To think people with money would never understand

[Canfeelamozzieflyingaround]

I live in an affluent area, we have a nice, but average house, I’m from a middle class background (I think!) but one parent from a working class background, all very down to earth.
I have a good job, degree educated, but it’s not a well paying job. In the holidays I supplement by doing some childcare/babysitting. I often babysit for wealthy people. Just being in their homes and everything about the way they are and the things they have is so different.
They would have no idea, for example that we live basically month to month and these little nights working for them pay some small bills or afford a small treat for my dc…to them it would be nothing.
Even the things they fill their fridges with and the sun creams and toiletries used (not snooping! Some on tbe coffee table, on the toilet etc)
I don’t know..I always feel less of an adult when I leave and wonder why my life didn’t go like this and theirs did

Well, they’re not psychic. If you breezily said it was no problem and you were fine with a transfer, and hadn’t made it clear in advance you needed cash, they’re not going to know you needed the money that second! My cleaner needs to be paid cash, but she’s been clear about that from the beginning, so obviously I make sure I have cash.

And don’t assume anything about them. I live in a big old house and have a professional job, but I grew up in grinding poverty — not quite enough to eat towards payday, tiny, overcrowded house, outdoor loo, parents who were only semi-literate and had no idea how to bring us up. My DH from similar.

You keep going on about life being fair OP. Why? When has life ever been fair?

That was my experience. Seeing all the other kids have things you couldn't and being judged for it by your peers. As an adult I look back and think there is no way that 7/8 year olds got that attitude towards my supposed 'inferior' living conditions, clothes, etc, on their own though. That didn't help me as a child but I now feel disgust at their parents who must have displayed those attitudes for their kids to be parroting it like that.

It probably didn't help that my parents also expressed a very 'us' and 'them' attitude to 'the richies' without any reflection that it was some of their own choices that put them in the position they were in, and kept them there.

The people you are working for will be aware not everyone has the same wealth / disposable income. They will also be aware there is a cost of living crisis that is negatively affecting many. However I doubt they will have thought beyond whether you are providing the care they would like for their children.

We use 3 different babysitters and I have never considered what life they live beyond their visits to our house - same as I wouldnt for out children's piano teacher, swimming teacher etc. Perhaps they enjoy it, or are saving for something specific there are many reasons to want to do the role and I would not enquire as to why.

In saying that if my babysitters came to me and explained they would like payment to clear on the day they have worked for us, I would make sure it was. So perhaps have a conversation with them and ask for that. Personally i wouldn't want to commit to cash however would happily pay in advance to ensure payment is clear in advance

I realise your post isn't about this however do try not to snoop within their house. It is invariably more noticable than you think it will be. I suspected one of our babysitters had been looking in places they werent required to, after that they were not welcome back and no longer babysit for us.

@Canfeelamozzieflyingaround I can understand your perspectives, it's a mix of reasons etc.

You are absolutely right. Too many people have that "just work harder" attitude towards anyone who's not rolling in it. Income is not directly proportional to effort.

And I'm absolutely with you regarding people not imagining that you may really need the money they're paying you and that it's a real problem if you don't get it.

I'm very aware of what it's like to have little and to need to be careful. I'm lucky now in that both I and DH are very well paid and have relatively small outgoings, but my own background was very poor and it was such a struggle in my daily life.

I would like to think I'd be perceptive to how things may be for you if I was a client but admittedly I too might have assumed that a teacher would be 'doing ok', at least to the point of not having to worry about the food shop anyway.

I hope your financial situation takes a turn for the better soon, OP.

If you are usually paid in cash and they didn’t have the cash then it would have been good manners on their part to send the transfer immediately. It’s not difficult these days to whip out your phone and arrange straight away. You shouldn’t have had to wait not knowing when it is going to land.

You don't know what is going on in their lives and you are assuming a lot about them yourself, your first point was that you live in an affluent area that was your choice

I take people as I find them and if I have a problem with something someone has done or not I politely tell them I do not assume

The second one hasn’t realised that she’ll have the same amount of money whether she pays it off at once or monthly, it doesn’t cost less by paying it less often.

