Putting my child into nursery asap

[ndjdjdjjdjdjd]

I'm due to give birth soon and plan to put the child into nursery when I return to work.

I will be looking for a new job as my current one is boring me too death.

I also don't plan on being a staying at home mum, party because the father has left me and also because I don't want to spend all day at home.

I will be financially the same. Obviously probably better long term.

However my friend who I meet with the other day thinks I'm not bring up my child properly. She admires people that don't work etc.

She herself works part time and child is left with family and a childminder. She works to feel "useful". I personally couldn't give two hoots about any job and just do it for the money. Now I'm working for the break from the house and child rearing.

AIBU in thinking that im doing the right thing by getting the child into nursery asap?

This cannot be real

Stop obsessing about what your friend is doing or what she thinks/says, and concentrate on yourself and your own baby.

Personally, if I'd had to have my children looked after by a CM or nursery, I'd have chosen a CM.

Honestly have no idea on the stats tbh, my point was just the "I waited until they were fully verbal" is a luxury not everyone has.

It sounds like your friend has actually really upset you with her comments,and that's coming out here as defensive and angry. I think it's worth addressing it with her if you're usually close. "Look I understand you made different choices for your children, but we're all just making the best for our own children given our own circumstances. It hurts me when you're implying my choices will harm my child".

If you are struggling mentally with this whole thing and it's more than momentary anger at your mate, remember the midwives and HV are there to support you. It's ok to tell them you're not ok.

Agree with this...

Fair enough you qre going back to work

what i would say if you are going to do that is please look at childminders instead of nurseries so your child has a primary carer rather than being passed around...

Nurseries have primary carers for each baby. Mine does anyway. And a maximum of three children per carer.

Something I learnt early on is: there are friends who will be supportive and encouraging even when your parenting decisions differ, and friends who will not be. The latter can make you question everything. Limit your exposure to them! Hang out with the ones who support you no matter what. The others aren't worth it.

It feels as if you posted thinking everyone on MN would think exactly the same as your friend.
Your OP asks about putting your child in nursery ASAP (which in reality is 3 months for most nurseries) but it turns out you don't mean that. You simply mean you need to go back to work to support your child. That's the case for most of women. As a single parent from start, it certainly was for me.
There will be some on here who do live in Nottinghill and are stay at home parents or have nannies etc..But that's not most MNers

Personaly I chose a childminder for my dd when she was a baby because I felt the 1:1 care and relationship was most important at that age. It also gave my dd a 'family' like experience with older and younger children over the few years she was there. They did normal daily activities in and out of the home rather than being mostly nursery based. She went to pre school aged 3 in addition to child minder. Worked well for us.

Good luck op.

One thing that does improve my mental health is actually leaving the house.... seeing people, having to talk to people etc.

But I did this at least once or twice a day on maternity leave! I don't think you're explaining it very well.

It's fine to want to return to work. It's fine to use a nursery. You'll have adult company and conversations without babies around, win. You'll also need to interact with your baby sometimes, such as before and after work.

What's your issue? You'll need to grow a thicker skin when it comes to your own parenting decisions if you feel your so called friend's opinion holds so much weight when she isn't you and doesn't have your life.

Whatever you decide whatever you think you will feel is unlikely to be how you will feel once your baby is born. But that’s ok. This is no right or wrong way. We are all just winging it. As long as you baby is looked after and you have a roof over your head you are doing fine. You can try something out and see if it fits and change your mind afterwards. I thought I’d be fine to go back full time but couldn’t do it. My SIL couldn’t wait to get back to work and her husband stayed at home. No judgement just taking one day at a time.

My baby's nursery has a keyworker system. He has formed a lovely bond with his keyworker and isn't at all passed around.

Good luck, OP! My LO went to nursery full time from 12 months. He’s loved it - final day today and about to start school 😱 we have a great relationship but he’s also loved nursery and made lots of friends there. I hope it works out well for you.

Your nursery might be different..
The ones we went to see the reality was the primary carer was not the same person each day. They also told me my.child would get a "focus day" 1 day in every 6.... I wasn't happy with paying £2k pm for a 20 year old with 2 inch nails to focus on my child 1 day in 6.

Our childminder is a completely different set up. She has 25 years childcare experience. My DD is the only child on 2 of the days and the childminder has flex to tailor the days to her. She goes to london zoo, childrens days out and they play in the garden and they eat what they grow.

Oh wow, fair enough, I wouldn't have sent my child to that nursery either.

You do you. 20 years ago nursery from four months for working parents was the norm . My kids did and are fine !

Thank you, I had no clue. I appreciate the heads up x

@ndjdjdjjdjdjd

SMP existed back then and from memory it was 18 weeks: a higher rate for 6 weeks and then 12 weeks at a lower rate, though it might have been the other way round.

I didn't qualify for SMP because my contractual entitlement to 14 weeks on full pay was more favourable. My older child is only 26, so it's not that long ago.

Lots of us used nurseries or childminders. I used a combination of both. There was no subsidised childcare either!