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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel worried for this womans saferty and wonder why she isnt?

174 replies

girlfriend44 · 23/08/2023 13:31

Looking out the window in the middle of the night was a woman walking down the road in shorts and alone.

I was wondering why she dosent feel scared, I would?

Yes she should be able too. Yes it dosent matter what she was wearing, but really would you want your daughter to do that? I wouldnt and wouldnt do it myself.

I wonder if some people dont listen to the news and why they arent scared that they will be attacked or abused walking along in the early hours. Do they think it wont happen to them?

We all know what some men are like, its on here often enough?
Remember that I do know women should be able too and it dosent matter if she was wearing a bag on her head, clothing has nothing to do with it really? but you just have to wonder why?

Was she brave or silly and would you have felt worried for her?

OP posts:
TheAOEAztec · 23/08/2023 15:09

Get away with the shorts thing drama as well. I did say it didnt matter what she was wearing in my original post, as usual most dont read the post and think they are funny by referring to it.

If it didn't matter (or was not goady enough) you wouldn't mention it

Overdemanding · 23/08/2023 15:09

girlfriend44 · 23/08/2023 15:07

Get a grip she didnt even see me.

I felt concerned for her thats all. Is that so wrong?

Women are at risk walking alone in the middle of the night/ early hours like it or not. Attacks happen. Yes they happen at others times, but you are increasing your risk in the early hours out alone.

None of this she was only walking home thing and outcrys and marches and vigils (sarah everard) will ever stop men raping and murdering women.

Get away with the shorts thing drama as well. I did say it didnt matter what she was wearing in my original post, as usual most dont read the post and think they are funny by referring to it.

Show quote history

If it didn't matter why did you mention it? That is exactly the point everyone is making and you are missing.

MotherofGorgons · 23/08/2023 15:09

OP, what would you think if I told you that I have travelled alone in India, Thailand, Egypt, Sri Lanka, Malaysia and various other countries? Sometimes wearing shorts.

Original poster
girlfriend44 · 23/08/2023 15:09

Wheresthebeach · 23/08/2023 15:07

Bloody hell...shorts! We should all cover up completely not to entice men I guess. I swear posts are getting more and more goady and misogynistic here.

again another poster not reading the post. I give up. Dont worry.

OP posts:
IfICantHaveYou · 23/08/2023 15:14

Where's the statistics to back up your claims @girlfriend44 ??

PinkBuffalo · 23/08/2023 15:18

This could well have been me op

I live in shorts and T-shirt and am often walking about at odd times cos I like being out and about instead of cooped up inside

I also live alone so have no one to come with me when I do this

Wheresthebeach · 23/08/2023 15:18

girlfriend44 · 23/08/2023 15:09

again another poster not reading the post. I give up. Dont worry.

Show quote history

I did read the post obviously. I think the content referring to how she’s dressed is misogynistic in that it’s suggesting how she’s dressed impacts her chances of being raped. Rape is about power, it’s not because a man sees a pair of legs. I find the assumptions of your post deeply offensive.

jazzyfips · 23/08/2023 15:21

girlfriend44 · 23/08/2023 13:41

Do you live in a particularly dangerous area?

nowhere is safe is it?

Edited

Why leave your house at all with that mindset?

Duechristmas · 23/08/2023 15:22

Have you considered counseling?

TheAOEAztec · 23/08/2023 15:23

Rape is about power, it’s not because a man sees a pair of legs

Yup, otherwise we would see near 0 in winter....

Hadjab · 23/08/2023 15:23

girlfriend44 · 23/08/2023 15:09

again another poster not reading the post. I give up. Dont worry.

Show quote history

Other posters will jump on the clothing part of your post because it's irrelevant. Women are raped everyday, at all times of the day, in many varied locations. Women are raped in their beds, by their partners, in clubs, streets, abandoned buildings, by the same and by men they don't know. What they are, or are not wearing usually isn't a factor

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/natureofsexualassaultbyrapeorpenetrationenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2020#perpetrator-characteristics

Nature of sexual assault by rape or penetration, England and Wales - Office for National Statistics

Information from the Crime Survey for England and Wales on the amount, type and nature of sexual assault by rape or penetration (including attempts) experienced since the age of 16 years.

