Page 4 | Dh - lack of job interviews- age or season??

Stressedgiraffe · 2023-08-25T10:50:06+00:00

Dh has been looking ( well sort of looking ) since June was sacked in April. He's 58 and works in IT. He wants remote senior level jobs, which he's qualified for but the few interviews he's done have been a no. Is it his age or just because its summer? He's finally agreed to sign on. But aibu to think this is his sneaky way of trying to retire?

lapsedbookworm · 25/08/2023 13:48

Has he had a professional review of his CV? Organised some interview coaching?

lapsedbookworm · 25/08/2023 13:51

He has no pension?
So his retirement plan is that you work and pay for everything?

I'd be considering my exit plan if that was my husband's retirement plan!

Devonshirelass · 25/08/2023 13:52

WillWeSeeTheSunAgain · 25/08/2023 12:11

It's his age. Once you're over 50, it's a nightmare. You'll probably get loads of people who come on here and say they got a job immediately but I am over 50 and the amount of our male friends, over 50, who struggle to get jobs is shocking. Took Dp almost 2 years to get something he really wanted and in the interim period it was v v difficult!

Age will be a factor. Took me two years to get a job in my late 40s and was turned away from jobs I would have easily got in my twenties and thirties.

ManchesterGirl2 · 25/08/2023 13:54

When interviewing candidates, older candidates can mean a breadth and depth of experience, a proven track record, well honed soft skills about managing others, mentoring junior team members, handling tricky clients. An older person is closer to retirement but a younger person can be more likely to move away or change company.

I'd suggest his problem is a patchy CV and "marmite" people skills.

Is he continuously learning and updating his skillset (very common in IT)? Can he work on the marmiteness?

mrploppypenguin · 25/08/2023 13:54

Well if he's cashed in his pension he can't retire, can he!?

Floralnomad · 25/08/2023 13:55

He doesn’t want to work , it’s obvious , lazy git .

ManchesterGirl2 · 25/08/2023 13:56

Stressedgiraffe · 25/08/2023 13:38

He cashed in his pension to pay of some of his debts and pretend to me that he was still working.
Just showed him a job on 75k in a small outfit. He said no. Not applying too little people and money ffs.

So he's a liar?

I wouldn't be staying with this man.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 25/08/2023 13:59

Cashed in his pension so he could pretend to be working?!? I’d have left then…

Furryrug · 25/08/2023 14:01

Sounds like he's not really trying, I'd be furious if my partner lied to me and cashed his pension in to pay off debt (why is he in debt if he's been earning well ?) Not to mention turning his nose up at £75k when he's not even earning anything at all at the moment and hasn't been for months.

RobinStrike · 25/08/2023 14:02

Stressedgiraffe · 25/08/2023 13:38

He cashed in his pension to pay of some of his debts and pretend to me that he was still working.
Just showed him a job on 75k in a small outfit. He said no. Not applying too little people and money ffs.

OP, this is more worrying than everything else! What will you both live on when he does retire? If £75k isn't enough now, how is zero through retirement going to feel? And most of all, the lack of consultation with you on doing that. It's even more important that he get a job, any job, to ensure his state pension credits are up to date even if he has no private pension.
Good luck with getting him into work, it sounds like you will have your work cut out. Rejecting a job on £75k, especially with his current employment record is ludicrous.

talknomore · 25/08/2023 14:05

Competition for remote roles for over 75k will be quite fierce. There's sesonality in IT recruitment.
I think he needs to just get more interviews to get the job he wants. Or lower his expectatiins. Why does he want to manage people if he is not good at it?
Maybe he is not goot at technologies he worked in any more? If so why is he gardening and not studying to up his skills? What was the response from rejections? Has he chased up for them? That should be his next step.
Anyway... next week IT recruitmen will pick up. I was looking for a tech job in IT last year. Had no contacts from anyone until end of Aug. But I am a techie.

NineToFiveish · 25/08/2023 14:06

Oh my god. This is such a breech of trust it's taken my breath away. I can't believe you are still facilitating his comfortable lifestyle. He doesn't deserve you!

Hibiscrubbed · 25/08/2023 14:11

He’s a lazy cunt.

He lied about being sacked, he was sacked because he ‘underperformed’ (lazy), he was already out of work for months prior to that, he is ‘sort of’ looking for work, he’s already cashed in his pension to pay debts and he’s looking for any excuse to not apply for jobs and contribute.

He’s a huge and horrible selfish millstone around your neck.

Stravaig · 25/08/2023 14:12

Why isn't he taking whatever minimum wage work he can get in the meantime, while he continues to search for his preferred role? That would be my expectation.

Good advice from pp, that he needs to look for more junior roles; accept hybrid working until he has built up trust; and try for contracts instead.

It does sound like he's quietly transitioning into you supporting him for the rest of your working life, and without any consultation at all!

