To think people with money would never understand

[Canfeelamozzieflyingaround]

I live in an affluent area, we have a nice, but average house, I’m from a middle class background (I think!) but one parent from a working class background, all very down to earth.
I have a good job, degree educated, but it’s not a well paying job. In the holidays I supplement by doing some childcare/babysitting. I often babysit for wealthy people. Just being in their homes and everything about the way they are and the things they have is so different.
They would have no idea, for example that we live basically month to month and these little nights working for them pay some small bills or afford a small treat for my dc…to them it would be nothing.
Even the things they fill their fridges with and the sun creams and toiletries used (not snooping! Some on tbe coffee table, on the toilet etc)
I don’t know..I always feel less of an adult when I leave and wonder why my life didn’t go like this and theirs did

You don't know what background they come from. If you babysat for us you'd think we were used to having lots of money, but I've been far poorer than you (living on benefits as a single mum). I've been lucky in some aspects but also made some smart decisions that made my life go on a different path. Still, I think the living week to week attitude isn't necessarily related to poverty, as I've always had money squirrelled away, even in those days when I had no wage and just benefits coming in. I think it's more of a personality trait, I'd always save pocket money as a child and even student loans too.

I think it's a bit rude to not have cash available to pay a sitter though (I always keep a stash at home so can't understand why they wouldnt). And also have done bank transfers which went through within minutes on a weekend.

@WhaleSharkBootySweat This is exactly it, all the professions that help
others are so badly paid, I should have just gone into something solely to earn money and make no difference to society. Those sort of people get paid so much more, how is it fair

This!

I live in one of the most expensive places in the country, most of my neighbours are seriously wealthy as are a lot of my social circle. I am the first in my family to go to Uni, have a professional career and basically hustled to get where I am today. choices and hard work.

I am perfectly aware that others don’t live like I do. And have experience of both sides of the coin, not everyone that is ‘rich’ is born that way!

She did transfer it then and there….it didn’t come through until Monday.

I often transfer money and it gets to the recipient immediately. I don’t know if being Friday night makes a difference though.

I would just be honest here and explain to the person that, yes it is fine to transfer me, but if they could do it asap because you wanted to do the grocery shopping sat morning. They will probably get that you need the money asap and not delay or ask questions. Some people just do not realise. Sometimes I don;t have the money for my cleaner and I am like I am going to pop out and get it for you or transfer it and she is always fine for me to pay the next week and says no rush. So for some people its fine and others its not.

Well if you are a teacher you can work anywhere, you are not tied to one part of the country.
So why not move to an average house in a poorer part of the country which will reduce your rent/mortgage payments and you will have more money.

I've been the person in the other side here. Although we usually make a transfer and I just completely forgot and had to be reminded.
Which is bad, obviously. I should have remembered and done it immediately that evening.
If she'd said - please could you transfer it asap - I would have remembered. But clearly she shouldn't have to do that.
You are right, I wouldn't have thought it was urgent and this is a good reminder that it might be.

We do alright, middle class I suppose. I grew up in a single parent family on benefits. We were really poor. You don’t know where people have come from.

I voted YABU purely because you don’t know their background. We fall under the top 1% income bracket now but my Dad lived through active poverty (in another country) having to borrow food and clothes from neighbours in order to go to school. My mom’s family lost everything when she was a teen so we grew up being very aware of the fortunate lives we are living. Education was what got my parents out of their situation and my education got me to where I am now. I will never take my life for granted. Oddly, DH’s family went through similar in Ireland so we are both similar in outlook even if we can afford an incredible lifestyle now. I’m grateful to everyone providing services to us (cleaner, pool, gardeners), tip very well and would never delay payment. Please do ask them for cash if you need it on time. They will understand if you explain.

yes I hear you, I’m self employed have my own business and it’s been tough since covid, I’m currently living hand to mouth and struggling. Most of my customers would never imagine that I have been getting by on less than £15 a week for food this summer, I’m hoping things start to pick up a bit soon but the COL crisis isn’t helping me get new customers either.

@SiennaSienna But I also got a good education, so did many others. Should I have just chosen a different career?
It’s also annoying when people say ‘I worked hard for it’ the majority of people work hard, especially cleaners, nurses etc…how is it fair

I confess it would not occur to me OP, that 2 teachers would be completely dependant on my payment going through straight away, to get them through the weekend. It honestly wouldn't.

So yes I guess you're right - some of us don't have a clue (and I am by no means rich).

