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Original poster

Who is in the wrong here? Instagram related

88 replies

katy322 · 24/08/2023 17:48

I noticed that my boyfriend was following a load of girls, some of whom share half naked pictures every day.

I told my boyfriend I didn’t feel comfortable with this, his argument against this was “yeah but I know her”. He met her twice about ten years ago and has never spoke to her since.
I find it really disrespectful based on the content she posts. And he just argued that he “knows” her
He said he would unfollow her for my sake, but doesn’t agree that he should unfollow her because “he doesn’t look at her pictures”. It’s a literal photo app?? He’s so funny about unfollowing her because he met her twice in like 2013.

Am I wrong in feeling really uncomfortable and annoyed about this?

OP posts:
TheGoodBanana · 25/08/2023 19:22

applesandmares · 25/08/2023 16:39

When considering if it is a 'healthy' boundary or not I think you have to consider how social media is used by the younger generations, especially under the age of around 30. It's a relatively new thing in itself but the way it's used has changed a lot.

My mum wouldn't think twice about liking a photo of Gary from down the road. She wouldn't expect him to think anything of it other than she liked the photo.

For younger people, social media plays a massive role in how they 'date' and get to know each other. A message isn't simply a message saying hi, it's 'sliding into DMs' with a probably intention of flirting.

OP's boyfriend liking bikini photos of a woman he doesn't know is the modern equivalent to a random woman walking past your house in a bikini every day and your husband running out to tell her she looks good. I can't see many of the women on here liking that 😂

Social media etiquette in relationships is probably drastically different depending on how old you are. It's an expectation in younger relationships that your boyfriend won't like photos of other women, as it might be in other relationships that your husband doesn't approach women he doesn't know and tell them they're beautiful.

I've never seen it explained like this but it does sun it up well.

Liking someone's photo is signalling to them you think they are attractive. Bit like wolf whistling randoms walking past.

Fallingthroughclouds · 25/08/2023 21:17

Seems like a massive over reaction to a few bikini pics.

Original poster
katy322 · 25/08/2023 21:38

In fairness he wasn’t liking the photos

OP posts:
BeauSignoles · 25/08/2023 22:05

I think he sounds grim. The 2023 equivalent of buying Nuts Magazine, immature and objectifying women.

Original poster
katy322 · 25/08/2023 22:12

I wouldn’t say he’s grim, I think he just felt he couldn’t be trusted

OP posts:
GoingGoingUp · 26/08/2023 02:54

BeauSignoles · 25/08/2023 22:05

I think he sounds grim. The 2023 equivalent of buying Nuts Magazine, immature and objectifying women.

Because he has friends on his Instagram who happen to post pictures of themselves on holiday in their bikinis…?

theGooHasGone · 26/08/2023 03:01

Sounds like a massive overreaction on both your parts. A storm in a D cup, if you will.

Whatishappeningxxx · 26/08/2023 04:49

I've been in this exact situation 4 years ago. Together 3 years, and I got Instagram for the first time and saw it all. I then asked if he was messaging anyone else, he got defensive. I left. Heart broke me but I look at him now and think nah glad he wasn't the one! I'm friends with him now but don't see him anymore than that!

JMSA · 26/08/2023 05:01

'Sort of' knowing them just makes it better wank material.
Sorry, but this is how men think.
YANBU.

LadyBird1973 · 26/08/2023 07:03

I'm with the OP - I think its disrespectful in relationships to be ogling other people. And that's what it is on instagram when you follow people who are essentially strangers (even if he has met them twice Confused) who post mainly pictures where they're barely dressed. Obviously different if they post lots of normal photos and just the odd one of them on the beach in a bikini! Everyone on here knows the kind of 'suggestive' posed pic that you mean, even if they're pretending not to!

It's good to have standards. I suspect the OPs boyfriend wouldn't like it if she was looking at men she 'knew' on instagram in that way.

MeganBoo · 28/08/2023 13:23

Bit late to comment but I was in the same predicament but probably worse about a month ago I looked on my boyfriends phone and saw he was messaging loads of girls on Instagram during the whole 2 years of our relationship…the messages were extremely flirty and he’d even messaged an only fans girl asking what services she offers (he never got a reply from her) he admitted some were genuinely flirting but also said he’s messaging some of them for work purposes and he’s flirting with them to befriend them and get them to be a loyal customer and stupidly I let it slide and we’ve now moved past it but it’s bothering me deep down as I look at his Instagram every now and then when I have the courage and see he’s liked pictures of girls in revealing clothes etc and I dread to think who he’s messaging on there.

LadyBird1973 · 28/08/2023 18:07

@MeganBoo time to get out of that relationship. You don't trust him and you have good reason not to. You don't want to wake up in 10 years when you are 2 kids and a mortgage deep and it's much harder to extricate yourself.

Disturbia81 · 31/08/2023 15:08

MeganBoo · 28/08/2023 13:23

Bit late to comment but I was in the same predicament but probably worse about a month ago I looked on my boyfriends phone and saw he was messaging loads of girls on Instagram during the whole 2 years of our relationship…the messages were extremely flirty and he’d even messaged an only fans girl asking what services she offers (he never got a reply from her) he admitted some were genuinely flirting but also said he’s messaging some of them for work purposes and he’s flirting with them to befriend them and get them to be a loyal customer and stupidly I let it slide and we’ve now moved past it but it’s bothering me deep down as I look at his Instagram every now and then when I have the courage and see he’s liked pictures of girls in revealing clothes etc and I dread to think who he’s messaging on there.

Oh god get out now! Stop disrespecting yourself by putting up with this. He'll never change.

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