The point is they had a back payment coming to them so didn’t want to pay monthly (leaving them with no money month to month) when they could use the back payment to pay the quarterly bill. It’s not that it costs less, it’s that many people need to time bill payments against times when they know they have X amount coming in.

I'm sorry that you are struggling. It's hard when you are working full time and still finding it hard to make ends meet. Maybe you could add to your degree and change direction in your career. Both myself and my husband had to go back and retrain for different reasons. It was bloody hard and we had to cut back massively and plan every penny but we are in a much better position now and reasonably comfortable. If you change nothing then nothing changes. Best of luck.

Yes you keep saying you've chosen the wrong profession.

So are you going to do anything about it?

Perhaps it's time you both rethink your career then. It sounds as though you are working hard for not much money. Have a think about what you could do, though you might need to retrain.

In saying that if my babysitters came to me and explained they would like payment to clear on the day they have worked for us, I would make sure it was.

They shouldn’t have to explain, payment should be made so it’s cleared at the time the service is provided, if not beforehand. My assumption is that people work because they need money, and they should have access to those funds immediately the work is done unless other payment terms have been agreed.

I agree OP I think some people really don’t understand just how finely balanced other people’s finances are, how a late payment may mean you can’t buy food as you had planned or pay a bill when it’s due. Because they can be casual about money they assume everyone else can be too.

My mother worked three jobs to keep a roof over my head throughout childhood/adolescence, and as soon as I got a job upon leaving school I paid her half of my salary (£500) to continue living at home, as well as having to finance everything I needed, my car, etc. This wasn't money she put aside and gave back to me for some big ticket expense later down the line, she needed that money to pay the bills.

Fast forward 20 years and my family will never need to worry about money again. I used the hardship my mother went through as motivation to find a way of cultivating generational wealth so none of my future generations ever had to experience the struggles we did and my mother's efforts weren't in vain.

There are opportunities out therealbeit not easy onesthe issue is the majority of people (I'm not necessarily lumping you into this category OP) don't want to do what it takes to get there. It's a tough pill to swallow but if you don't happen to inherit a large sum of money, land a windfall or marry into wealth then it pretty much is the only way.

Not to sound rude but by your title I was not expecting middle class family that can't budget.

Essential you have no reason why you have to live month to month.

You are both teachers??? and you are struggling is just an outrageous thing to say. You have a budgeting/ living beyond your means in terms of house, car, phones etc problem. As well as some self delusion at you not being Rich when you earn plenty.

You do realise there are people on here who earn much less. My husband works shifts in a packing factory and I am struggling to get work even though I am well qualified because of the baby bump. So we have maybe 1/3rd of your salary coming in and I would not define myself as poor. Yet you do??

Sorry but teachers are not poorly paid. Give me strength. 😂

Alot of these people are living on a knife edge though. You don't know how most of their living is funded and don't be fooled thinking they have loads of spare cash either the more you earn the higher your outgoings become if you really knew yheir financial situation you may find that some of them are also living month to month although it may be hard to imagine when they earn so much bug particularly if they have a massive mortgage, 2 fancy cars on lease, private school fees to pay plus the upkeep and bills on a massive house etc etc a lot of money may not go that far. Try to be thankful for what you do have. I often look at our uouse and think it's a shit tip that's falling apart but when i really look at it and remember what we used to live in when we were both freshly married amd starting careers etc we have come along way....I'm sure you would see that too if you really looked. Nobody's life is rosey, you can cover a lot of cracks with fancy toiletries and clothes, having been a live in nanny for some wealthy people I can assure you it's not always what it seems.

