There is something hugely wrong with me and I have no options left

[whatiswrongwithme128]

My anxiety and current mental state is through the roof right now. It’s crippling me and my relationship. I’m a 26 year old female.

I have had countless therapy and counselling which has had little effect. I am on Sertraline with again little effect. I’ve had anxiety diagnosed - I’ve also had ADHD, OCD and PTSD mentioned as possible reasons. I’m on the waiting list for an ADHD assessment.

It’s completely blown up over the last few weeks. I don’t feel present at all, I can’t relax and I’m going to sleep/waking up crying most of the time. I then feel guilty because my boyfriend has to put up with it all, because it’s happening most days, and I get even more upset and beat myself up that I’m not being myself. This is a HUGE cycle I’m in right now.

I can’t relax, my self esteem is through the floor, I don’t feel present, I’m on hyper alert all the time and I have constant brain fog.
I’m on hyper alert around my boyfriend - if he’s not directly touching me or talking to me I get worried. If he laughs a lot with his friends I worry I’m not doing that.

I have even suggested we split up for his own good, but he says that’s not my decision to makes and he wants to be with me. I’m really really lucky because he has said things like “there’s two of us in this, you’re not alone”, “we’ll figure it out together” etc.
I said I felt I had a black cloud over me and he said “good thing the weather changes each day” 🥺

So I am really lucky. But this is honestly crippling me. I currently can’t afford therapy and I’ve almost given up with meds, I’ve tried a few now. I really don’t know how to change going forward.
My brain knows all the rational things, but my horrible overthinking brain takes over every time.

Thank you so so much @Iwantcakeeveryday you have no idea how helpful your replies have been 💐
It’s the head hitting I’m so embarrassed about, it’s almost as if I’m trying to cancel the bad part of my brain or punish myself as I feel so useless

Medication for DD was a last resort. She tried counselling, CBT, tapping,, meditation, hobbies, exercise etc. etc. She tried alternatives for years. Medication was a last resort but it's working for her.

OP please do try everything you can to raise your mood and distract yourself. If you are trying for a long time though and nothing is working there is no shame is using medication.

DD was in mental agony for years and was having suicidal thoughts. Medication was a literal and figurative life saver for her.

You're welcome :) and don't worry about the head hitting, thats ok, shit happens, it's just a human frustration. It's ok to sometimes not be ok.

Thank you x

Wow I’m struggling

I don't think there is validity to saying you can't help yourself and that only drugs will. I have never had a professional healthcare person, psychologist, psychiatrist even, say this.

It's a matter of the lack of evidence base for other stuff. Medications can usually help, it's just a matter of finding the right one for the person. But there are a lot of flakey books, therapies, supplements etc out there with little or no evidence base at all. People can waste a lot of time and money on that and it can actually kill, by stopping people getting the evidence based help they need.

There are some therapies and approaches with an evidence base. Professionals (and not flakey ones- unfortunately there are a lot of therapists out there who believe all sorts of stuff) are the best people to ask about the best therapies/treatments for what the individual is dealing with.

How are you feeling today Whatiswrongwithme?