Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think people with money would never understand

528 replies

Canfeelamozzieflyingaround · 24/08/2023 21:29

I live in an affluent area, we have a nice, but average house, I’m from a middle class background (I think!) but one parent from a working class background, all very down to earth.
I have a good job, degree educated, but it’s not a well paying job. In the holidays I supplement by doing some childcare/babysitting. I often babysit for wealthy people. Just being in their homes and everything about the way they are and the things they have is so different.
They would have no idea, for example that we live basically month to month and these little nights working for them pay some small bills or afford a small treat for my dc…to them it would be nothing.
Even the things they fill their fridges with and the sun creams and toiletries used (not snooping! Some on tbe coffee table, on the toilet etc)
I don’t know..I always feel less of an adult when I leave and wonder why my life didn’t go like this and theirs did

OP posts:
DreamTheMoors · 26/08/2023 22:21

William Randolph Hearst was fabulously wealthy. He was a newspaper magnate and built a gigantic mansion on the coast of California and invited Hollywood stars for weekends. If you got tipsy or if Hearst noticed you drink more than a couple of cocktails, you were never invited back.

He put ketchup bottles on the dining table because he thought that made him more like “regular people.”

Hearst’s Castle is open for tours. There’s nothing “regular” about it, or Mr. Hearst.

Pupinski · 26/08/2023 22:28

I'm not clear on what the issue is - is it that they don't understand your lifestyle (in which case, why is it important that they do?) or is it that you're envious of their lifestyle?

Canfeelamozzieflyingaround · 26/08/2023 22:34

@Nofurme Thank you so much 💜
I think it’s hard for many to understand if they don’t know the situation, it doesn’t compare at all to the U.K.
Thank you 🙏

OP posts:
Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 22:55

@Sennelier1

I started with replying to op but other people didn't like the fact that a teacher is not a poorly paid job so started acting me with with classic public sector lines of how they have it so shit.

My original point was that op has money from someone elses perspective so what she was accusing the "rich" people of she was also doing her self. She later opened up about where she really lived but failed to accept that locals were probs on a lot less looking at her nice middle class house for sale and longing to live there.

I didn't expect to be attacked by several upper middle class 50 something year old women who basically called me lazy and said I should work hard. Which is the microcosm of what op is complaining

You also attacked me. I am not unhappy with my life. My whole point was about perspective but mumsnet is full of middle class middle age women who think there middle class jobs makes them poor.

Playingintheshadow · 26/08/2023 23:00

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 19:56

@Playingintheshadow

Your child passed there driving test whilst still at home?? You paid for it. We had to pay for our own and the insurance. My parents had no money either. My dad was injured at work by the chemicals used. He died at 55. Not long after my 18th birthday. You have no idea what people go through.

He did not blow 17k in 10 months. He didnt get a job after the course so applied for some that were available and then got zero hours contracts and did day supply where they call you up on the morning as someones called in sick. Then you have to drive there and get paid by the lesson. He got paid £15 per lesson so thats £75 for a full day. He didnt get a job everyday. We had to help my mum with the rent as well.

So 17k soon goes when you are only getting maybe 3 days a week work and going to interview. He tried for 2 years to get a stable teaching job. He had a few 6 week ones.

You really have no idea what hardship people face without the accumulate wealth and opportunity there parents have. I know you struggled but you have forgotten what is like. I am sorry but calling me lazy and saying I need to get off my ass. I have tried for 10 years and I am broken. There is nothing in this country for us anymore. Nothing and we are forgotten about. So having a British passport is not privilege (fyi I dont have one as I dont to abroad)

Nevermind though as you are all struggling and are so poor.

Don't talk crap. I came from a very ordinary background. DH grew up in a housing estate where he often was the breadwinner for his family. We used education to progress, so we feel totally fucking entitled to provide for our children as we see fit!

Failing to understand this, "Then you have to drive there and get paid by the lesson. He got paid £15 per lesson so thats £75 for a full day. He didnt get a job everyday." How could he "drive there" if he didn't have a driving licence and didn't have a car?

Plenty of people manage to make a success of their lives without having been born into wealth!!!

Playingintheshadow · 26/08/2023 23:02

Justneedagirlname · 26/08/2023 20:21

This is not addressed at you or at your brother but specifically at this poster who keeps moaning how hard her and her brother life is (with a large bursary) and saying we are all out of touch middle classes: I’m just pointing it out as an immigrant (who is indeed now middle class/upper middle class) that she may also be out of touch because as a British born with ability to get bursaries she and her brother are very much privileged compared to many people she cites as examples (like me). Who is out of touch here?