I go to work, so I consider myself working class. I have always had at least 2, but sometimes more jobs all my life, and now reaping the rewards. Mortgage paid off, and savings in the bank. We regularly spend over £10k on holidays/1st class flights. Please don’t assume we don’t understand what it is like to be on your bare bones. Just because we have a lifestyle some may envy, It doesn’t always mean life has been easy. I volunteer to those who have hit hard times, and we give a lot of money to charities. I understand envy, but please don’t let that make anyone who has more than you be the whipping boy for your frustration. Having money does not mean you lack compassion.

I have a good job, degree educated, but it’s not a well paying job.

Is it the best paid job you could have with your experience and qualifications? It sounds like you're choosing not to prioritise your earning potential for some reason, and while there are many good reasons for doing this, it's something for you to consider evaluating again if you're not happy.

@gwenneh

She is a teacher and saying she is poorly paid. They start on around 30k and with her years shes on a lot more than my family. 😂

I live in a nice middle class area too but would never describe myself as poor even though we live off around a 1/3rd of what her family does.

I think the problem is perception and maybe Money management skills. I came to the post thinking I would be giving meal ideas for under a £5 from aldi not someone on her salary. 😂

I get it. When people ring to pay stuff for their car and it's say £1800 for some tyres and a service and I'm.. that's my monthly wage
I can't imagine being able to just pay that without blinking
I'm doing overtime to be able to afford a pair of glasses - which makes me really cross because they're not optional, I can't work or drive or cook without them!

I live in the UK so transfers are instant so it is a fantasy situation in that regard however why is instant payment for babysitters a given? The OP doesn't receive payment from their full time job cleared at the end of everyday, I do not receive payment from my clients the same day I send an invoice to them. Infact the majority of society does not receive cash / cleared payment on the day they perform their role. My cleaner, kids classes, hairdressers do not demand cleared payment on the day they perform their role,. They are paid via bank transfer on the day not in advance the fact it is a cleared payment is coincidental to our banking system, not a pre requisite to their service. Of course if thr babysitter were a teenager relative or such i would pay them cash on the day.

An adult providing a service is different to a teenager isnt it. Adults plan, budget and are very used to waiting for payment following on from the work they are carrying out.

DH and I grew up skint, we aren’t anymore. We still remember and regularly marvel at how different our DD’s life is and we are by no means wealthy. I wouldn’t assume that everyone came from nice wealthy backgrounds and it doesn’t come free either, as pp pointed out if you don’t have anyone handing you money (we define don’t) you have to figure out how to make things work for you.

I do agree though people can be really ignorant about other peoples finances. I always pay my cleaner in advance, I’ve forgotten a couple of times and have been horrified about it as she’s been paid a day later than expected. I grew up in a home with a lot of cashflow issues though so being late with payment always makes me anxious in case I’m causing someone else difficulty. You shouldn’t be paid late, it’s not ok, especially if it’s by bank transfer, they can do that immediately.

I lived for many, many, years with no savings to fall back on, but didn't compare myself to others. I suppose I could have found a better paying job, could have saved more when younger, but it was too late and anyway I would rather live hand to mouth than work in a stressful job. There is no point in comparing yourself to others, and as pps have said, you often don't know how they got their money, or what they've been through.

Don't you have an overdraft facility or credit card? I would have used those to buy food and then when the money arrived in my bank it would have either taken me out of o/draft or I would have re-paid the credit card.

These posts always baffle me. Like everyone who hasn't got money thinks everyone who has doesn't know what it's like to be skint, struggling or coping with problems the same as the rest of us.

As in all walks of life people bring their own chips to the party. We really don't know anything about what's going on in other peoples lives. We don't know where they came from, what they may have overcome or how they got to where they are or even what's happening in their now seemingly effortless lives.

I know plenty of skint people who are unaware and rude, just like some of the wealthier people I know.

Some people are dicks, some are not. Everything else is really irrelevant.

Im middle class, nice house (but not wealthy) but happy with everything. I know its been said in the thread already, but money doesn’t make you happy. I think in relation to your question, you do probably forget what its like living month to month when you reach a certain level of wealth, but then you dont know their past either. They may have come from nothing.