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Original poster

Dh - lack of job interviews- age or season??

127 replies

Stressedgiraffe · 25/08/2023 11:50

Dh has been looking ( well sort of looking ) since June was sacked in April. He's 58 and works in IT. He wants remote senior level jobs, which he's qualified for but the few interviews he's done have been a no.
Is it his age or just because its summer?
He's finally agreed to sign on.
But aibu to think this is his sneaky way of trying to retire?

OP posts:
LifeExperience · 25/08/2023 13:02

You've asked if it's age or season, but the problem sounds more like work history to me. Also, you said he's a bit "marmite" with people. Maybe he doesn't interview well.

jay55 · 25/08/2023 13:03

August is always quiet and slow progress for anything as it's harder to get all the right people around at the same time to make a decision.

But his dismissal and recent work record are going to be more of a factor than age.

ElspethBulgeworthythethird · 25/08/2023 13:06

Is it obvious he didn’t get through probation in his last job?

Have you spoken to him about it op? Why didn’t he get the job confirmed. Why did he underperform?

And why on earth did he cash in his pension? Does he have debts? Did he tell you about it before doing it?

Sorry for all the questions which obvs you don’t have to answer here. I just thought it all collectively might point to some sort of breakdown or depression or mid-life crisis? In summary, is his current behaviour out of character?

SpamFrittersYouSay · 25/08/2023 13:06

He's cashed in his pension???
What's he done with the money?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 25/08/2023 13:07

Maybe he's not that good at his job and therefore not so good at interviews. My ex was in this position for a while and I kept encouraging him to audio record himself being interviewed so he could learn and improve his technique and also to write down what they asked and he wouldn't do it and was offended that I didn't think he'd get that job if I was suggesting it.
Sometimes people do get a 'fluke' promotion that they're not really good enough for and then when the job marker changes there are better candidates for the employers to choose from

I would have a deadline - if no senior job by x date you have to just get any job as I'm not supporting you financially if you're capable of working and do no work at all

Daisy523 · 25/08/2023 13:08

LifeExperience · 25/08/2023 13:02

You've asked if it's age or season, but the problem sounds more like work history to me. Also, you said he's a bit "marmite" with people. Maybe he doesn't interview well.

I know this might sound like a generalization but if he’s an IT person, they’re normally “marmite” with people. I recruit for IT roles, and every single one - while generally lovely people - are very much so marmite 😂😂😂

Devilsmommy · 25/08/2023 13:10

Sounds to me like he doesn't really want to work and hasn't for quite a while. Sorry

MissBiljanaElectronika · 25/08/2023 13:13

Tough for him

feeling a bit bad, as am in IT and our team just rejected a highly qualified 58yr old applicant (maybe it was him 😬) due to the fact that he had only ever worked for 1 employer (big company) and it was not a right fit for a small/flexible company. He also wanted to work remotely but we all come in at least 3 times a week to work as a real life team.

he can’t start out making requirements such as working remotely tbh. That should be negotiated once it’s clear they really want him IMO

notquiteruralbliss · 25/08/2023 13:13

your DH should apply for contract roles and be less fixed re fully remote. There’s not the same concept of ‘level’ in contract roles so he won’t be seen as having taken a step down if the perfect perm senior role comes up.

I’m in my 60s and used to do fairly senior roles in IT. Since my mid 50s I have mostly worked in contract roles and will do pretty much anything that pays at least as much as my total comp in my last senior perm role. Most pay more.

It’s honestly much much harder to get hired into a senior permanent role when you are older. The only way I would get one now would be with someone I’ve worked with before.

ThePoetsWife · 25/08/2023 13:18

Stressedgiraffe · 25/08/2023 12:58

I don't care whether it is a senior role or not. He just needs to get something.
He has no pension he cashed it in last year.
Doesn't drink no hobbies except gardening

Bloody hell. How fucking irresponsible.

And you're still with him?

Alwaysdecorating · 25/08/2023 13:19

Stressedgiraffe · 25/08/2023 12:58

I don't care whether it is a senior role or not. He just needs to get something.
He has no pension he cashed it in last year.
Doesn't drink no hobbies except gardening

Any particular reason for that?

Doingmybest12 · 25/08/2023 13:20

Oh dear, it really doesn't look like he wants to be in work . Sorry you are in this position. I'm afraid it's probably him. Not his age or the time of year.

AnotherOneGone · 25/08/2023 13:32

Depending on his IT experience/sector, there are plenty of contract roles available - I'm getting calls every day from agencies. Tell him to get on Jobserve/LinkedIn jobs.

