Putting my child into nursery asap

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 2023-08-25T17:20:53+00:00

I'm due to give birth soon and plan to put the child into nursery when I return to work. I will be looking for a new job as my current one is boring me too death. I also don't plan on being a staying at home mum, party because the father has left me and also because I don't want to spend all day at home. I will be financially the same. Obviously probably better long term. However my friend who I meet with the other day thinks I'm not bring up my child properly. She admires people that don't work etc. She herself works part time and child is left with family and a childminder. She works to feel "useful". I personally couldn't give two hoots about any job and just do it for the money. Now I'm working for the break from the house and child rearing. AIBU in thinking that im doing the right thing by getting the child into nursery asap?

Chowtime · 25/08/2023 18:22

How about the father looking after the child while you go back to work? Is that an option?

Original poster

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 18:24

My friend is a bit classist I think. Thinks of herself as working class etc and describes her own child minder as "down to earth". Childminder has so far told her to assist with tax fraud (potentially) by only accepting cash and also doesn't feed the child home cooked meals as promised.

I personally would love to live in a nice area, not surrounded by poor people but sadly I do. Friend is the opposite and considers her area posh etc. they even had issue with her sister dating a very rich man. Personally, I don't care and I'm a snob.

OP posts:

Toottooot · 25/08/2023 18:24

How soon is ASAP?

tealandteal · 25/08/2023 18:25

ASAP sounds a bit like day 2 but assuming you mean at 6/9/12 months that’s perfectly normal. Both of mine went 4 days a week from 12 months and I had 4 promotions in between the two of them!

Mischance · 25/08/2023 18:25

Going out to work is not a sin - many parents do this.

But I have to say that your tone of voice in relation to the baby is a bit off - do you want to have the baby? Do you feel ready to be a parent and to mother this child at all?

I think you need to muster some warmth and human feeling for your baby's sake.

Original poster

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 18:25

Chowtime · 25/08/2023 18:22

How about the father looking after the child while you go back to work? Is that an option?

He's dumped his load inside me and has me blocked on what's app..... soooo I guess not.

What's wrong with sending to nursery. Not being funny but it's a council run facility and I would rather pay to have childcare then inconsistent childcare etc. at least it's guaranteed.

OP posts:

Tryingtryingandtrying · 25/08/2023 18:25

Welcome to parenthood. Everyone has a view on everything

Original poster

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 18:26

Toottooot · 25/08/2023 18:24

How soon is ASAP?

When I go back to work..... whenever the handouts run out... I'm telling current company a year but will look for a new job sooner.

OP posts:

Friendshipissue · 25/08/2023 18:26

It's a personal choice and no one's business, OP. I find it a bit odd to criticise someone's parenting so overtly.
However I would say make your decision after your LO is born, you may change your mind.
I did struggle with my mental health quite a lot when I was on maternity for 8 months but then DH took another couple of months off. It worked really well for us.

Original poster

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 18:27

Mischance · 25/08/2023 18:25

Going out to work is not a sin - many parents do this.

But I have to say that your tone of voice in relation to the baby is a bit off - do you want to have the baby? Do you feel ready to be a parent and to mother this child at all?

I think you need to muster some warmth and human feeling for your baby's sake.

Maybe you are taking Tone incorrectly.

It's a baby. I'm carrying it. It's not going to be easy. But ultimately unless anyone is going to help me and they need to keep their nose out. I'm doing the best I can..... as a lone mum with no family close by:

OP posts:

pythongreenporsche · 25/08/2023 18:28

There's nothing wrong with being a working mum or going back to school as soon as you can't afford to be at home. DD1 was in full time nursery from 10 weeks. I had a year off with DD2. Single parent with DD1 and like you, I'm not made t

Floppyfrog · 25/08/2023 18:29

Do you have a maternity package at your current work? If I were you I'd use that until 6-10 months, work at the old place so you don't have to pay it back over a year or so and then move on. Don't underestimate the physical toll a hard labour can take on you. You might not be physically up for going back to work in less than a month, it can take a year (or more) to feel normal again.

The other issue might be that you have these grand plans to pass the baby over at a few weeks and then the thing turns up and you really like the little thing and end up spending more time than planned on mat leave.

I think ultimately you have to be prepared to be flexible. Don't burn any bridges!

pythongreenporsche · 25/08/2023 18:30

pythongreenporsche · 25/08/2023 18:28

There's nothing wrong with being a working mum or going back to school as soon as you can't afford to be at home. DD1 was in full time nursery from 10 weeks. I had a year off with DD2. Single parent with DD1 and like you, I'm not made t

To stay at home too long or permanently. Would've loved to be in a position to work part time but needs must. Everyone will have an opinion on what you should do. You need to do you, but a friendly warning that your feelings might change when baby is here.

