn't want to go on holiday with you op. Do you do most of the organising and running the home? What does he bring to the table?

You have been reasonable, given notice. The only reason I could think of that could possibly support this inaction is if he is being bullied or harassed at work by the colleague who has booked the time off, and so dare not book until last minute in case the colleague wants that time. I doubt this is the case.

Your leave doesn't need to work around part time colleagues it needs to be a fair system! I'd be tempted to booked the holiday around DHs leave and call in sick (6 weeks sick note for stress because of it).

OP, you may find this useful. You have my sympathy. I have a partner who does this compulsively, though he has got better. He knows all it achieves is an escalated argument because I refuse to be shut down.

https://www.verywellmind.com/coping-when-your-spouse-shuts-down-4097175#:~:text=Stonewalling%20involves%20refusing%20to%20communicate,and%20harmful%20to%20the%20relationship.

I've never known a company policy to not state that annual leave must be booked prior to holidays being booked.

If you've given him plenty of notice and what dates to book - and his colleague has got there in the time he could have requested the dates then it's entirely his fault.

What the fuck is wrong with him? He’s a stupid, selfish prick.

This is what your marriage is like and you haven’t yet been married for a year? This isn’t good. Time for a hard think about what you want from marriage and life.

I'd just holiday without him, who needs to holiday with an idiot!

What a twat. He's embarrassed, knows he's done wrong, so instead blaming you for making it a drama.

My theory was depending on weather he was currently managing a critical project at the moment that could also be partly the reason as to why he could not take the time off,

Everywhere I’ve worked, and everyone I know, checks the dates work, books the holiday and then books the leave. So there is always a risk someone else books those dates in the meantime, but I don’t know anyone who books leave first and then books holiday.

Why were you planning a break at short notice? I was about to say it does suggest he’s not fussed about your break after your update re November, but equally that does suggest if your planned it sooner then he would have been able to take the time off.

Wtf

You'd call in sick to work so you could go on holiday with someone who can't be arsed to book leave for you, but can for his mate?

This is why companies don't pay CSP anymore and you just get SSP

You can have a holiday.. just not with him. I would consider if the consequences of going away on your own will make your life better.

Not everyone likes holidays especially if it's the same stuff but in a different place with the stress of getting there and coming home. Or different stuff in a different place.
Does he like holidays?

It's really poor form to book a holiday and then request the time off. It puts your work in a really awkward position.

I gave him all of my annual leave dates 6 months ago (my manager asked me to book and use my annual leave). He has failed to book anything other than 2 days that coincide and then on Wednesday he suddenly decided that we should book a break for September. I have been mentioning it for months - short notice is not how i like to operate!

on Wednesday he suddenly decided that we should book a break for September

How is he going to have a break in September with no annual leave? Does he not actually want to go away?

He sounds horrible op.

Please please go and book somewhere abroad, somewhere fabulous for yourself and go and have an amazing time.

Thank you, that's really helpful.

Exactly my point! Why on earth suggest sitting down and booking a holiday and then say "oh, i don't know if i can take that time off, looks like X has booked it off". It's infuriating, and typical. I have to organise everything.

Yeah, I'd be taking myself off to a spa hotel for a few nights. Let him jog on at work!

When I fist read this I thought you'd been married for years but it's only been a year!

If he's unwilling to take holidays with you now and gaslighting you, I would advise you to think very, very carefully before having any DC with him.

HIBCompletelyU.

Time for a solo holiday and be completely selfish in your choice. Or try and change your annual leave. And maybe time to kick him out, he has no respect for you.