Putting my child into nursery asap

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I'm due to give birth soon and plan to put the child into nursery when I return to work.

I will be looking for a new job as my current one is boring me too death.

I also don't plan on being a staying at home mum, party because the father has left me and also because I don't want to spend all day at home.

I will be financially the same. Obviously probably better long term.

However my friend who I meet with the other day thinks I'm not bring up my child properly. She admires people that don't work etc.

She herself works part time and child is left with family and a childminder. She works to feel "useful". I personally couldn't give two hoots about any job and just do it for the money. Now I'm working for the break from the house and child rearing.

AIBU in thinking that im doing the right thing by getting the child into nursery asap?

You’ve put your finger on it I think..

@Isthisexpected it's the area I live.... a lot of poor people and me who's bought because the house was cheap, single wage etc.

What's wrong with that. Lots of council housing.

I don't live in Nottingham Hill.... why make out I do.

Such an odd post, can't be real !

Such an unbelievably twatty post. You wouldn’t put your non verbal dog in daycare? Ffs. My ‘non verbal’ son is in nursery two days a week. His smile and ‘eeeks’ of pleasure is when we arrive tell me he’s ok. And my dogs go to daycare too. They don’t seem to scarred by the experience 🙄

Awful! No SMP either?

Are nurseries a fairly new thing? As in 20 or so years they've become more "accessible"? It's just I don't remember any of my school friends or family using them - whereby siblings and cohort do. Not sure if government funding has increased or more mothers in nuclear families are deciding to stay in the job market?

Until you have children you don't really notice these things lol.

Re-read your OP and then maybe you will see why some of us have commented on your attitude.

You are obviously hurt and defensive over your friend's comments, which were insensitive, but that doesn't give you the right to be so dismissive of other people's lifestyle choices either and to be so sure your way is the best or only way.

Definitely. The whole thing is totally off.

I think parenting choices can be quite divisive. Hopefully when you have your baby you'll meet some local mums who are on your wave length.

I'm not being dismissive.

Go and read the opening post and my subsequent posts. I don't give two fucks what other people do in their lives and honestly I wish I was in a position whereby I didn't have to return to work, had paid help and wasn't the only career for my child.

But I am.

I don't however appreciate my friend suggesting that women who choose to put their child in paid care do so because they aren't bothered about the child.

Maybe you should read my post.

Next to no children are homeschooled and tv shows home mock such children. So school is the same as a nursery - someone to look after your child and teach them.

Which is great if your child develops typically and on schedule. Plenty of kids will never be verbal, and still require childcare/ education. DS wasn't verbal until he was 3+, and not really until he was 4. And unfortunately being verbal isn't a guarantee they'll be able to tell you what's happened to them

Nothing wrong with sending your child to a nursery, although having had my kids in both types of settings and having worked as both a child minder and in a nursery I would opt for a home from home child minder with a child led ethos over a nursery for a very small child, but it is personal preference really.

I also think the replies to you about being cold and adoption are grossly unfair. I mean your pregnant and the Dads done a runner. It's fine to not be enthusiastic about the whole thing at this point.

Yes I hope so!

Any ideas of how I can do this?

Is it "normal" for people not to make mum friends other than existing friends with children?

I'm hoping to go out to coffee mornings and baby classes etc.

My friend only goes to a class every once in a while so I don't know if I'm expecting too much.

Would a child room not be the same as a child minder?

Sorry I don't know the difference?

I went to mum and baby activities every day. Classes or playgroups etc there were tons around me. Use the app Happity.

@SleepingStandingUp surely a nursery with lots of staff would be better? Less chance of abuse?

Thank you. I've seen peanut as well.

I did read it, thank you, and I didn't like your assumptions in it, which is why I commented. There is something off about your whole tone.

Anyway, have a good evening. Friday nights are too precious to waste arguing with strangers.

When we had our youngest the Health Visitor gave us a list of local baby groups so hopefully they might do something similar where you are. If not just ask them if they know of any local groups.

The main difference is that child minders tend to be alone (though some do have assistants etc) and ages of children are more mixed.

Nurseries have rooms split by age such as baby room, toddler room, preschool room.

It comes down to personal preference like pp said. I much prefer nurseries personally.

My baby is going to nursery in October (3 days a week 8-5 and with grandparents 2 days a week), he was born mid Jan. We saw a childminder and I hated it, didn’t feel no structure or learning, just dogs & cats roaming and children running wild. I have bumped into numerous old school friends who have told me they don’t know any mums who work full time, difference is my wage would cover nursery and leave us with a nice bit of spending money/savings. I think people criticise if you go back, if you don’t go back etc you have to do what’s best for you & your family. I don’t have anything against SAHM but it wouldn’t be for me, the nursery can do so much more for him than I can in terms of learning & socialising. Also I wouldn’t want to lose my financial independence and rely on my husband for everything. We earn the same money.

Not sure why you got such a critical response about not leaving enough bonding time with your baby. I did the same with mine and we couldn’t possibly be any closer than we are!

No not really. A baby room in a nursery will have a staff ratio for a number of babies. In my experience of them they often work on a schedule set by nursery due to having many children. So nappy change at a certain time. Nap at a certain time. That approach works with some children but not others.

A child minder works from home and are also regulated by Ofsted.. The ratio are smaller then in a nursery and during the day the rations are 3 under 5 and only 1 under 1. It is easier to fit around individual children's needs and routine. Also it can be easy to develop a better parent to childcare relationship with a minded I personally found. My child minded felt like family after several years.

There are positives and negatives to both set ups both both are valid and you get good and bad nursery and again good and bad child minders.

For me the home from home, being able to adapt to an individual child's needs and smaller ratios is preferable for a small child. Mine went to a nursery at first and tbh I wasn't happy how often they were getting nappy rash or how often they were left crying so I with drew them and mine did child minder until 3 then nursery before school in the end.

But as I said there are positives and negatives to both. I would pick a good nursery over a bad childminder I would think about what you value in parenting and then see many settings both nursery and child minder and see what seems like a good fit for you. Go with a bunch of questions and make sure you have a good look around when the children are there

Mine is almost 9 months now and we couldn't be any closer either. A long maternity leave definitely wasn't for me.

My daughter has been in nursery since 9mth. Had no other choice as needed to return to work 30hrs over 4 days. She settled in no prob and her sleep improved. It is not child abuse going to work to support your family and build your career and your child will most likely be totally fine. Ignore unhelpful and unkind comments as unless they are offering to pay your bills wanting nothing in return they have no right to comment.