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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Saying No to sleepovers

79 replies

whereswallyhidingtoday · 24/08/2023 12:40

Does it make me a bad person if I say no to sleepovers?

My son is five and he starts year 1 in September, he's very much looking forward to it and he's making me send pictures to everyone we know of his "big boy clothes" as he calls it. I've met a few of the parents of the children in his class this year and one Mum is very big on sleepovers even though I've politely declined many times.

I've no objection to play-dates, birthday/halloween/easter parties or going round for tea ocassionally but this Mum will not stop. And to me its coming across as rather odd, I dont know how many times I can say No. I'm not withholding sleepovers forever just for a few years. I know we all parent in our own ways and I'd never tell her how to raise her child but she's telling me Im traumatising my son (how?) and stunting his development (again.. how?) my child is very social but trusts adults too easily, which is something I'm working on with him

What can I say to this woman so she'll understand me?

AIBU im not letting my son have sleepovers?

OP posts:
QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 24/08/2023 12:42

You don't have to explain yourself just say 'no thank you' and leave it at that.

I'm the same, until my children are able to advocate for themselves and feel comfortable asking an adult to call me if they are distressed it will be a no from me. I don't care if anyone says anything to me, that's my decision and that's that.

RitzyMcFitzy · 24/08/2023 12:43

5 is way too young for sleepovers at a friend's house.

Just tell her that. You think your son is too young.

she's telling me Im traumatising my son (how?) and stunting his development (again.. how?)

She sounds like an utter moron. I'd be tempted to tell her that too but would bite my tongue. For now.

PurpleChrayne · 24/08/2023 12:44

"I've said no on multiple occasions now. It's slightly weird that you keep asking."

RandomButtons · 24/08/2023 12:45

just say no. There’s a load of reasons not to at that age, and none of them have to be explained to anyone.

NoKnit · 24/08/2023 14:58

At 5 not an issue just day no and that's the end of it. If your son himself is asking when he is 8/9 or older then yes that is unreasonable of you if he wants to sleep over at a family you know well. There is a huge difference. 5 is way too young I think

Trenchfootinthescottishhighlandstoday · 24/08/2023 15:01

No sleepovers until secondary school in our house...

MountMumanddad · 24/08/2023 15:04

I find it weird that she keeps asking after you’ve repeatedly refused, and to be honest that would make me not want to let my son ever sleep over at her house. Very odd behaviour.

We said no sleepovers til they were 8, which my son is next year, but now it’s approaching I feel like that’s still a bit young.

TropicalTrama · 24/08/2023 15:04

How weird! 5 is really young for sleepovers but unless relatives or family friends. And as an adult who actually wants sleepovers that badly? They’re pretty annoying as the kids never get enough sleep and disturb everyone. Then where does she get off being so rude to you? She sounds deranged in all honesty, I don’t think I’d let my child go round there at all.

Sigmama · 24/08/2023 15:05

Sleepovers with cousins start pretty young though

Whinge · 24/08/2023 15:05

She's being completely unreasonable, and I would be very surprised if any of his classmates are going to this child's house for sleepovers. It's really odd behaviour for the mum to be pushing it, especially for such young children.

Stand you ground, and I would be distancing myself from the parent.

*Edited for spelling

OhmygodDont · 24/08/2023 15:06

Yeah I’d just keep saying no.

Mine don’t go until old enough to have a phone to contact me if they need to

Strange that she pushes it so much tbh.

Pumpkindoodles · 24/08/2023 15:07

This woman you hardly know is being extremely pushy and commenting on your parenting? Even if I was ok with sleepovers I’d be saying no to her now because she’s clearly a weirdo

NeedTheSeaside · 24/08/2023 15:09

I don't have a problem with sleepovers that young myself & we took various little friends on camping holidays from even younger.

However, she sounds deranged and my kids wouldn't be going to her house at all. If she told me I was traumatising my child I'd probably retort that she was traumatising me. I'd be backing off faster than road runner.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 24/08/2023 15:10

My DS had his first sleepover recently, at just-turned-4, and it was a huge success. However, his older sister (6) was with him, and it was with two girls who he has known since birth, literally, and whose parents he therefore also knows well.

I think sleepovers at 5 are reasonable, BUT not a guaranteed success, and I agree with PPs that this mum’s pushiness about it is very weird. Most kids don’t have sleepovers until they’re older, and there’s no way I’d be sending a kid that young to a family I didn’t know and trust extraordinarily well.

ShineBright1209 · 24/08/2023 15:11

I’d just say no and that you don’t feel he is old enough. I wouldn’t want a 5 year old coming to sleep in mine unless it was family because at that age they are quite likely to get upset when it actually comes to bedtime and then that can have a knock on negative effect for any future sleepovers.

Hermione101 · 24/08/2023 15:12

Way too young. I don’t understand the parents who are talking about sleepover for 5-6 years olds. My DS has also received a few invitations, which have all been declined and which will be declined until he’s a teenagers.

No, you are not stunting his growth, traumatizing him.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 24/08/2023 15:13

Sleepovers are only a thing when children are old enough to ask for them in this house. And they have to have stayed over with family several times without being upset and wanting to come home before I even consider it.

We do family sleepovers very often, but it tends to be other people’s kids staying here much more often than mine staying elsewhere. Just because of space.

Positive41 · 24/08/2023 15:14

I would not allow sleepovers until they are teens- at the very least.

You do not know anyone truly, I would not take the risk.

You do not know who is coming in and out the house.

A firm no from me. Other parents should respect your decision.

rhino12345 · 24/08/2023 15:16

Wow 5 is very young for a sleepover! I would be saying no too

Saoirse82 · 24/08/2023 15:19

No 5 year old is having sleep overseas unless it's with family. She sounds like a nutcase! Tell her to butt out and stop being a weirdo constantly asking.

Catsanfan · 24/08/2023 15:26

Tell her to piss off, 5 is insanely too young for a sleepover

gabsdot · 24/08/2023 15:27

We've always had a no sleepover policy except with family and very close friends and I mean where DH and I are close friends with the parents.
I've also refused to host sleepovers except with the same group.
I cannot understand parents who let their kids spend the night in a house with adults that they don't know and 5 is very young.

ReadtheReviews · 24/08/2023 15:31

Sleepovers when you know the parents well and have been to their house, seen what adults and animals are their etc. We just had one for dd8 that was a spectacular disaster so have put them on hold for another year or two. Five is too young to stand up for themselves.

ReadtheReviews · 24/08/2023 15:31

*there!!!

meltingrainbows · 24/08/2023 15:31

When she next asks, "Thanks for the invite, but as I've mentioned, we don't do sleepovers."

You could add "though I'm happy for the boys to have a play date." But only if you want to.

If she keeps on, I'd add, "You've asked me several times and I've said repeatedly that we don't do sleepovers. To be honest, I'm getting a bit uncomfortable at you continually pushing for this."

If she criticises your parenting, don't engage or try and defend yourself, it'll make you look as if you're doing something wrong and you're not. Just say something like, "Well we all parent differently and I do what works for my family. I would never criticise your parenting, so please don't criticise mine just because I do things differently to you."

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