VictoriaVenkman · 25/08/2023 13:33

Dh - lack of job interviews- age or season??

I'd say it is more him not wanting to work!

saltinesandcoffeecups · 25/08/2023 13:33

notquiteruralbliss · 25/08/2023 13:13

your DH should apply for contract roles and be less fixed re fully remote. There’s not the same concept of ‘level’ in contract roles so he won’t be seen as having taken a step down if the perfect perm senior role comes up.

I’m in my 60s and used to do fairly senior roles in IT. Since my mid 50s I have mostly worked in contract roles and will do pretty much anything that pays at least as much as my total comp in my last senior perm role. Most pay more.

It’s honestly much much harder to get hired into a senior permanent role when you are older. The only way I would get one now would be with someone I’ve worked with before.

This approach is built into my career strategy for the very reasons you mentioned (and that I want more flexibility as I get older). I’m nearing 50 now and will probably transition to contract roles in the next 5 years give or take (unless my current company is willing to let me relocate - but even if they do I’ll be ready for something different)

Back to the OP, this is why I suggested a strategic position of a step back in roles. That is also a strategy that can work for older people.

Original poster
Stressedgiraffe · 25/08/2023 13:38

He cashed in his pension to pay of some of his debts and pretend to me that he was still working.
Just showed him a job on 75k in a small outfit. He said no. Not applying too little people and money ffs.

OP posts:
Pebblepaint · 25/08/2023 13:40

A MN cliché, but what does he bring to your life....?

Daisy523 · 25/08/2023 13:42

Ok so his problem isn’t finding work, it’s that he doesn’t want to work.

Do you have separate finances?

HeatherMoores · 25/08/2023 13:43

Let’s not pretend age doesn’t matter at all in reality. There are sources quoting average age of retirement for IT sector as 60.

It sounds like a mixture of things here:

Work history
Age
Personality.
And the fact that he really doesn’t seem to want to be working.

diddl · 25/08/2023 13:44

How much less is the 75k than his last job?

He might not be good enough to get the salary he wants!

Pinkdelight3 · 25/08/2023 13:44

He should be signed up with agencies and doing interim/contract work until a permanent role comes up (and indeed permanent roles are more likely to come out of doing well in a contractor role).

However the problem seems to be with him, not the market. You know he's an under-performer from his jobseeking approach and the pottering at home so no wonder he's been sacked and not being snapped up. If he's working remotely and an under-performer, he's hardly what employers are looking for so even if he gets another job, he's going to lose it again. Needs a bigger conversation than just the tactical polishes to the CV. He needs to understand you're not going to carry the load while he potters his way to retirement. He's had time to refuel, now he needs to get real and get back to work with a temp role, on site if required, and prove himself again. He's got another decade left and short of a lottery win, there's no getting around that.

monsteramunch · 25/08/2023 13:45

Stressedgiraffe · 25/08/2023 13:38

He cashed in his pension to pay of some of his debts and pretend to me that he was still working.
Just showed him a job on 75k in a small outfit. He said no. Not applying too little people and money ffs.

Oh mate, what a huge breach of trust for him to have done that re pension and lying.

How difficult would it be to manage financially without him? Do you have dependents living at home?

He doesn't sound like a good partner at all to be honest. Happy to let you be stressed and anxious rather than him being willing to compromise or graft.

What kind of pay is he looking for? With his age and a patchy last few years including being sacked so presumably not having a most recent job reference, he simply can't afford to be picky.

tooanxious · 25/08/2023 13:45

Stressedgiraffe · 25/08/2023 12:02

Well he didn't tell me till May so not good. The reason they gave was underperformed also in probation period. Was out of work last year from June to Dec.
I'm frustrated and he's happily pottering around at home. Meanwhile I'm working and trying to cover everything

Out of work twice in less than a year.... that's the issue, not his age.

Pinkdelight3 · 25/08/2023 13:45

He cashed in his pension to pay of some of his debts and pretend to me that he was still working.
Just showed him a job on 75k in a small outfit. He said no. Not applying too little people and money ffs.

Oh my. This is a much bigger issue than his age. Not something that can be cajoled along with showing him job ads. He needs a massive kick up the arse.

Doingmybest12 · 25/08/2023 13:47

I would lose all respect for someone who would rather sign on than work for less than 75,000 a year. Unless he is massively depressed and its all a smoke screen for not coping with life.