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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who is in the wrong here? Instagram related

88 replies

katy322 · 24/08/2023 17:48

I noticed that my boyfriend was following a load of girls, some of whom share half naked pictures every day.

I told my boyfriend I didn’t feel comfortable with this, his argument against this was “yeah but I know her”. He met her twice about ten years ago and has never spoke to her since.
I find it really disrespectful based on the content she posts. And he just argued that he “knows” her
He said he would unfollow her for my sake, but doesn’t agree that he should unfollow her because “he doesn’t look at her pictures”. It’s a literal photo app?? He’s so funny about unfollowing her because he met her twice in like 2013.

Am I wrong in feeling really uncomfortable and annoyed about this?

OP posts:
Original poster
katy322 · 24/08/2023 17:48

Pretty much all of her pictures had her boobs hanging out or her in a bikini

OP posts:
FlyingSoap · 24/08/2023 17:50

Obviously YANBU, he’s following a ‘load’ not just this one plus he should listen to your point and unfollow her. Many red flags OP

DoubleStandardsNotToday · 24/08/2023 17:51

Would you also tell him to stop looking at women on the beach? You can't really expect to say what he can and cannot do, it's controlling.
bu all means raise the issue that you feel uncomfortable but no tell him who to unfollow

Original poster
katy322 · 24/08/2023 17:51

There’s around 4 of 5, all of whom he has met before which is his argument. He says he shouldn’t have to unfollow people he knows purely based on their content.
He doesn’t follow any random girls, influencers etc

OP posts:
Legselevens · 24/08/2023 17:56

I think you you need to step back a bit and re assess your approach

DustyLee123 · 24/08/2023 17:58

How would you feel if he was looking at porn ?

cruffinsmuffin · 24/08/2023 17:59

I mean it's 4/5 girls who he's met and known in real life - they're obviously comfortable putting those photos out there. He's hardly following accounts for strippers / pornstars he doesn't know? Bikini photos / tops showing boobs don't sound half naked though, is this something you'd have an issue with on holiday / at a pool? What's your thought process around not liking it?

Having said that we all have different boundaries, if that's your hard stop - that you don't want him following anyone who posts photos of themselves like that, regardless of if he knows them or not, that's your boundary. I can see from his point of view - why would he unfollow people he knows because you don't like their photos.

Ponoka7 · 24/08/2023 18:00

Does he chat to them, or just like photos? My DD has a lot of bikini pics across her SM. She transformed her body after coming out of an abusive relationship and posts a range of holiday pictures. She has old male friends, who she still chats to on there. Your pictures don't indicate if you'd shag every man that follows you.

watyawant · 24/08/2023 18:03

Hmm policing the following list of your Oh is dodgy territory to me.
What about the women who post selfies, are they allowed? Or is it just bikinis that offend you? What about if they're wearing a short skirt? A tight dress? Gym leggings?
Is he even liking the photos?
Tbh the fact that you're aware of who he is following (are you going through his following list or are you opening his Instagram app on his phone?) and what photos they regularly post is speaking to insecurity. Don't get me wrong, I've been there, it's horrible but policing his account is not the answer.

Disturbia81 · 24/08/2023 18:16

I have high standards about this stuff, if he was following models, only fans, porn, random women with thirsty pics I would get rid. But it's a few people he knows and he doesn't even like the photos.

Original poster
katy322 · 24/08/2023 18:17

He’s now telling me he “completely disagrees with the whole principle of it”, he “doesn’t find it disrespectful” and he “might as well unfollow everyone he barely knows then”

OP posts:
Original poster
katy322 · 25/08/2023 12:04

Ok so he was angry at me and, to spite me, unfollowed pretty much everyone he doesn’t speak to anymore.

He has since apologised for being petty, but it’s still happened now. I feel so bad for it because I never meant for him to do that, but he said it’s fine and it’s done now..

OP posts:
ManateeFair · 25/08/2023 12:14

I feel so bad for it because I never meant for him to do that

Well, what did you mean for him to do, then? YABU.

Original poster
katy322 · 25/08/2023 12:19

I didn’t mean for him to unfollow every single person he follows that he doesn’t really speak to. I never said that. I thought it was disrespectful that he still followed the ones that post half naked pictures

OP posts:
ChilliNoodleGoodness · 25/08/2023 12:20

you shouldn't get to police his social media. Expect to be dumped soon

Original poster
katy322 · 25/08/2023 12:21

I’m not policing it, this is what I’m saying. A half naked girl came up on my explore page and I noticed he followed her. I didn’t feel comfortable with this.

he got defensive and said “fine I’ll unfollow everyone I barely know then” and did so out of anger

OP posts:
cruffinsmuffin · 25/08/2023 12:31

katy322 · 25/08/2023 12:21

I’m not policing it, this is what I’m saying. A half naked girl came up on my explore page and I noticed he followed her. I didn’t feel comfortable with this.

he got defensive and said “fine I’ll unfollow everyone I barely know then” and did so out of anger

I mean you kind of are policing it - you noticed a photo he'd liked, then went and checked who else he was following who'd posted similar pictures and then mentioned it to him wanting him to unfollow them.

Original poster
katy322 · 25/08/2023 12:39

But I never asked him to unfollow everyone he doesn’t speak to anymore. He’s done that out of spite and defensiveness, not addressing the actual issue, and I feel awful about it

OP posts:
MyBrewMyShoes · 25/08/2023 12:41

katy322 · 25/08/2023 12:21

I’m not policing it, this is what I’m saying. A half naked girl came up on my explore page and I noticed he followed her. I didn’t feel comfortable with this.

he got defensive and said “fine I’ll unfollow everyone I barely know then” and did so out of anger

What do you mean by a half naked girl though? By girl do you mean underage?

An adult woman in a bikini? A porn star/stripper? A woman on holiday?

Original poster
katy322 · 25/08/2023 12:42

A woman our age in bikinis on holiday, but very up-close pictures of her boobs and constant posting of it

OP posts:
Moroccanqueen · 25/08/2023 12:47

katy322 · 25/08/2023 12:21

I’m not policing it, this is what I’m saying. A half naked girl came up on my explore page and I noticed he followed her. I didn’t feel comfortable with this.

he got defensive and said “fine I’ll unfollow everyone I barely know then” and did so out of anger

You are policing it though in the nicest possible way. Instagram is full of “half naked” women. It sounds like the issues are more based on your trust with him than anything else. My oh follows loads of “half naked women” and I follow a lot of “half naked men” were both into fitness so comes with the territory as a lot of them are body builders but I trust him and he trusts me so it’s not an issue. I think you need to work on your own insecurities and trust issues

IamnotSethRogan · 25/08/2023 12:49

How do you even know who he follows ? I've been with my husband 10 years + and in all that time it has never even occurred to me to look at and make demands regarding the people he follows on any socials.

Valerie23 · 25/08/2023 12:56

What do you think is going to happen?

No offence but I expect those kinds of women have much better options than your boyfriend, Brian from Hull etc

Codependantnomore · 25/08/2023 12:59

You honestly need to grow up.

yellowsmileyface · 25/08/2023 13:01

You're coming across as very jealous here. I'd get the ick if my partner was following lots of onlyfans or pornstar accounts, but a few girls he's actually met who happen to be posting some holiday snaps? Not so much.

I feel you're using quite hyperbolic language with "half naked" and "boobs hanging out". I can't help but feel you're exaggerating to make your point.