@peachypudding It’s not always like this, but it can be sometimes
Dh isn’t a teacher, I am, he’s paid less than me, but is also educated and works hard. Seems we both chose the wrong profession!

But HOW would they know if you “walked out of the door breezily saying it was fine to pay by transfer”??

I was with you until this comment. What a strange thing to say. I can’t think of many professions that don’t add value to other peoples lives.

That’s kind of a shitty attitude to have.

I firmly believe that there's a lot of luck involved in life - some of it good, some of it not so good.
Sometimes those seemingly "wealthy" people are living way beyond their means and are up to their eyes in debt.
And, sometimes those folk who live in modest homes with no obvious displays of wealth, are actually very well off thank you.
You can't always tell from looking in from the outside.

OP, if you are a teacher and struggling so much with finances how about online tutoring
No worries about physical location, know loads who are charging £50/60 per hour ( I hate tutoring so not for me)
or looking ahead, marking for an exam board.

I didn’t say that others don’t work hard. I’m saying that in my case my education led to a very profitable career. My point is that you shouldn’t make assumptions about wealthy people, their attitudes, backgrounds and life experiences.

They may understand. People with money might have been close to bankruptcy or on the bones of their backsides earlier in their lives. Some come from poor backgrounds and have managed to improve their lot through career choices or financial talent. Those who are born with a silver spoon in their mouth and who have been genuinely wealthy their whole life might not get it, but you can't assume where someone has come from.

Do you talk to your employers or only see glimpses of their life and assume their background?

I spend most of my days with the very rich and like to actually talk about their life with them and I would say that most of them have in fact experienced poverty/hardship at some point in their life and that they can definitely understand and grasp that they are fortunate to have what they have and that 99.9% of the population is worse off than them. I think some of them are a lot more detached from reality than others and don’t feel the need to feel bad for something that technically doesn’t concern/affect them but the great majority I would say are a lot more down-to-earth in their thinking and do quite care about the hardships others go through.

I earn quite well due to my position and the one thing that frustrates me most about it is the assumption that I mustn’t have ever known struggle if I am not currently actively struggling financially. The reality is completely different. I grew up extremely poor (social services having me on record poor, bankrupt poor and food bank as main source of food poor), I have also slept in the streets after being kicked out of home as a late teen and even ended up with $3 in my pocket at some point unable to afford a meal without the generosity of others. Until a few years ago, I was working in the same industry but barely making minimum wage (often making less), I was almost always worried about money and definitely had to refuse some needed medical care due to lack of finances.
I know struggle, I have lived struggle, most of my life was struggle. I haven’t forgotten what struggling is like just because I now have saving and a comfortable salary.

Also being comfortable financially doesn’t mean not struggle. I struggle differently to when I had to stretch $3 but I still have my own fair share of struggles. And for as many struggles as I have had in life (and it was many) I wouldn’t want the life most of the people I work for have. Because they have money, but they have all kind of struggles that money can’t fix (and often money created and/or enhanced) that aren’t worth the superficial things that level of money can give you access to.

I say focus on what you have, and learn to be assertive. If you need to be paid on the day. Just make sure you state at the time of booking and send a reminder on the day of the baby sitting that you need to be paid on the same day. they most likely wouldn’t be offended at all just an
“Hi, can’t wait to see X (kid(s) name(s) tonight, I’ll see you at X time, as planned, just a reminder that I would like to be paid exclusively by cash for convenience purposes (in case you currently have none available and would need to organize yourself to get some by the end of the night). See you tonight and enjoy the rest of your day!”

Requests don’t have to be confrontational. I always make sure to ask for what I need/what I am owed, because sometimes people lack forethought. Most people would assume that paying you via bank transfer on the day or the baby-sitting is fine, as I do think a fair amount of people would be okay with that, BUT if you need the cash available ASAP for essentials then you shouldn’t have any qualms in asking for it.

Asinine response.

@Canfeelamozzieflyingaround Ask them to do a transfer then and there. Unless they used Paypal it wouldn't have taken the whole weekend to get to you. Domestic transfers like this just don't anymore.

This

But yes Kwym

I was a nanny for 20yrs and things the family's would spend their money on whether gardener - dog Walker - food shopping. - laundry services etx all added up to over my salary

But always lovely families and think they've reliesed I relied on that money so was always paid on time

They always say it’s more difficult to be poor in a more affluent area, for kids too.
I suppose as everything is relative. I certainly always found this to be the case

...and that's just the kind of attitude that proves OP's point.