To think people with money would never understand

[Canfeelamozzieflyingaround]

I live in an affluent area, we have a nice, but average house, I’m from a middle class background (I think!) but one parent from a working class background, all very down to earth.
I have a good job, degree educated, but it’s not a well paying job. In the holidays I supplement by doing some childcare/babysitting. I often babysit for wealthy people. Just being in their homes and everything about the way they are and the things they have is so different.
They would have no idea, for example that we live basically month to month and these little nights working for them pay some small bills or afford a small treat for my dc…to them it would be nothing.
Even the things they fill their fridges with and the sun creams and toiletries used (not snooping! Some on tbe coffee table, on the toilet etc)
I don’t know..I always feel less of an adult when I leave and wonder why my life didn’t go like this and theirs did

I think you could have asked her to transfer it then and there- there's no shame in it, if she couldn't pay cash she should still have the money available. You did the work. You get paid!

I'm also someone who is comfortable now but grew up watching my mum in agonies over when bills would come out versus when cheques would clear and how a £25 bouncing fee would screw up her finances. I always pay immediately whether cash or transfer, and ask people what they prefer. More people understand than you might think.

They would have no idea, for example that we live basically month to month and these little nights working for them pay some small bills or afford a small treat for my dc…to them it would be nothing.

What a weird assumption though, I’m sure they are aware people have less money than they do.

I get it op. I've been poor and it's so much more expensive and difficult than when you have money.

I make sure I pay our cleaner as soon as she's said goodbye and I get H to text me when she leaves (if I'm not there) as I know she may be replying on the money for the weekend.

No real solution though - your client obviously couldn't find cash at that time of night and I understand why you didn't want to say you're relying on it.

You should really have said that you needed the money immediately. She wasn't to know otherwise.

Well if you're not in the UK and you know transfers take longer then don't accept them again

I think they do get it they had to start somewhere. I was listening to radio 2 today and one guy was on saying he was spending £190 a month paying off two credit cards with about £4.5-£5k on them. Only £50 was paying off the debt. He talked about how he called the CC companies spoke to the debt team and is now paying off £15 a month. He was delighted that he now had more money. Not at any point did the presenter say well how did you get into that debt?

We didn’t have fancy cars, or holidays, we were very working class with factory working parents but they never built up that level of debt on credit cards.

Then another woman came on and said she had £1400 quarterly energy bill, but she hadn’t done a reading (therefore they didn’t know it was accurate) the presenter said why not pay it monthly, she said she’d have no money then so she’d rather pay off one lump sum every 3 months and was due a back payment in salary? But I don’t get if you have to pay such a large amount quarterly then why not pay it monthly?

@HelpaFriend85 Thats awful. The first person is not addressing the route of his problem, and paying if £15 per month will take years. The second one hasn’t realised that she’ll have the same amount of money whether she pays it off at once or monthly, it doesn’t cost less by paying it less often.

@Canfeelamozzieflyingaround the hardest thing for me to accept was actually the thing that set me free to be so much more successful financially (for this is what is concerning you in this post).

the thing I looked in the mirror and accepted when I was 30 was that I - and only I - was responsible for my life, my career, my earnings, my health and ultimately my own happiness. Most other people don’t have the bandwidth or even the intention to think about what it is like for someone who sails so close to the wind financially. And why should they really? The people you do some extra jobs for provide extra income for you - judging them is a pointless waste of your time.

You are responsible for you - it’s never too late to change your previous decisions unless you are already retired and even then, not really. Stepping up to that fact will free you do focus on the things that will hel- you and ignore what needs to be ignored. Good luck! 😀

It just confused me, they were saying they had no money but not taking responsibility for their decisions. I mean the first guy even said he’d never pay off his debt in his lifetime. What about those people who don’t spend frivolously and don’t get free money. Why should he get off and not face the consequences of getting into debt?

I think the presenter was way too soft on them both.

@MardiMoo the OP is a teacher.... you really want another teacher to leave the profession? The OP has done everything ' right' in her life, she has an education, she chose a career for stability and which will always be needed. And you want her to jack it in... to earn more money. What if all the nurses, teachers, prison officers, social workers did that?

I do agree that there is an assumption that people with money are blind to everything going on around them. I'm not entirely sure that is correct.

I grew up in a single parent family, of working class background, in the 80s. I knew every penny that my DM had coming in and coming out. I knew what it was like to see her go without, and I saw and experienced the sacrifices she made first hand to get herself into employment.

I now live in an affluent area, and DH and I are doing okay. But I never, ever forgot where I have come from, and I do help out those in need. Can I not do that and have nice things? I don't know, I often wonder maybe all those who have money should give more away and do with less luxury. In practical terms it just won't happen in society.