If it were me, I'd very clear with him that he can't take that for granted, and that you do not agree to support a stay-at-home-pottering husband. Nor one who has cashed in the pension which was his contribution to your shared lives (!!), and all to deceive you for a few months longer (!!!).

coxesorangepippin · 25/08/2023 14:13

Is he on LinkedIn???

coxesorangepippin · 25/08/2023 14:14

Competition for remote roles for over 75k will be quite fierce

^^

Yup.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/08/2023 14:24

Stressedgiraffe · 25/08/2023 13:38

He cashed in his pension to pay of some of his debts and pretend to me that he was still working.
Just showed him a job on 75k in a small outfit. He said no. Not applying too little people and money ffs.

He's workshy, a liar, thick as mince to cash in his pension, has delusions of grandeur and can't keep a job because people don't like him?

Is that right?

I'd be talking to a lawyer because I'm worried he'll want spousal support because he has no income. And you'll end up divorced and paying for him for decades.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/08/2023 14:24

Stressedgiraffe · 25/08/2023 13:38

He cashed in his pension to pay of some of his debts and pretend to me that he was still working.
Just showed him a job on 75k in a small outfit. He said no. Not applying too little people and money ffs.

Do you like your husband op? It isn't coming across like you do. If you don't, what's the reason for staying together?

DilemmaDelilah · 25/08/2023 14:29

If you were looking for somebody to work for you in a remote senior level position would you invite him to interview? Given his recent work history, his age, the number of other candidates? I'm not sure I would.

My DH was in a similar position at 52 but not for the same reason - the pub he managed was taken over by a couple who wanted to manage it themselves. He applied for just about any job going so that he didn't have to rely on me to pay for everything, with the thought that he could apply for other jobs after he found employment if anything suitable came up. He ended up working as a junior level civil servant until he retired. It's not what he wanted to do but he was good at it and, more importantly, it was safe regular employment.

Your OH needs to pull his finger out and apply for anything he can do that will contribute to your relationship, even if it's not what he wants to do or if it is low paid. It is not fair that he expects you to support him (and it wouldn't be fair the other way around either). And don't make things too comfortable for him while he's not working either! My DH took over most of the housework, the cooking and the laundry when he stopped work and I was still working and he didn't retire until he was 68! When I retire we will share things out again.

FictionalCharacter · 25/08/2023 14:31

Stressedgiraffe · 25/08/2023 13:38

He cashed in his pension to pay of some of his debts and pretend to me that he was still working.
Just showed him a job on 75k in a small outfit. He said no. Not applying too little people and money ffs.

Well that's a heck of a drip feed. He lied to you massively.

It's very clear that he expects to sponge off you for the rest of his life. He'll only get the state pension, and maybe not even the full one. I assume he has no savings. He's an underperforming, entitled man who has an inflated view of his value in the workplace. That's the problem, not his age or the season.

Anyone who needs a job should view jobseeking as their full time occupation. Including doing further training, however senior and qualified you are. Plus you'd take pretty much ANY job until the ideal one comes up.

Unless you're happy supporting him financially forever, while he potters about gardening, read him the riot act.

FinallyHere · 25/08/2023 14:31

He cashed in his pension to pay of some of his debts and pretend to me that he was still working.
Just showed him a job on 75k in a small outfit. He said no. Not applying too little people and money ffs

So what is his plan?

I'm in my sixties, in Technology in a specialist branch of a large corporate. We are always desperate for good staff, the generous referral scheme recognised that the best way to find good people we will all enjoy working with is via personal referral.

I've been working in the sector for forty years. I can remember the last time someone joined who was not known to at least someone around. It may not be fair but it's a lot less risky than working with perfect strangers.

Technology people don't need to be 'good with people' so marmite is fine but they do need to be good enough at their job to be well respected for their contribution.

If he doesn't have any contacts who would be glad to employ and/or refer him, he may be better thinking about offering gardening services. Or, perhaps, finding a rich partner.

Sorry about that @Stressedgiraffe

Like PPs, I would like to think he was carrying the household mental load for you and making your life easier leaving you with no household chores. Somehow, though, I suspect ...

ChristyBurlington · 25/08/2023 14:38

In the last year he has basically failed probation in two roles and cashed in his pension behind your back? That is awful OP, I think the lack of interviews is the least of your problems here.

notquiteruralbliss · 25/08/2023 14:41

TBF on your DH he may have felt awful about the role that didn’t work out and dealt with it badly.

I can also see that too junior roles may not work. I took a too junior (and therefore way more technical than is comfortable) role in a small chaotic startup when my usual roles were thin on the ground and lasted only 6 months at which point I jumped before I was pushed. Fortunately I was prepared and had several (much better paid) contract roles to choose from.

I’ve also cashed in pension pots to cover fallow periods but would never cash in my main pension.

Original poster

Stressedgiraffe · 25/08/2023 14:41

I am aware. He does do the lion share of house work and dc are late teens . He walk the dogs and does some cooking and most of the cleaning and all the gardening. He's luck my salary just covers everything

OP posts:

tweetsandchirps · 25/08/2023 14:44

If he has cashed his pension he cannot retire. He cannot hold down a senior level job so he needs to realistic about the mess he is in.

Your DH needs to be less of a snob and start rolling his sleeves up. But I suspect you are right and he just has aspirations of been a house husband and letting you do all the work.