Who is in the wrong here? Instagram related

[katy322]

I noticed that my boyfriend was following a load of girls, some of whom share half naked pictures every day.

I told my boyfriend I didn’t feel comfortable with this, his argument against this was “yeah but I know her”. He met her twice about ten years ago and has never spoke to her since.
I find it really disrespectful based on the content she posts. And he just argued that he “knows” her
He said he would unfollow her for my sake, but doesn’t agree that he should unfollow her because “he doesn’t look at her pictures”. It’s a literal photo app?? He’s so funny about unfollowing her because he met her twice in like 2013.

Am I wrong in feeling really uncomfortable and annoyed about this?

OP this is more about you feeling jealous and insecure. What actually is the issue with him following people he knows and seeing some photos of them? What do you think is going to happen?

It sounds to me like you might be a bit insecure, I say that because I’m insecure too. I’m guilty of getting into it because of it, I always try and come to my senses and apologise for it. He is with ME. Not anyone else. If this is the case: own it. Be honest. Talk. Be nice.

I am sure he will want to be supportive, mine is and tries to appreciate what I have been through that has meant I feel this way. Often it can come out wrong and cause an argument but know that it’s something you are over thinking. If he isn’t hiding his feed, I am sure you don’t have anything to worry about. ☺️

Easy to criticise but not everyone has a tip top batch of self esteem! Good luck and I hope you manage to talk it out. 👍🏻 have faith.

It's weird that you care so much about social media and have checked out your partner's following list

To be honest I think I worry because he originally did follow loads of pornstars. I expressed at the beginning of the relationship that this wasn’t ok and he agreed and unfollowed them but I guess it just tells me what he likes

Are you a teenager? If you are you may want to mature a bit, if not then you have issues you need to address it appears

No I’m 20

Except you are policing it. You are telling him you’re not happy about him following women that he knows because they post sexy pics.

I would not be happy if my husband took that approach with me. It’s very possessive behaviour. You are in the wrong.

A self respecting woman with the self esteem to know she doesnt have to put up with anything just to keep a man, does not tolerate behaviour she dislikes.
It is not controlling to object to behaviour you don't want in your relationship.
People who say that it is are trying to gaslight you into putting a man's wishes ahead of your own.
If you don't want a partner who leers at other women in their underwear (and frankly, who would?) then say so.
He then get to choose between carrying on with it and his relationship with you.

What nonsense. Just because someone doesn’t like a certain behaviour, doesn’t make their demand ok and a sign of self respect.

What if OP did want him to have any female friends on Instagram? Or any female friends in real life? And then didn’t like his friends so wanted him to stop seeing them? Where does the line stop?

And is that the same for a man too?

You are policing it though. So what if he follows bikini-clad women? I follow a male celebrity that I think is incredibly attractive and he often posts semi-clothed or nude photos with just a hand or object covering his willy. Just because I have a partner doesn't mean I'm not allowed to look at other nice-looking people. It sounds like he isn't even following them to look at their pics though, he's following acquaintances who also happen to post bikini pics. What do you do if you go to the beach with him, put blinkers on him like a horse?

You sound controlling to be honest.

You can’t stop him looking at women. If he’s 20 as well, and he met them over a decade ago, these are presumably ladies he went to primary school with.

YABU and controlling

Its nothing to do with a mans wishes... a man doing this to his girlfriend would instantly be labled abuse.

Its how abuses isolate their victims... its a red flag and no less so because OP has a vagina.

She is of course free to scare every man off, get a reputation for being abusive and end up alone though.

You're definitely being unreasonable. If you'd enabled voting we'd see that very clearly.

Loads of people I follow have their boobs out or are half naked, both male and female. My partner wouldn't care in the slightest. I also don't even know what my partner's social media accounts are and who he follows (been together over 10 years) and don't care if he is looking at half or fully naked ladies.

I as a woman have sufficient self respect to know that what I want is of equal importance to what my partner wants.
I as a woman have sufficient self esteem to know that my partner is not my only option, and if he is behaving in a way I dislike, I don't need to tolerate it because I have other choices.
I have every right to reject relationships with men who leer at other women if I so choose, and every right to inform my partner that that will not be a feature of any relationship I am in.
The word 'demand' is yours not mine. Mine is a simple statement of my position. My partner is then free to choose to stay on those terms or to move on.
No one is controlling. No one has to put up with something they don't want.

I really don't think the OP needs to be stooping to the level of man who'd be 'scared' at being asked to stop leering at women on IG anyway.😂

You are allowed your own boundaries and needs OP. Most of the posters on here are toxic as f**k. Even top relationship experts and phycologists agree that it is essential for an individual to establish your own personal boundaries, and you clearly need one here if it's making you uncomfortable. It's not a case of telling him what he can and can't do. It's a case of knowing yourself what you will or will not accept in a relationship.

A relationship is supposed to make you happy, not miserable.

If you think it's worth it, show him you won't tolerate it, by breaking up with him.
If he comes back he's serious about you.

YABU

Firstly, you come across as incredibly insecure. Most self-respecting women wouldn't care who their partner followed on social media. He follows girls who post bikini photos... so what? Do you assume he's lusting after them or intending to cheat on you?

Secondly, you say you didn't want him to unfollow them. Well what did you want then? You're making a fuss but not being clear what outcome you actually wanted.

I'm not surprised he got cross.

Abusive people never have the self awareness to know they are abusive... even when a whole thread is telling them.

The narcissism wont let them see their flaws.

Hear hear.
Its reached a new low when they're on here trying to manipulate and gaslight a 20 year old women. Hope more genuine posters are along soon.

I am in a similar situation OP, DP and I both had a huge clear out of our followers after he changed to a job that brought him into contact with people who may be risky. We both agreed to only have followers who we know properly.

I noticed he was following a lady posing in a bikini with a name he had never mentioned before so I asked who is X. Apparently she is an Instagram model who went to the same gym as him 10 years ago.

Because I had questioned this he went straight into defensive/attack mode, he can't be arsed with me, I am pathetic, how dare I accuse him, what am I implying?

Told me all I need to know really. Not one accusation had passed my lips, I asked who she was, nothing more.

Oh give it a rest. This is a young woman you're trying to use here to promote your nonsense. You should be embarrassed.