Quite right!

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 23:11

@Playingintheshadow

What part of my generation cannot use education to climb up the social class so you not get? We have much lower levels of social mobility than in your day... have you been living under a rock it's all over the news. Grad success rates are at an all time low and so are homeownership rates!

Fyi loads of people have said that the idea you can drag yourself up from nothing to wealth is very few and far between now. Lots of people have called out this myth which you seem to perpetuate.

So you think a cleaning in your kids school should just work hard enough and she will be head teacher one day?

You also think those in low paid jobs are lazy and do not work hard.? Love to see you say that to your cafe server!

You have called me lazy and entitled yet I trained whilst working full time on £2.30 to £4 an hour for 4 years (2012 to 2016 apprentices laws were different then on wages) to get this education you say is so valuable. I have worked all over the country and had 14 jobs. I took contract work so some where short term and some were 18 months or long. I took any jobs i could get hence why I have had a lot. But yet I just need to work that little bit harder ??

What was it about people with money do not understand that op was complaining about again??

Playingintheshadow · 26/08/2023 23:14

BTW @Bacon88 - my parents prioritised us and our education so no, I have never had to struggle.

Posters have advised you that you should 'follow the money' and move somewhere your qualification would earn you more. That is not unreasonable.

I don't think that teachers are that poorly paid, but I am also a public sector employee, and it is a fact that all of our salaries have been seriously eroded by years of fucking shit pay awards!!

Playingintheshadow · 26/08/2023 23:16

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 23:11

@Playingintheshadow

What part of my generation cannot use education to climb up the social class so you not get? We have much lower levels of social mobility than in your day... have you been living under a rock it's all over the news. Grad success rates are at an all time low and so are homeownership rates!

Fyi loads of people have said that the idea you can drag yourself up from nothing to wealth is very few and far between now. Lots of people have called out this myth which you seem to perpetuate.

So you think a cleaning in your kids school should just work hard enough and she will be head teacher one day?

You also think those in low paid jobs are lazy and do not work hard.? Love to see you say that to your cafe server!

You have called me lazy and entitled yet I trained whilst working full time on £2.30 to £4 an hour for 4 years (2012 to 2016 apprentices laws were different then on wages) to get this education you say is so valuable. I have worked all over the country and had 14 jobs. I took contract work so some where short term and some were 18 months or long. I took any jobs i could get hence why I have had a lot. But yet I just need to work that little bit harder ??

What was it about people with money do not understand that op was complaining about again??

I have never once said you should work harder.

I have said, if you want to earn more, then move somewhere that pays more.

You are so blinkered.

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 23:22

@Playingintheshadow

Move somewhere that pays more. I have worked all over the country?? It's not that easy mate. You talk about how you have had your pay eroded like you are the only one. This is the problem with the public sector and what op is saying. You have a secure job and money but cannot accept you the ones with the money!!

You have clearly been shielded from what has been the shit show of the last 10 years. So my whole adult life. But only if I had moved someone else would I have made it??? Yeah tried that love and what about the 1000s of other "blairs children" that are also educated and on low wages.???

The op moved to Portugal and look how that turned out!

Playingintheshadow · 26/08/2023 23:39

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 23:22

@Playingintheshadow

Move somewhere that pays more. I have worked all over the country?? It's not that easy mate. You talk about how you have had your pay eroded like you are the only one. This is the problem with the public sector and what op is saying. You have a secure job and money but cannot accept you the ones with the money!!

You have clearly been shielded from what has been the shit show of the last 10 years. So my whole adult life. But only if I had moved someone else would I have made it??? Yeah tried that love and what about the 1000s of other "blairs children" that are also educated and on low wages.???

The op moved to Portugal and look how that turned out!

"Shielded" - are you having a laugh?

I talked about the entire public sector having their pay eroded!! Not just me!!!

There's no reasoning with someone like you. Just glad my own 20-somethings have so much more of a positive attitude - and it's paying off!

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 23:55

@Playingintheshadow

Haha the whole public sector. So no comment on how wages in the private sector had stagnated and how pensions and benefits have virtually gone?? It's all about how hard the public sector has it when the jobs are much more secure and you get a dock off pensions that is total unfunded by the public sector and comes from low paid job taxes whilst I will retire on a private pension of around 3k a year with larger of my own contributions than you ?