And don't let the blocking stop you claiming CMS. I wish I'd pursued that on reflection

Original poster

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 18:30

Friendshipissue · 25/08/2023 18:26

It's a personal choice and no one's business, OP. I find it a bit odd to criticise someone's parenting so overtly.
However I would say make your decision after your LO is born, you may change your mind.
I did struggle with my mental health quite a lot when I was on maternity for 8 months but then DH took another couple of months off. It worked really well for us.

Who's criticising who?

Yes part of me going back to work is because I need the routine for my
Own mental health. Working from home
And covid etc was very isolating for me. One thing that does improve my mental health is actually leaving the house.... seeing people, having to talk to people etc.

In an ideal world my parents would live next door and daddy of my child would be married. He would go to work and Come home to a lovely dinner and clean house. Instead I'm doing everything..... absolutely everything.

OP posts:

IglesiasPiggl · 25/08/2023 18:31

There's nothing wrong with returning to work after a baby, nor is there anything wrong with choosing a nursery as your childcare setting. But I do agree with PPs that you sound very cold and detached when talking about your child. Do you want the baby?

Original poster

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 18:31

Floppyfrog · 25/08/2023 18:29

Do you have a maternity package at your current work? If I were you I'd use that until 6-10 months, work at the old place so you don't have to pay it back over a year or so and then move on. Don't underestimate the physical toll a hard labour can take on you. You might not be physically up for going back to work in less than a month, it can take a year (or more) to feel normal again.

The other issue might be that you have these grand plans to pass the baby over at a few weeks and then the thing turns up and you really like the little thing and end up spending more time than planned on mat leave.

I think ultimately you have to be prepared to be flexible. Don't burn any bridges!

No I got this promotion at a new company and missed my period the same month..... so no enhanced pay.

OP posts:

SouthLondonMum22 · 25/08/2023 18:32

Of course it isn't unreasonable to be a working mother. I wouldn't say that 12 months was ASAP though, it's pretty standard.

I went back to work when mine was 3 months old, now that makes you the devil incarnate. 😂

Original poster

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 18:32

@pythongreenporsche well I don't think cms will get money from him. The house I visited him in, that he said he bought, well he didn't. So seems to be a mates house or something.

So I don't know his current address.

He's on companies house so maybe they will find him that way.

OP posts:

Original poster

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 18:33

IglesiasPiggl · 25/08/2023 18:31

There's nothing wrong with returning to work after a baby, nor is there anything wrong with choosing a nursery as your childcare setting. But I do agree with PPs that you sound very cold and detached when talking about your child. Do you want the baby?

No that's how you are taking it.

It's just words on a screen.

OP posts:

NeverAloneNeverAgain · 25/08/2023 18:33

You need to do what works for you. Happy mum happy baby. Lots of parents return to work and use nurseries. Sometimes its a necessity. Not everyone can afford or wants to be a SAHP. The only consideration I think would be checking your work contract around OMP. We have to return to work for 12wks after maternity leave or pay back OMP.

Original poster

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 18:34

SouthLondonMum22 · 25/08/2023 18:32

Of course it isn't unreasonable to be a working mother. I wouldn't say that 12 months was ASAP though, it's pretty standard.

I went back to work when mine was 3 months old, now that makes you the devil incarnate. 😂

I knew someone like that. High powered job and needed to return. She found it awful! Very short amount of time to recover and bond with baby.

OP posts:

Original poster

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 18:35

NeverAloneNeverAgain · 25/08/2023 18:33

You need to do what works for you. Happy mum happy baby. Lots of parents return to work and use nurseries. Sometimes its a necessity. Not everyone can afford or wants to be a SAHP. The only consideration I think would be checking your work contract around OMP. We have to return to work for 12wks after maternity leave or pay back OMP.

What's OmP?

If it's enhanced maternity pay than I'm not entitled to it.

OP posts:

pimplebum · 25/08/2023 18:35

Are you ok ? You sound stressed and angry

SouthLondonMum22 · 25/08/2023 18:37

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 18:34

I knew someone like that. High powered job and needed to return. She found it awful! Very short amount of time to recover and bond with baby.

Show quote history

I haven't found it awful. It obviously isn't for everyone but definitely the right decision for me, I was more than ready and fully recovered. No issues with bonding either.

NeverAloneNeverAgain · 25/08/2023 18:37

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 18:35

What's OmP?

If it's enhanced maternity pay than I'm not entitled to it.

Show quote history

Sorry yes it's occupational maternity pay. At least it's one less thing to consider if you're not entitled anyway!