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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be friends after holiday behaviour

107 replies

Jev82 · 25/08/2023 22:38

I went on a big group holiday with some friends to the coast. I found one of my friends very rude. I drove us and had made plans to collect them all from a different city which took me 2 hours extra for their convenience. I was happy to do this but didn't want to drive in the dark at the end of the trip so asked everyone to be punctual. This friend was very dominant and changed all the pre-arranged plans so they arrived 3 hours late because she thought getting up early was unreasonable. I had to wait for them all this time in a car park.

She was rude to other friends of mine who weren't hers, sulked and shouted and I just don't want to be friends anymore because she was a nightmare. She wanted me to cut my holiday short for a day to drive her home because she had to work even though I was still on holiday. I felt she treated me like her assistant and an assistant to a horrible boss at that.

Other friends want me to forget it because it's making their lives more difficult as I am refusing to hang out with her. I don't care if they spend time together, I just don't want to be friends with someone like that so won't join them. AIBU?

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 26/08/2023 02:45

Wow talk about seeing someone’s true colours!

tiredofthenoise · 26/08/2023 03:23

Anyone who expects you to accept that type of mistreatment for their convenience is not a friend. I'd cut out anyone who tried to make me feel bad for finally standing up for myself.

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/08/2023 06:07

Are the friends who find you not wanting to hang out with her 'awkward' the same friends who also left you sat in a carpark for 3 hours waiting for them?

Did they know you were waiting, or did she change the plan without telling them you had no fucking idea.

I do not understand why you waited for 3 hours, I'd have let them know if they weren't there in half an hour, I'd be going without and they could make their own way there (or not fucking bother).

YANBU to want to ditch her, she sounds awful... the others, jury is out currently...

rwalker · 26/08/2023 06:11

The problem with people like this there so self absorbed and entitled I don’t think they have any idea how bad they are because nobody stands up or points it out to them so they see there behaviour as the norm

fuck her off

PimpMyFridge · 26/08/2023 06:15

You don't need people like that in your life.
We can't choose our family but we can choose our friends...

Shoxfordian · 26/08/2023 06:19

I hope you didn’t actually wait for her for three hours and drive her home a day early? You’re going to have to learn to say no

Pipsquiggle · 26/08/2023 06:32

She sounds awful

The driver should always get to dictate when they want to leave, particularly if it's massively helping the rest of the group.

Next time just say 'I am leaving at 10am. If you aren't there, you make your own way home'

Batalax · 26/08/2023 06:34

people want a favour then they fit in with you.

nettie434 · 26/08/2023 06:54

Are the friends who find you not wanting to hang out with her 'awkward' the same friends who also left you sat in a carpark for 3 hours waiting for them

I wondered that too. In which case they are all as bad as each other. Or do they get bossed around too? The 'friend' sounds dreadful and should certainly have apologised for her selfishness.

Viviennemary · 26/08/2023 07:13

You were in charge of times as you were the driver offering lifts. Sounds like your other friends are worried about missing out on lifts. Next time they bring up the subject say I've had quite enough of being treated like shit.,

itsgettingweird · 26/08/2023 07:18

Nope. Get rid

And have firm boundaries from day 1 with your new group of friends who deserve you.

If collection time is 10am. At 10.10am a quick text to see where everyone is and say you'll wait until 10.30.

This "friend" is dreadful but tbh so are all the others who decided who go along with her changed plans and make you wait too.

You deserve better Flowers

ChrisPPancake · 26/08/2023 07:34

You were a mug to wait for her in the first place @Jev82 - if you hadn't done that she wouldn't have been able to ruin your break!

Mellowautumnmists · 26/08/2023 07:35

Horrible behaviour - none of them have covered themselves in glory here.

I hope they contributed towards your petrol money?

grayhairdontcare · 26/08/2023 07:37

These people are not your friends.
You are being used for convenience.

Banditqueen12 · 26/08/2023 07:40

To be honest it sounds like you need new friends. If they cannot see that she is the problem, and think that it is you being unreasonable and inconveniencing them, then they prefer her company to yours. None of my friends would tolerate someone using a person like this.

Testina · 26/08/2023 07:43

“This friend was very dominant and changed all the pre-arranged plans so they arrived 3 hours late because she thought getting up early was unreasonable”

I’m curious as to what actually happened over the 3 hour thing - can you explain?

You switch between she and they, so it sounded like she pushed a subgroup into being ready for you later than agreed. Was that the 2 hour extra round trip city group?

I’m trying to work out why on Earth you would sit in your car like a lemon for 3 hours!

I can only think that she had agree with the group you were collecting to get to the car park later - and no-one told you? And you didn’t want to drive off as you might for one rude person, as other people were caught up in it?

I really don’t understand why you didn’t say no. Between them, there must have been another driver, surely? Not that they are your responsibility.

Of course you can and should ditch her.
But I’m struggling to understand what happened here - you just sat there in your car for three hours 😬

Testina · 26/08/2023 07:48

I’m just being nosy, but I’m also curious about location and timing. In August, in the U.K., what combination of locations means you have to get up early in order to not end up driving in the dark?! Even with the 2 hour detour.
Sure you could be driving 10 hours from Glasgow to St Ives, but it seems unlikely!

billy1966 · 26/08/2023 07:55

grayhairdontcare · 26/08/2023 07:37

These people are not your friends.
You are being used for convenience.

This.

You were extremely foolish to sit in a car park for 3 hours.

We teach people how to treat us.

Start working on your boundaries and self respect.

Serendipitoushedgehog · 26/08/2023 08:05

I had to wait for them all this time in a car park.

Id have driven off without them.

Justcallmebebes · 26/08/2023 08:15

Serendipitoushedgehog · 26/08/2023 08:05

I had to wait for them all this time in a car park.

Id have driven off without them.

Yep, me too

hylian · 26/08/2023 08:17

YANBU to not like her, but I can see why your other friends are upset if you refuse to even come to gatherings where she is present. That makes things hard for them as things have to be arranged separately with you.

GRex · 26/08/2023 08:23

You drove an hour in the wrong direction - why? They are adults, they should have got a train or hire car.
Then nobody showed up for 3 hours but you sat there, why? Surely you messaged the group with times "I'll collect you at 9am at X place", then reconfirmed you were setting off "Leaving now, so I expect to arrive 9.10 latest", then that you had arrived "Arrived, it's the red golf, let me know if you can't see the car", what were the actual messages from the rest of the group while you were waiting 3 hours?
Driving home - well no, obviously you wouldn't leave a day early.

Drop the friend, but it really matters how you got into this with the rest of them, you may need to change your approach generally and bin more of them.

Twiglets1 · 26/08/2023 08:31

She's unbelievably rude and you are right to ditch her.

Have to say - if someone had agreed to pick me up from a city 2 hours away from them for my convenience, I would 100% keep to their preferred timings and not been swayed by someone else's suggestion of a more convenient time. Your other friends were arseholes too for going along with getting there later and making you wait in a carpark for 3 hours!

Redlarge · 26/08/2023 08:35

HundredMilesAnHour · 25/08/2023 23:02

She sounds horrendous. I would have been done with her at the waiting for 3 hours in a car park stage (actually I would have been done about 30 mins into this).

Me too. Rude and horrible behaviour. Never do a thing for her again and tell her why.

Lilolilibet · 26/08/2023 08:39

What time did you originally ask everyone to gather at?