Fyi my pensions lost 4K on the stock market in covid. So 4K I paid in gone so my pots down by 1/3rd so that's 3. 5 years work. You haven't got that risk. It wasn't me who invested it. It's a fund!

Your children have benefited from your accumulated wealth. The better start in life and the location you live in. So your privilege.

Rich people with money do not understand???

Pigwig10 · 27/08/2023 00:55

I suppose I am ‘middle class’ now. We own our home, own a business, have many things that would be considered a luxury. But both my husband and I were born and brought up in council estates. Have very fond memories of them. I, as a child, lived in a family with no disposable income. I was clean, clothed, fed and loved. My husband had a very different childhood, which I won’t go into. I now have a cleaning lady who comes twice a week. I send any ironing out. And I don’t have to check prices when I’m doing my food shopping. That to me means I am doing well. That stems from my childhood. Don’t get me wrong, and this is what many people don’t realise. This hasn’t come to be easily. This has taken a lot of work and so many risks. Our house has been on the line, we have not been able to afford new shoes for our kids. Paying bills has been on a basis of the most urgent first. Borrowing milk from mum etc. Many people do not see, or choose not to see, this side of things. I know what it is like when things are tough. But please don’t think that just because a person has nice things they won’t have a clue about how hard your life is. I really am sorry you are going through a rough time right now OP, I hope things turn around for you.

Playingintheshadow · 27/08/2023 01:28

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 23:55

@Playingintheshadow

Haha the whole public sector. So no comment on how wages in the private sector had stagnated and how pensions and benefits have virtually gone?? It's all about how hard the public sector has it when the jobs are much more secure and you get a dock off pensions that is total unfunded by the public sector and comes from low paid job taxes whilst I will retire on a private pension of around 3k a year with larger of my own contributions than you ?

Fyi my pensions lost 4K on the stock market in covid. So 4K I paid in gone so my pots down by 1/3rd so that's 3. 5 years work. You haven't got that risk. It wasn't me who invested it. It's a fund!

Your children have benefited from your accumulated wealth. The better start in life and the location you live in. So your privilege.

Rich people with money do not understand???

I am literally pissing myself laughing about my supposed "accumulated wealth"!! I fucking wish!! We still live month to month, and regularly rely on credit.

You don't have the first clue!

Crapsummer2023 · 27/08/2023 01:47

@Bacon88

‘Fyi my pensions lost 4K on the stock market in covid. So 4K I paid in gone so my pots down by 1/3rd so that's 3. 5 years work. You haven't got that risk. It wasn't me who invested it. It's a fund!’

You must be doing pretty well if you’re only in your 20s and actively saving towards a pension. I certainly didn’t have enough spare to pay into private pensions when I was in my 20s. I actively opted for the cash for a long time as I needed the money there and then. Maybe being a ‘WORKING CLASS!’ accountant isn’t too bad after all?

Bacon88 · 27/08/2023 01:54

@Crapsummer2023

I left school at 18 and pensions are now auto enrolled. I had a few company schemes defined contribution with like legal and general so they merged them into one. Its not a private pension it's the standard auto enrolment scheme.

Having 12k in a pension after what would of been 9 years. So half me half company is really not much. It's 1333 a year so its 666 of my money on average a year. Its now only worth 8k.

So what was your point about wealthy again?

Bacon88 · 27/08/2023 02:00

@Playingintheshadow

This is the point. Clearly your lifestyle is beyond your means. I do not live month to month anymore but then I do not live in an expensive area. With your age and your job I am going to guess you make more than my 28 year old production line machine opporate husband in a packing factory in a shit northern town and me a self employed currently got no work accountant.

You have more wealth but spend it. If I had your job my husband and I would feel rich. It's all about perspective. Too many middle class mums on here that cannot recognise there own wealth.

So you think you are poor and at the bottom of the earnings pay scale??

Bacon88 · 27/08/2023 02:11

@Crapsummer2023

To add are you that far detached that the govement made pensions auto enrolment in 2012 (maybe it was 13) so you are forced to pay in atleast a few payments into either a company scheme or a goverment backed auto enrolment scheme. Its law...

The current min contributions you can make is 4% it was less in 2018 and below. So currently on min wage its 870 a year and the company matches the 4% usual that is the max but some match up to 7. Most people pay in the min. I did. Hence why my conrrititoons are 666 on average. Most companies no longer have there own schemes and just have the govement auto enrolment one hence why the pensions are crap for my generation.

