Am I excessively empathetic?

[candyflossandme]

I’m really poorly, and my boyfriend attempted to make me my favourite takeaway side (Bombay potatoes). It took him an hour and a half bless him.
He noticed I didn’t eat many and I had to admit they weren’t very nice, a bit strong in a certain spice.
His face dropped and I felt awful. I then cried even looking at the potatoes because there’s so many there and I feel so bad.

I put it down to being poorly; but I remember other instances in the past too.
I cried when I got a D in GCSE history in year 10, purely because my Dad loves history and I felt sad. I remember looking at the picture of a war plane on the textbook and it made me cry. I wasn’t worried that I disappointed him, just really sad for him because I knew he loved it (turns out I re-sat and got an A* haha!)
I also cried on the first day of year 7 because my parents said it’d be great for me to try cross country. I forgot my PE kit so couldn’t go. I watched them all run off and cried because I felt sad for my parents (even though they told me not to be silly and it wasn’t a big deal).

Is there such thing as being too much of an empath? Why do such silly things make me cry?

I used to 'forget' mine to get out of cross country running

How is that empathy though?
If you like, it’s possibly emotional intelligence or just simply low level intelligence - thinking through that some people might be jealous (or whatever) about higher grades.
You can simultaneously realise it might upset people whilst being completely unmoved yourself and not giving a shit how they then feel about that.

Thankyou, I do think I'm an empath, or hope so. I also hope I've replied properly as this is only my third post, long time lurker 😊

You said you feel poorly,so perhaps over emotional. I feel over emotional when I’m poorly also.don’t over think it and get well soon…

Yeah quite possibly and very difficult to gauge on a forum.

Who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️ might be more of an in person skill or just intuition. I may have it completely wrong with my example but was just answering the AIBU for OP.

Empaths don’t exist, they’re just narcissistic people. Don’t aim to be one! It’s very arrogant and self-centred to think you feel things more than other people. Remember what you see of others doesn’t necessary tell you how deep their feelings are.

I think the example of your boyfriend was a bit mean! His face falling ☹️

Exam results are ‘just one of those things’? How do you think exams work, exactly? 🤣

All that crying sounds like attention seeking to me.

Surely if you were an empath you'd know what she means

This is an excellent assessment, I think.

Have you ever been to the Sistine Chapel, OP….?

I got an A in History btw.

I THOUGHT THIS! 🤣🤣🤣

Lol

I think you’re normal. If the only 3 examples you can give are when you’re ill and when you’re a child then it doesn’t seem to be such a huge deal. And those examples aren’t actually empathy btw, more people pleasing

Felt bad for other people or felt bad for not pleasing other people?

I think you're fine, don't worry about it. Some people just cry easily.

I cried over Wallace and Gromit because a cartoon fridge that was skiing on the moon ran out of battery and got stuck alone forever. A cartoon. A cartoon fridge!! Poor thing just looked so sad and I couldn't stop thinking about therw being nobody left there to rescue him! 🙄

@miniaturepixieonacid 😂😂 I love this.

I think this thread demonstrates that many people don’t understand the real meaning of being an empath, including the OP.

It is not something to admire, or aspire to be. Empaths are hyper tuned to the atmosphere in the room. They can read micro changes in someone’s mood or body language. They are stuck on high alert in order to sense potential conflict, problems, emotional dysregulation in other people, in order to stay safe. It is most usually caused by trauma (for example a child with unpredictable parent who they needed to placate and please to avoid conflict, abuse, neglect, punishment etc). Being an empath is NOT FUN.

Empaths don’t imagine what they think people will be feeling about things they have done (forgetting PE kit, D grade etc) and then get upset about it. They are usually very in control of their own emotions and rarely show distress or vulnerability.

So no, sorry, what you describe is not empathy. It is sensitivity, an active imagination, emotional dysregulation and perhaps some people pleasing tendencies to avoid rejection or abandonment.

You are not an empath - and should be glad about that!

I'd agree with this.

I think you can relax about being an empath.

Maybe is psychic then

You do not seem unusually empathetic to me. Just old-fashioned emotional.

I am am empath. I hate it. What you describe is not empathy but rather over sensitivity to making people upset.

Agree being overly empathetic is not good and maybe linked to trauma, certainly isn't helpful as it does tend to lead to being an emotional vulture not on purpose I hope. But op is not one.

Empathy are not narcissistic. Empathy are simply highly runes to the micro moods of other people. Narcissistic people have no idea of interest in the feelings of others. Quite the opposite. Empathetic behaviour is often formed in children of Marxism parents/ it’s how they learn to survive- being one step abreast of their parents’ moods.