To think people with money would never understand

[Canfeelamozzieflyingaround]

I live in an affluent area, we have a nice, but average house, I’m from a middle class background (I think!) but one parent from a working class background, all very down to earth.
I have a good job, degree educated, but it’s not a well paying job. In the holidays I supplement by doing some childcare/babysitting. I often babysit for wealthy people. Just being in their homes and everything about the way they are and the things they have is so different.
They would have no idea, for example that we live basically month to month and these little nights working for them pay some small bills or afford a small treat for my dc…to them it would be nothing.
Even the things they fill their fridges with and the sun creams and toiletries used (not snooping! Some on tbe coffee table, on the toilet etc)
I don’t know..I always feel less of an adult when I leave and wonder why my life didn’t go like this and theirs did

@Bacon88 30 grand 😂I live abroad and get paid peanuts, you have no idea what my wages are, but I can tell you they are nowhere near that-less than £12,000 U.K. pounds per year is closer to it.

Plus for all those people not reading the posts, Dh is not a teacher and earns around the same amount, sometimes slightly less than me

@Marchitectmummy Please read my post as I said I *Wasnt snooping. Suncreams on the coffee table in front of me that I can see, toiletries when I wash my hands in the bathroom that I can see in the shelf and food in the fridge which I can see when they say they’ve left snacks and drinks out for me, but I only take a bottle of water. No snooping whatsoever.

*On the shelf

@Canfeelamozzieflyingaround

If you live abroad then costs there are cheaper... There is no country abroad where teachers are poorly paid vs housing costs ect. It's ridiculous to say you get paid peanuts as what does my husband get in a factory then. Scraps???

It is relative to where you live obviously but the uk has much higher housing costs than most countries...

What about every one else whose Job is below yours? You really need some perspective. It might help with your feelings.

This

I know a few people who had money handed to them and were expected to have a certain lifestyle when they married so chose the university, career (which was quickly abandoned) and husband that would sustain that lifestyle

A couple I know who are extremely wealthy come from a very poor background and a couple of others who are extremely well off came from poverty and earned every single penny.

Just because they have money now doesn’t mean they have always had it handed to them.

Obviously money makes an enormous difference to health and outcomes such as life expectancy, quality of life, access to care, etc , so is highly important in that respect also.

They give you food, but you only take water; they ask if it's ok to pay you by transfer and you say it is even though it isn't...did you go into teaching you'd put your own needs aside for others, too?

It sounds like you chose a caring profession and those tend to pay less. Many (not all) high earners are in jobs doing pretty bad things to the world.

And people spending £800 a week on food while others are having to use food banks definitely have something wrong with them, whether it's lack of awareness or lack of any sense of responsibility or decency.

There will no doubt be exceptions, but I agree OP most don't have a clue, there's a path alot of wealthy families go down to perpetuate wealthy generations. Private schools and good contacts are 99% of the battle for getting a head start in life.

Get your hard hat on though OP there's a concentrated amount of 6 figure salary MNetters on here that will assure you they pulled themselves up by their own bootstraps and that everyone in the country should retrain to work in the finance industry (instead of being an poverty stricken educator or health professional) and contribute nothing of real value to society except an increasing wealth gap... ;)

Isn't it just a moral attitude? It's certainly how I was brought up. I'd be deeply ashamed to do a job that wasn't doing good to others and the world.

@Seagullchippy

Your comment is ridiculous. Why is someone spending 800 on food makes them have something wrong with them because others are using food banks??

Why are rich people seen as nasty for working and spending money they earn??. You have no idea what they have been through in there life or what they do for others. Its just ignorant of you to say that. It is not the responsibility of rich people to feed the countries poor. Everyone needs to take responsibility for themselves... She works and has a middle class house. She could live somewhere cheaper or less middle class. This is the problem with food banks. Most of the people who use them have money management problems and live a life beyond there means.

Your attitude is very weird...

@PrinnyPree

What you have said is pure bs. I am a chartered accountant in the north of England. Currently struggling to get work. I have been hired for 14 weeks since December. My husband works in a packing factory...

Everything you just said about caring professionals and the finance industry is a delusion. In the uk teachers earn more than I do. Retire younger and have better pensions. Also Mat pay. I am pregnant and will get zero pay. Teachers get so much mat money is ridiculous.

Sorry your painted ignorance as if you knew so much. 😂

OP, I have a cleaner and always pay her on the day she comes. I never, ever forget and have never let her down.
On one day she came, I'd had a particularly arduous day at work and came home to crash out. I finally made the transfer to her at 8pm on the same day. But she still reminded me!
It is ok to be pushy.

I have a good job, degree educated, but it’s not a well paying job.

Put simply, there is your answer. Did you do a degree where associated jobs were not well paid? Or a degree with potential for high earning jobs but you took a lower paying path?

As a father, when does ones financial assistance to their children ever end? I grant you maybe never, it will likely be an open ended commitment for many parents.

Even so, there does come a point where you might have to question these commitments, especially when you are getting near to retirement age, as I am.

I left home at 23. I subsequently got married and subsequently bought a property with a mortgage. Started a career, which has served me reasonably well. I’m now in my very late 50’s

I had limited assistance from my parents. I subsequently got divorced. I happily remarried and had children. I received no further financial assistance from my parents going forward. I can tell you it was bloody hard, only receiving a very limited inheritance on their demise.