Do you really not know about the goverment auto enrolment policy??

Crapsummer2023 · 27/08/2023 02:31

@Bacon88

‘Do you really not know about the goverment auto enrolment policy??’

Yes I do, but I also know you can opt out. When I was in my 20s I didn’t join the scheme because I needed the money there and then. I’m sure lots of people in their 20s opt out for the same reasons. The fact you haven’t undermines your ‘I’m poor and WORKING CLASS’’ shtick.

Bacon88 · 27/08/2023 03:01

@Crapsummer2023

How many people opt out???

I am in a few Forums for unite union as I volunteer my accountancy to them (unite is big round here). Not many line workers know that or do that. I have opted out. I had a job for 4 years with a large manufacturing company as an apprentice. I was poorly paid but genuinely thought it would work out there. So I paid in for my future. Well in 2016 I was made redundant. I haven't paid in for every job I have had but most managers think you are leaving if you opt out so sometimes there is pressure to stay in.

I am not sure paying into a pension makes you rich as lots of working class people do it?? It's a bit tone death to say I am rich for paying £75 a month to an auto enrolled scheme or implying that is not working class. Never laughed so hard. I am also not poor. I don't see myself as poor. But compared to the people attacking me I am lower down the class and household earning scale. So yeah maybe i am poor?

My husband pays in too. None of his factory that he knows of has opted out. People are not that clued up they just go along with it.

You are just proving you do not know what working class people actually do...

HoppingPavlova · 27/08/2023 04:13

@Bacon88 *Can you not see the issue in what you just said.?? The working class of the uk have had to compete with the likes of you from around the world that come here and work for cheap then go back home with all the money you make. Yet our own kids have no hope as the money here is buys you less then your own country??

You have taken a job from someone who was born here and lives in a poor part of the UK. Do not give me that "British people do not want to work shit". That's a lie the govement uses to hide the facts.

You have taken jobs over the years in areas there are not many because you work for less. It's the reasons my husbands job is so lower paid because of all the cheap eastern European labour. You do know companies are allowed to pay 30% less to a foreign worker they being over if they cannot fill the job in the uk??. So they deliberately do not take a UK worker*

Okay, that was a really bizarre post. I did not come and take someone’s job. The reason I was able to go and work in the UK was because there were genuine gaps that needed to be filled and you need a certain skill set to do it. There were not enough people in UK with that skill set at the time so the alternative would have been absolutely no one in those jobs. That’s the truth. This would have been a disadvantage to the people in the UK, so we were able to plug the gaps. As to being paid less - nope. I was paid EXACTLY the same as any local counterpart during the years I spent there. I didn’t take ‘all that money’ home to my ‘poor country’ either. I’m also not Eastern European as you seem to think 🤯, I don’t come from a poor country at all, same living standard and costs as the UK including housing. In fact many from the UK are starting to come here now, and we accept people with recognised degrees and skills for our labour shortages.

In fact, your brother, as a teacher who has gained a degree majoring in maths would be able to make enquiries tomorrow and see that they would be sponsored to come here asap and work for good money. They would be able to go on to get permanent residency easily if they wanted (usually hard but not in jobs with critical shortages such as senior maths teachers), or they could work for a few years and return. Problem solved for your brother. Similarly, I understand we are short on accountants also. Always confuses me though as I understand there are two different types, with one being more like bookkeeping and low level tax stuff and the other more financial services and corporate stuff, but am not across it (I do have one child that is involved in this area and explained it but I zoned out). Anyway I think we may be short on both types, so opportunities for you as well and DH could get working rights based on your skills. However, granted, these opportunities are not in your home town.

My kids are in 20’s, some finished uni and working, some still in uni, one with disability who will never be able to work full-time and is restricted in what they can do. I understand the plight of young people today. However, I’d be so disappointed in any one of them if they sat there, refused any opportunity because there was some effort/distance involved and then moaned about life. I’d really wonder where we went wrong.

reallyconfusedmostofthetime · 27/08/2023 07:13

A lot of wealthy people have inherited wealth. I don’t really believe in social mobility - it’s a front to control us. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s almost impossible to become wealthy and most people who manage it do it because wealth is their goal more than people or the rules or morality or decency. The more wealthy people you know the more you see it’s true. If people with wealth really thought about what it was like to not have enough they wouldn’t be able to comfortably enjoy the privilege they have.

