To think my friend is treating me like her maid

[Grabhands]

For context, this is a friend who I have known for years, haven't seen since before COVID. We booked and are on a 7 day all in beach holiday in the Med.

Meals are buffet service, tea service and cakes etc at certain times from a pool bar and a bar where you can go and get alcoholic drinks etc. At meal times waiters will bring you water for the table and you go to bar for anything else. Bar a few mins walk.

At every single meal we have had since arriving, she tries to send me to the bar to get her a drink, if I am going anyway absolutely fine, otherwise get your own!

She also keeps taking food from my plate to try it, with fingers , and then says can you go and get me some of that.

When I get desert, she gives me a list and asks me to bring back plates of various things.

Tea, she doesn't want to go to bar to get cakes, in case she misses some sun so again even though I don't want anything asks me to go.

I know its petty, and I'm usually easy going but after 3 days I have just said you go, you have legs too, and please stop taking food from my plate.

She is now very offended and huffing and puffing!

Am I being a cow?

Whaaaat! On the plus side, you won’t have to deal with her on the plane home as she will shrivel to nothing without someone fetching her snacks and meals! Hats off to you OP, you have handled this graciously and not sunk to her level.

She sounds awful. I think her whole thing is just a dominance move. All this about how she's tired is nonsense, she's going to the gym every day. She enjoys treating you like her servant and wants you to know that she calls the shots and you obey. Trying to take your pizza off your plate was over the line and tells you that nothing you do will stop her from behaving badly. She'll just keeping trying to dominate you and blaming you when you don't comply. It's interesting that she is justifying her bad behavior by saying she's tired, she just wants to relax etc, as if you didn't come on holiday to relax. It's as if she's saying: my feelings are important, yours are not. Makes me wonder if she's actually a narcissist. I'm so sorry this awful woman is ruining your vacation.

Also you could say ‘I have noticed that you are too tired to do anything yourself, are you unwell? Do you think you need to see a doctor when you get home for some blood tests?’

Have you asked her why she never gets anything for you?

Will you still have the use of the All inclusive in the hotel you're currently in @Grabhands ? If you will and you can afford the other room, go for that. I would do it while she's out at the beach one morning and let her come back to the room without your stuff in it and with you nowhere to be seen. Leave her a note saying that you absolutely couldn't share with someone who clearly doesn't understand the meaning of the word "sharing", which includes sharing the number of times you go to the bar, sharing the number of times one gets towels for the other, just basic sharing and she will have to fend for herself now, that includes going for food, to the bar, everything!

Actually don't leave her a note like the one I suggested.
Leave her a note that says "I've moved out of the room. I'm exhausted from all the fetching and gathering for you so I'm going to enjoy the rest of my holiday, ALONE. See you on X day when we're flying home again."

The other message was far too wordy. She'd tire herself out reading it and have to go find someone to read it to her! 😂

I wouldn't be surprised if you move rooms and get a text asking you to come over and grab her something anyway, or to go to the shops for her.

Don’t tell her where you’ve moved to when you go, just that you’ve moved room

No, I am checking out of this hotel, and booking in to a similar next door also all in. Hotels quite cheap, think 3 star like Benidorm show on tv

Off to pack and move, and then have a few days of sun, reading and chilling.

Have set her messages to mute on whatsapp in case she goes mad when she realises I have left. Should probably leave a note in the room for her but won't say where I have gone to. about 20 hotels on a strip by beach so you wouldn't know which one

I used to have a friend like this. She seemed to think everyone existed to pander to her every need. Everyone would be doing her favours on a daily basis, those who weren't, would be bringing her things she needed etc or buying her drinks. She'd also expect any friend who is giving her a lift, to fold up her little one's pushchair & put it in the boot whilst she sat and waited. I honestly half expected her to require the car door to be opened for her.. I put it down to some kind of superiority complex. I loathe to jump straight to the Narcissism card, I think it was just plain "I've been treated like a Princess all my life so I now expect it as standard, from anyone & everyone around me"

It’s seems like a really big reaction, could you have the conversation with her first and say why you are going?

She has, what my son calls "Main Character energy"

She's in for some shock when she realises you've left. She definitely won't realise why 😂

I would be similar in that I avoid awkward conversations but sometimes it’s for the best.

ask her to repeat back in her own words what you have said just just to be sure she is taking it in.

@Grabhands - I was just picturing the scene where you would be able to eat in the hotel you're currently in (you should be able to if you don't actually check out of that hotel until the last day) so she sees you around the place but she doesn't know where you disappear off to each evening and won't have access to your bedroom 😂If you can pop in and out to the hotel it'll really piss her off and you could have great fun waving at her from a distance but she honestly wouldn't have a breeze what the actual fuck is going on!

Main Character energy

Haha

Just leave a note with a link to this thread. She will get the message then.

I think moving to a different hotel is a great idea, given that it's affordable. You are there now, you might as well enjoy the rest of your holiday without the awkwardness from your hopefully now ex-friend.

She would probably as her to do a Pee for her in that case 😂

If you plan to check out just make sure they don’t think she’s also going and - more importantly - they don’t think you don’t want your flight or transfers as well

The sad thing is, if she really can’t see her behaviour she’s going to end up a very lonely old lady.
There’s nothing more you can do OP, you’ve been as obvious as you can without being downright rude!!

Well done OP!

I'd have done the same. I'd rather make the most of my last few days than suffer the sulking and awkwardness of a shared room. That's going to be one tense flight home though!!!

Please do this! What a CF she is!!!