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/natureofsexualassaultbyrapeorpenetrationenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2020#perpetrator-characteristics

MsFannySqueers · 23/08/2023 15:24

@Duechristmas wise advice indeed. What’s all this Edit business if you edit your post while previewing it shows now?

CountTo10 · 23/08/2023 15:28

girlfriend44 · 23/08/2023 13:31

Looking out the window in the middle of the night was a woman walking down the road in shorts and alone.

I was wondering why she dosent feel scared, I would?

Yes she should be able too. Yes it dosent matter what she was wearing, but really would you want your daughter to do that? I wouldnt and wouldnt do it myself.

I wonder if some people dont listen to the news and why they arent scared that they will be attacked or abused walking along in the early hours. Do they think it wont happen to them?

We all know what some men are like, its on here often enough?
Remember that I do know women should be able too and it dosent matter if she was wearing a bag on her head, clothing has nothing to do with it really? but you just have to wonder why?

Was she brave or silly and would you have felt worried for her?

Statistics have shown time and again that it is men who more likely to be the victim of violent crime than women. In fact I think the most at risk group is men/boys between the ages of 15 & 24.

The reason you predominately read about crimes of rape/ murder, particularly by a stranger, against women is because they are pretty rare. A few years ago one of the papers had photos of all the people stabbed in London out in the street. It was a big page and they were predominantly male but I didn't see any threads on here talking about how unsafe it was for men.

In answer to your question I have no problem as a single woman walking around on my own at night. The worst things that have happened to me have happened in the apparent safety of my home which include being attacked by a stranger who broke into the house.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 23/08/2023 15:30

Well if it's not about what the woman was wearing then why mention her clothing at all?

Women are not raped because they're wearing clothes, they're raped because they have the misfortune to run into a rapist.

On that basis, I don't understand your reason for posting either, it's odd.

CoatesCat · 23/08/2023 15:33

But Ophow do you know she wasn't worried for her safety? I've been that woman walking somewhere in the early hours .I was worried about my safety but potential attack by a stranger was less scary than the situation i ws running away from. If you were that worried about her why didn't you go and ask if she was ok?

WhereTheTeapotsJibberJabberJoo · 23/08/2023 15:34

A woman walking alone at night may be vulnerable, but I doubt wearing shorts has anything to do with it!

Branleuse · 23/08/2023 15:41

I would have definitely walked around at night when I was younger. I didnt have much fear at all.
I still would do it if i had to but would make sure someone knew my movements. I don't think it's odd at all and while I think it carries an element of risk, I don't think women should curtail their lives.

MrsMarzetti · 23/08/2023 15:41

Maybe she was scared and that is why she was walking down the street in the middle of the night !

IamnotSethRogan · 23/08/2023 15:49

The problem is in your post you think you've covered yourself by saying "I know they should be able to" "what she's wearing isn't important " (but you still thought fit to mention it) However it's still a bit strange how dramatic you are about someone walking home. Yes there are risks. It's like saying someone is mad for driving a car when we all know how many people die in car accidents.

CherryMaDeara · 23/08/2023 15:53

Sounds like you are judging her for the shorts and being out late at night and dressing it up as concern.

If you were that concerned, why didnt you pop out and ask her if she needs help?

FOffULEZ · 23/08/2023 16:00

"Get away with the shorts thing drama as well. I did say it didnt matter what she was wearing in my original post, as usual most dont read the post and think they are funny by referring to it."

"It didn't matter" yet you still felt the need to comment on what she was wearing....

DinnaeFashYersel · 23/08/2023 16:08

There would be nothing wrong with being a woman, walking down the road, walking at 3am, or wearing shorts where I live.

But there are some areas where I would prefer to be in a taxi.

Blueblell · 23/08/2023 16:24

it doesn’t make a difference what you are wearing - if you are unlucky enough to cross paths with the type of person who is going to attack you then they won’t care if you are wearing shorts or full winter gear.

I think although attacks we hear about are shocking they are quite rare. I don’t live my life in fear of being attacked.

MrsJBaptiste · 23/08/2023 16:26

I'm going out on Saturday night and will be walking home on my own. It honestly doesn't worry me, I would hate to be worried constantly about men and what they 'might' do. Chances are they won't so you have to go with that otherwise what a way to panic your way through life.

YouJustDoYou · 23/08/2023 16:33

My home county? Yeah. That's no problem. ENgland? Fuck no.

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