Today, it would appear that our own children expect or need continuing financial support from their parents. My youngest is 17 she is likely going to University in a year or two . So yes, financial support is a given, no questions asked and I will obviously provide any further assistance as needed , until she starts her career and gains her independence.

My middle daughter who is 23 , a university graduate, doesn’t earn a great deal, her choice of career, she seems to have no interest in using her 2.1 degree to better herself financially. So is still living home, but now pays nominal board and lodging to her mother, whilst she is living with us at home.

My eldest daughter now 30, who also still lives at home, has never payed me a penny in board or lodging , since she left education and starting a job. I had no issue , my understanding was that she was saving for a deposit or rent, in order to eventually move out. Apparently not. I’ve no idea where her savings money actually went in all that time.

So it is only in the last year , when she was 29 , I asked her to pay some financial reimbursement, to cover her costs whilst living at home. Even so , I still need to sub her on the odd occasion , to provide ad-hoc financial assistance from time to time, which still I do for my children,

That said I believe my eldest is getting engaged soon , so hopefully any major financial commitment to her will end soon,
but equally could increase exponentially.

It is somewhat bizarre. Maybe just a sign of the times. I do despair a little.

It will come to a point, in the next few years or so, where I ultimately have to say to my daughters, sorry, but your dad is getting on, will be retiring soon and just won’t be able afford it anymore!

This is absolutely crazy.

Universal credit, for a single person over 25, and after rent (which isn't even always paid in full, the claimant has to make up the shortfall from their 'income' -

£68 a week, for the first year. For EVERYTHING for life. Except from rent (if lucky to be in social housing) and the council tax contribution.

So £68 a WEEK, £3568 a year, for food, gas and electricity, internet, hygiene, cleaning, clothing, travel, all house needs except rent, all needs related to disability until they are awarded, meanwhile dealing with a shitload of stress to try either get a suitable job, or prove their health restrictions, against a system which is against them.

This also incudes very disabled people who cannot work, whilst they are waiting up to 2 YEARS on independent tribunals to overturn most decisions by the DWP who find them 'fit for work', See another mumsnetters post on this about their severally mentally ill niece, who does not have enough money to survive, this week.

This is how vast swathes of people that you never see, because they do not have enough money to leave their 'estates' even to get a bus to visit family, live every single day, to come into contact with you, in your middle class bubbles, "live".

It used to be a livable amount, but has been cut and cut by Tories.

Having a degree would get you through the door of many more employers than someone without.

The OP is definitely missing a trick not using their qualification (and the OPs partner is too) to get more lucrative work. That degree must have cost £27k!

i can't understand why on MN, you're seemingly not allowed to point out that having an education is a significant advantage that many don't have.

Arguably someone with a degree can't possibly understand what it must be like to have no qualifications or skills, which gives them a very limited choice of low paid jobs because of that.

Looking longingly at someone else's grocery shopping and feeling they don't understand how the other half live is demoralising. Instead, they could make plans towards better financial circumstances for them and their family rather than feeling hard done by.

it shouldn't be a crime to point that out.

YANBU. I've never really lived payday to payday, and it's hard to appreciate fully how different it would be to wonder where the food for the next few days would come from.

I do live fairly frugally, having a fairly cautious attitude towards spending, and the idea of an £800 weekly shop is ridiculous (ours is nearer £100), but I've never had to really budget to find out whether I can afford basics.

If the washing machine stopped working tomorrow, I'd order a replacement to be delivered the next day and could still eat and have little treats for the rest of the month. It's a very privileged position to be in.

12k for a teachers wage. That's awful. What country are you in

Did you move there

Can you move back to U.K. and teach here ?

My cleaner, kids classes, hairdressers do not demand cleared payment on the day they perform their role,.

If that’s the agreement you have with them, all well and good, but in my world hairdressers, cleaners, babysitters want and need to be paid at the point of service. Different services have different custom and practice - I’d expect kids classes to be paid by term and in advance, otherwise they’re waiting a long time for their money. I don’t know any hairdressers happy to send an invoice or wait to be paid.

You say that the fact they receive their money on the same day is purely a quirk of the banking system, I think you’d find many services would be unwilling to accept payment by bank transfer if there was a 2/3 day delay in payment reaching them. It’s fine to say adults plan and budget, but many small businesses, sole traders and people offering services are living hand to mouth, they do budget and their budget is based on people paying them for their work, when they work.

It drives me crazy when (a very small minority of) people decide they’ll pay me when they’re ready rather than when I’ve done the work they’ve asked me to do. I’m increasingly unusual in my profession in that I don’t ask for payment in advance, which has come about precisely because practitioners weren’t being paid on time by clients.

You may be able to cover a couple of days delay in being paid, or be able to wait for a month for an invoice to be paid - not understanding that many service providers can’t do that and not paying them at the point of service is exactly the kind of privilege the OP is talking about.

You’re a teacher?

If you bank with IF (part of Halifax) they can be a day or two. Looks at DH who refuses to move from them!!

Why are you assuming that she's from the UK initially?

She's not in the UK and she earns a third (or less) of a UK teachers salary.
So why are you bringing your resentment of a UK teachers remuneration package to her door?

Hilarious, DH and I have never earned anything like a teacher’s salary but we have an ok lifestyle because we live in a cheaper part of the U.K.
It also helps that nobody wealthy lives here so there’s no comparing and feeling sorry for myself.
There are so many whiny threads on MN but no one will actually do anything about their situation.