Am I excessively empathetic?

[candyflossandme]

I’m really poorly, and my boyfriend attempted to make me my favourite takeaway side (Bombay potatoes). It took him an hour and a half bless him.
He noticed I didn’t eat many and I had to admit they weren’t very nice, a bit strong in a certain spice.
His face dropped and I felt awful. I then cried even looking at the potatoes because there’s so many there and I feel so bad.

I put it down to being poorly; but I remember other instances in the past too.
I cried when I got a D in GCSE history in year 10, purely because my Dad loves history and I felt sad. I remember looking at the picture of a war plane on the textbook and it made me cry. I wasn’t worried that I disappointed him, just really sad for him because I knew he loved it (turns out I re-sat and got an A* haha!)
I also cried on the first day of year 7 because my parents said it’d be great for me to try cross country. I forgot my PE kit so couldn’t go. I watched them all run off and cried because I felt sad for my parents (even though they told me not to be silly and it wasn’t a big deal).

Is there such thing as being too much of an empath? Why do such silly things make me cry?

I'd just say you're overly emotional.

Think about it: If you really were overly empathetic you'd never have posted on here in case you upset someone.

Most of what you mention happened when you were a child. Children are sensitive.

Why do you want to be labelled an 'empath'?

Maybe you are just very sensitive?

I just feel pathetic. I keep tearing up even just looking at the potatoes. Not because I feel guilty, just so bad for him even though it’s not a big deal

If you were that much of an "empath", 🙄, you wouldn't have told your boyfriend that his potatoes were shit.

I didn’t tell them they were shit for god sake when did I say that

Well whatever you are, I’m the opposite cos I read this It took him an hour and a half bless him and instantly thought, “FFS, he’s not 7, what’s with the “bless him”? Why are you infantilising a grown man and seeing it as a ‘nice’ thing when he can’t manage such a basic domestic task as following a simple recipe?”

I don’t think you’re overly empathetic, just emotional. Crying into the potatoes sounds more like guilt than empathy. Misplaced though. If you were empathetic to his emotions right now, you should be feeling embarrassment that you took so bloody long to boil some spuds! 🤣

I think you're sensitive but most of the examples given don't sound that unusual.
Getting a poor grade in GCSEs
Forgetting something and getting left out as a result when you're new to Secondary school.
Being ill, having somebody you love do something nice then it backfired.

All fairly usual things to upset by.
A lot of people on here are horrified by people who cry at stuff but personally I think crying is quite a healthy response and much better than bottling it up.

I wouldn’t say I cried for those reasons though, I didn’t cry about the grade or missing out. I genuinely only cried because I felt bad for other people

I get what you mean, OP.

I’m very sensitive for myself and others. When someone else is embarrassed, I can feel myself flush with embarrassment for them too.

I would prefer bad things happen to me rather than my family.

I would say I’m a highly sensitive person. I wish I cared less.

Also, crying at the potatoes, you do have to factor in that you're ill. I always get weepy and emotional when ill.

Who would she upset? This makes no sense. She’s empathetic , not an idiot.

I’m very sensitive for myself and others. When someone else is embarrassed, I can feel myself flush with embarrassment for them too.

😆😆
Me too!!

Why is that empathy though? Sounds more like some form of people pleasing, worrying too much about doing what other people expect of you.

But in none of these cases is there any evidence they actually were as upset by it as you seem to think - your thought process actually seems quite self-centred!

No, you’re just poor at managing your emotions.

🙄

I don’t think those are so much examples of being empathetic, more that you’re a people pleaser and you get upset when you feel like you don’t deliver what others want.

What is the use of putting a “🙄” emoji? If you don’t agree why not just scroll on? It’s so unnecessary when all I’m doing is asking for a point of view 🙁

People only ever show you what they want to show you. So you never know how someone else feels. You only know what they choose to show you what they feel.

So, if you are more empathetic than someone else, it's entirely dependent on how much that someone else has chosen to share with you.

you'll never ever know if you are more or less empathic as someone else. or if you just need to show your empathy more than some

Why has this started bothering you now? Has something triggered it? (Other than potatoes?!!)

Yes, it sounds from those examples as if you feel you have to keep others happy by living up to expectations (whether real or imagined). You sound as if you're caring (rather than empathetic in these cases, as empathy would mean seeing the other person's view in more perspective) to the extent that you literally feel a disappointment.

Sound more like an overly sensitive people pleaser than "an empath" to be honest. What you're feeling is nothing to do with what the person is feeling and everything to do with you worrying you've upset them (even if you haven't). That's not empathy because you're not actually empathising with them, you're projecting your own feelings onto them.

I’m sorry, I don’t think any of these examples demonstrate that you’re particularly empathetic.

Does it make you feel better somehow to think you’re sad on behalf of someone else rather than yourself?

No I would not say that is empathy. Ironic that you think it is when you misjudged others emotions in your examples 🙈

Also who just eats a side of potatoes on its own…?