Page 2 | Putting my child into nursery asap

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 2023-08-25T17:20:53+00:00

I'm due to give birth soon and plan to put the child into nursery when I return to work. I will be looking for a new job as my current one is boring me too death. I also don't plan on being a staying at home mum, party because the father has left me and also because I don't want to spend all day at home. I will be financially the same. Obviously probably better long term. However my friend who I meet with the other day thinks I'm not bring up my child properly. She admires people that don't work etc. She herself works part time and child is left with family and a childminder. She works to feel "useful". I personally couldn't give two hoots about any job and just do it for the money. Now I'm working for the break from the house and child rearing. AIBU in thinking that im doing the right thing by getting the child into nursery asap?

Chowtime · 25/08/2023 18:37

There's something odd about this thread. Like the OP is spoiling for a fight or something. Can't quite put my finger on it.

multivac · 25/08/2023 18:38

I don't think you sound detached at all; I think you sound like someone who has been let down so often, she knows she can only rely on herself; and also someone who isn't about to let herself appear vulnerable just to be taken advantage of again.

OP, your plans sound fine; but just bear in mind that the actual birth bit can do weird things to your sense of priorities. And you can change your mind whenever, and for whatever reason, you like.

I wish you all the best x

FoodFann · 25/08/2023 18:38

“It’s a baby. I’m carrying ‘it’.”

Crikey OP. Are you okay?

Wait until you have your little baby in your arms, and you might find that you love him or her. If you’re seeing him or her as something that was ‘dumped’ inside of you, and don’t wish to be a mother, perhaps look into adoption.

lemonyfox · 25/08/2023 18:39

Chowtime · 25/08/2023 18:37

There's something odd about this thread. Like the OP is spoiling for a fight or something. Can't quite put my finger on it.

Agree, it feels a bit odd

WantingToEducate · 25/08/2023 18:40

Chowtime · 25/08/2023 18:37

There's something odd about this thread. Like the OP is spoiling for a fight or something. Can't quite put my finger on it.

Yeah, I agree.

Thepeopleversuswork · 25/08/2023 18:40

I’m not sure why you are asking tbh. You have a child you need to support. Needs must. Everyone has a view on how mothers parent and undoubtedly people will accuse you of “outsourcing” you child etc but unless they are going to pay you not to work they aren’t entitled to a view.

As one lone parent to another.

Its tough and exhausting but there are many upsides to being a lone parent and in time you will come to be grateful that you are not with this useless man.

SouthLondonMum22 · 25/08/2023 18:41

Chowtime · 25/08/2023 18:37

There's something odd about this thread. Like the OP is spoiling for a fight or something. Can't quite put my finger on it.

I think I agree.

Even my comment seemed to be picked at and I literally did put my child into nursery asap (the nursery we use takes them from 3 months).

Codependantnomore · 25/08/2023 18:45

I bet this is a troll.

WillowCraft · 25/08/2023 18:46

Just do what you need to . Most people I know returned to work about 9 months - it's normal. Keep an open mind though as you may feel differently as time goes on. One thing I would say is that as a single mum you would benefit from a support network of other mums so make the most of your maternity leave to go to all the groups and find friends you like. Otherwise you'll be alone every weekend with a baby. It's much harder to make mum friends at weekends. This will be much more important once your child is old enough to play with other children, be left at someone's house without you etc. Also if you can afford to stay on 4 days and keep attending something mid week that will be well worth it.

Also don't be a snob. The only thing wrong with poor people is less money.

Chowtime · 25/08/2023 18:46

Codependantnomore · 25/08/2023 18:45

I bet this is a troll.

lol, I don't think we're allowed to say that. But read between the lines of my post 😉

Twentypastfour · 25/08/2023 18:47

Given the father isn’t around there really isn’t a choice is there? How are you supposed to live if you don’t go back to work? There is no other option so it’s not even up for debate.

Original poster

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 18:53

WillowCraft · 25/08/2023 18:46

Just do what you need to . Most people I know returned to work about 9 months - it's normal. Keep an open mind though as you may feel differently as time goes on. One thing I would say is that as a single mum you would benefit from a support network of other mums so make the most of your maternity leave to go to all the groups and find friends you like. Otherwise you'll be alone every weekend with a baby. It's much harder to make mum friends at weekends. This will be much more important once your child is old enough to play with other children, be left at someone's house without you etc. Also if you can afford to stay on 4 days and keep attending something mid week that will be well worth it.

Also don't be a snob. The only thing wrong with poor people is less money.

Thanks.

Yes I'm going to make the most of classes etc.... I should probably go to them
Now? I just don't even know where to start.

Plus I feel a bit of stigma as a lone mum etc?

OP posts:

Fifthtimelucky · 25/08/2023 18:54

Putting a child into nursery when you return to work is perfectly standard.

When I had my first, maternity leave and pay were not nearly as good. I had 14 weeks leave on full pay, which was considered good at the time. Annual leave didn't accrue while you were on leave and there were no KiT days.

Many of my contemporaries put their babies into nursery at 3 months. I managed a bit longer because I had deliberately stored up my annual leave from the previous year, but still went back when she was 5 months old.

Original poster

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 18:54

WillowCraft · 25/08/2023 18:46

Just do what you need to . Most people I know returned to work about 9 months - it's normal. Keep an open mind though as you may feel differently as time goes on. One thing I would say is that as a single mum you would benefit from a support network of other mums so make the most of your maternity leave to go to all the groups and find friends you like. Otherwise you'll be alone every weekend with a baby. It's much harder to make mum friends at weekends. This will be much more important once your child is old enough to play with other children, be left at someone's house without you etc. Also if you can afford to stay on 4 days and keep attending something mid week that will be well worth it.