Manthide · 27/08/2023 07:16

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 23:11

@Playingintheshadow

What part of my generation cannot use education to climb up the social class so you not get? We have much lower levels of social mobility than in your day... have you been living under a rock it's all over the news. Grad success rates are at an all time low and so are homeownership rates!

Fyi loads of people have said that the idea you can drag yourself up from nothing to wealth is very few and far between now. Lots of people have called out this myth which you seem to perpetuate.

So you think a cleaning in your kids school should just work hard enough and she will be head teacher one day?

You also think those in low paid jobs are lazy and do not work hard.? Love to see you say that to your cafe server!

You have called me lazy and entitled yet I trained whilst working full time on £2.30 to £4 an hour for 4 years (2012 to 2016 apprentices laws were different then on wages) to get this education you say is so valuable. I have worked all over the country and had 14 jobs. I took contract work so some where short term and some were 18 months or long. I took any jobs i could get hence why I have had a lot. But yet I just need to work that little bit harder ??

What was it about people with money do not understand that op was complaining about again??

I am a working class scouser and my dc have lived in council houses and been on fsm. We are now on universal credit and I work part-time in a warehouse. I believe education is the key for my dc and therefore I encouraged them to apply to private schools for secondary. The eldest two, now in their early 30s both went to Cambridge, have great jobs, are married with children and homeowners ( both bought at age 28). My youngest two are still in education but are also motivated to want to get out of poverty. It is more difficult than it was for previous generations but I believe it is doable

Manthide · 27/08/2023 07:33

Bacon88 · 27/08/2023 03:01

@Crapsummer2023

How many people opt out???

I am in a few Forums for unite union as I volunteer my accountancy to them (unite is big round here). Not many line workers know that or do that. I have opted out. I had a job for 4 years with a large manufacturing company as an apprentice. I was poorly paid but genuinely thought it would work out there. So I paid in for my future. Well in 2016 I was made redundant. I haven't paid in for every job I have had but most managers think you are leaving if you opt out so sometimes there is pressure to stay in.

I am not sure paying into a pension makes you rich as lots of working class people do it?? It's a bit tone death to say I am rich for paying £75 a month to an auto enrolled scheme or implying that is not working class. Never laughed so hard. I am also not poor. I don't see myself as poor. But compared to the people attacking me I am lower down the class and household earning scale. So yeah maybe i am poor?

My husband pays in too. None of his factory that he knows of has opted out. People are not that clued up they just go along with it.

You are just proving you do not know what working class people actually do...

Edited

This made me think. I'm a warehouse picker and packer and I try and work an average of 3 days a week (24 hours). I have a disability and am almost 60 so find it exhausting just doing those hours I am on uc and have a useless ex dh (refusing to move out) and a dd going into y11. I work for an agency and often get cancelled so I have to try and make my hours up so the dwp doesn't get on my back. Last uc period I worked 11 days and was £3 under the minimum, this period I worked 11 days (88 hours) and 5 hours and we were £30 below because I did 4 days one week and 4 days 5 hours the next to make up the shortfall. This meant I paid more NI and more pension (there must be a minimum that you don't pay pension) so my take home pay was less. I feel like I'm going to be in the same situation this new period as I've worked 5 days and need 7 days in the next two weeks.

Alexandra2001 · 27/08/2023 07:36

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 10:23

@Alexandra2001

Haha way out of touch. 30% shift premiums!!! Hahaha. Lol my husband gets 15%....

He also only gets 28 days holiday. A 4% employee pension. 1 instance of sick a year and only 5 days paid. Women get 5 weeks mat leave and then sat!!

OUT OF TOUCH

Fyi public sector jobs the average salaries are posted online for each banding. I can easily see you are a liar. Maybe your daughter has been out the country too long....

Not bitter. Just live in the real world and telling you why those in the private sector have no respect for public sector workers anymore. You litterally are detached from the reality everyone else faces.

Well, he hasn't got 50k of student debt either has he? OUT OF TOUCH!!! lol!!!

He should also get out of warehouse work, being so clever, should be easy.... his job will soon be automated, as will much of your work too, AI is going to change the work place.

You were the one who bought up how much money your nurse MIL earns, her shifts, Bank work etc, she'll be getting all the benefits you seem to begrudge others (in the gold lined south get) and she lives in the remote & destitute north too!

You could of course retrain and work in the NHS as you clearly think its highly paid and easy work? but you wont... wonder why?

Swipe left for the next trending thread