It really annoys me when people on MN tell those in the public sector to change careers to do whatever the rest of MN do where they work from home on teams calls all day and get paid 60k.
So short sighted.

@HelpaFriend85

I strongly believe that compound interest as it relates to debt should be compulsory on the school curriculum.

I'm a debt counsellor and 95% of the reasons why my clients are there is because they spent on credit not truly understanding the impact of the repayments. Buying white goods, furniture etc on credit is so much more expensive, and in most cases second hand was a viable alternative they dismissed, they are open about it. Whilst we help them restructure their debts, they have to change their mindsets which is the hardest - most don't understand why I drive an older car, etc when i could buy new on hp

So what?

@MardiMoo has given very good advice there.

If the OP and her husband are struggling as teachers, they're free to choose something else.

There are no martyr medals to be had when it comes to paying rent/putting food on the table.

I came from zero DH came from money. There is still a lot of difference between how we view money, I’m much more cautious. Just cos we have money now doesn’t mean I don’t notice when rich people don’t get it. I explained to my MIL the other day there is a little girl in my DDs class who has never had a birthday party and people just stopped inviting her, but I still did. MIL couldn’t believe there was child who never had a class bday party!!! That’s cos they think nothing of £200 per head meals. Or getting caterers in for family get togethers etc. they’ve never done shift work or shit jobs. But they did work hard for their money in stressful jobs but being from affluent families are now a few generations away from poverty.

Bit of a leap lol

Is that what you think everyone on MN does/earns?

This with bells on and that’s basics. My parents wouldn’t buy unless they could afford it. Even now I would rather put money into my pension than buy a new car? I drive an older car because I can’t afford a new one. Well I could but what a waste of money when I’d rather secure my future. My parents barely spoke English and were not literate but they knew about debt. And knew they didn’t want to get into it

It’s really funny because from the start of your post I thought you were going to say you were in eg a rough area, barely making ends meet, ec etc. it’s all relative op. Hope things pick up for you though. But theyvouldeasilyhavebeenwhereyouare -

When I was growing up my mum created a game of hiding from the bailiffs so it wasn’t scary.

Now I regularly buy £70 face cream. But I get it. I just made choices (and had some good fortune) to make sure I didn’t have to live it.

Possibly, but the comments about being degree educated.... It's kind of normal for those under about 45. Most people got a degree compared to those recently retired.

What was your degree in? Just having a degree doesn't buy you a pass

I think it's more about manners & consideration than money.

If someone does a job for you, you should pay them immediately (especially when you can afford to do so).

Whether they need it immediately or can afford to wait, is none of your business or unless you know all the details if their financial position a lot of the time yet may not be obvious.

The OP couldn't do anything about it at 11:30pm, there's no pont anyone berating her about it, and I can understand she wouldn't want to tell the person that it's not extra money for her to treat herself, it's money for her to eat.

DH had no idea and some of our friends have always been wealthy and genuinely could not imagine some of the reasons why people would need to be paid immediately.

I don't come from a wealthy background. I make sure that e.g. our cleaner's bank transfer is scheduled for the day she comes (so technically she'll get it at midnight before she arrives) and that other people are paid promptly. DH is rubbish at this and just thinks he'll pay when he gets round to it. I have told him tales of some of my relatives and their financial struggles, but it's not something that is on his radar. We have a holiday home and offered use of it to a relative on my side, he didn't understand why they weren't setting off on Friday morning to beat the traffic. They didn't get paid until midnight so didn't have petrol money until then. So his thought process was enough to know they aren't well off, and had left the place stocked up with nice things for them and a voucher for a local restaurant, but it had not occurred to him at all that getting there would be an issue due to finances.

Through my work I meet some people with vast financial privelege, with varying degrees of being in touch with how much of a struggle some people have. Not to say they never have problems but with money to throw at them a lot can be helped if not solved.

Ps this jumped out at me: Even the things they fill their fridges with and the sun creams and toiletries used (not snooping!)

people perceive us as poor as we had a rough few years and my mum, friend, aunt would all send me nice beauty stuff every so often. If you looked through eg my cosmetics at certain times of the year you’d think I had money to burn!!!

I hate threads like this, assuming that wealthier people just don’t have a clue or look down on everyone else. It’s clearly not true.
I’m WC but then became degree educated with a good job.. now comfortable and very MC I guess. I in no way “don’t have a clue” what it’s like for WC people, that was the majority of my life.

I did think this but didn't really want to say it. Everyone and their cat has a degree now.