Also don't be a snob. The only thing wrong with poor people is less money.

I would love to do four days a week but sadly not many companies offer it in their job spec......And I'm hoping to get another job when I go back to work.

OP posts:

Original poster

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 18:56

Thepeopleversuswork · 25/08/2023 18:40

I’m not sure why you are asking tbh. You have a child you need to support. Needs must. Everyone has a view on how mothers parent and undoubtedly people will accuse you of “outsourcing” you child etc but unless they are going to pay you not to work they aren’t entitled to a view.

As one lone parent to another.

Its tough and exhausting but there are many upsides to being a lone parent and in time you will come to be grateful that you are not with this useless man.

I don't know... it will cost £1k in childcare. I can't get support from family as they work and my parents live far away. I also think they shouldn't look after my child weekly.... it's a lot for them.

I would break even at best - as I think I'll be able to get UC. I own my house. Might be able to get free childcare places etc.

OP posts:

PinkDaffodil2 · 25/08/2023 18:57

6 weeks (the soonest you’re likely to find a nursery spot) is very young - if that’s what you mean by asap then I think probably YABU.
Unless by ‘asap’ you actually mean something completely different like 6-12 months which doesn’t really warrant a thread.
If you need to work when they’re that little have you considered a child minder? It’s one thing to return to work as soon as possible for financial, mental health reasons etc - but I don’t think nursery is necessarily the best setting that young.

ReadtheReviews · 25/08/2023 18:57

You basically just sound really angry about having a baby.

I don't like nursery before they are verbal. I couldn't trust a group of strangers (diplomas or not) to look after my baby. Or my dog tbh.
But plenty of people do because they have to. If you had the choice not to, I don't understand why you would that young.

Original poster

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 18:58

ReadtheReviews · 25/08/2023 18:57

You basically just sound really angry about having a baby.

I don't like nursery before they are verbal. I couldn't trust a group of strangers (diplomas or not) to look after my baby. Or my dog tbh.
But plenty of people do because they have to. If you had the choice not to, I don't understand why you would that young.

That's how you've taken it.

I'm not angry. It's just a less than ideal set of circumstances I've chosen/that's happened.

OP posts:

Isthisexpected · 25/08/2023 18:59

Chowtime · 25/08/2023 18:37

There's something odd about this thread. Like the OP is spoiling for a fight or something. Can't quite put my finger on it.

Something feels off to me too. The mention of poor people seems strange.

CremeEggThief · 25/08/2023 19:00

Your whole attitude is coming across as unnecessarily aggressive, OP. We get it- being a SAHM is NOT for you, but that doesn't mean it's the wrong choice for everyone else either! Not everyone finds it boring being home...

cptartapp · 25/08/2023 19:00

Mine went to nursery pt from four and five months respectively. We weren't as lucky as your friend to have help from family. I too wanted a break from the child rearing.
Now 20 years on and never a single regret. Mental health intact and my pension looks great.

SouthLondonMum22 · 25/08/2023 19:01

ReadtheReviews · 25/08/2023 18:57

You basically just sound really angry about having a baby.

I don't like nursery before they are verbal. I couldn't trust a group of strangers (diplomas or not) to look after my baby. Or my dog tbh.
But plenty of people do because they have to. If you had the choice not to, I don't understand why you would that young.

They don't stay strangers for long though, do they? Some even go on to babysit for families.

Original poster

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 19:02

PinkDaffodil2 · 25/08/2023 18:57

6 weeks (the soonest you’re likely to find a nursery spot) is very young - if that’s what you mean by asap then I think probably YABU.
Unless by ‘asap’ you actually mean something completely different like 6-12 months which doesn’t really warrant a thread.
If you need to work when they’re that little have you considered a child minder? It’s one thing to return to work as soon as possible for financial, mental health reasons etc - but I don’t think nursery is necessarily the best setting that young.

They have a baby room.

No to a child minder. Simply put - when that child minder needs to go for a poo, who is going to watch the child. Who is monitoring her phone use and who is monitoring her working etc. I'm also worried that she won't do it anymore or is ill etc.

The nursery is council owned and the staff seem ok. They sit with the babies when sleeping and watch them, have to input on an iPad etc. have cameras for nappy change etc.

Maybe I'm naive. I also don't know anyone in the area as recently moved her (well 10 years ago) and have no mummy friends I'm close to. Also other friends live in different areas (I'm in a poor part of the city).

OP posts:

Original poster

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 19:04

cptartapp · 25/08/2023 19:00

Mine went to nursery pt from four and five months respectively. We weren't as lucky as your friend to have help from family. I too wanted a break from the child rearing.
Now 20 years on and never a single regret. Mental health intact and my pension looks great.

Yes I think I need to remind her that she's always getting visits from her family and they do child care 2 days a week...

OP posts:

Original poster

ndjdjdjjdjdjd · 25/08/2023 19:06

CremeEggThief · 25/08/2023 19:00

Your whole attitude is coming across as unnecessarily aggressive, OP. We get it- being a SAHM is NOT for you, but that doesn't mean it's the wrong choice for everyone else either! Not everyone finds it boring being home...

I don't think I've made a judgement based on those people who want to stay at home. For me it's not an option or I'm not considering it as an option.

In an ideal world I would love a nanny, not work, have someone there etc. but that's not the case.

I don't think any form of paid childcare is bad and really parenting is a life long commitment - doesn't stop because your child can cross the road without mummy hand.

OP posts: