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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel worried for this womans saferty and wonder why she isnt?

174 replies

girlfriend44 · 23/08/2023 13:31

Looking out the window in the middle of the night was a woman walking down the road in shorts and alone.

I was wondering why she dosent feel scared, I would?

Yes she should be able too. Yes it dosent matter what she was wearing, but really would you want your daughter to do that? I wouldnt and wouldnt do it myself.

I wonder if some people dont listen to the news and why they arent scared that they will be attacked or abused walking along in the early hours. Do they think it wont happen to them?

We all know what some men are like, its on here often enough?
Remember that I do know women should be able too and it dosent matter if she was wearing a bag on her head, clothing has nothing to do with it really? but you just have to wonder why?

Was she brave or silly and would you have felt worried for her?

OP posts:
MotherofGorgons · 23/08/2023 14:26

I keep forgetting it's the school hols.

Changingplace · 23/08/2023 14:27

I wonder if some people dont listen to the news and why they arent scared that they will be attacked or abused walking along in the early hours. Do they think it wont happen to them?

Things that make the news do so typically because they are rare and unexpected, not an every day occurrence.

OldTinHat · 23/08/2023 14:28

That wouldn't concern me at all. However, I was concerned to see two boys aged about 10 walking past my gate at 1.30am the other morning.

Butchyrestingface · 23/08/2023 14:28

I've always "walked the streets" alone - it's unlikely I'd choose to go out for a stroll at 2am (sleeping) but I sometimes either arrive home from or have to leave for work in the wee sma' hours and yes, this can involve walking down the street on my own.

I don't ascribe to some black-and-white view that daylight = safe, night time = dangerous. Won't watch through a deep, dark forest on my own in the dead of night, but I probably wouldn't do that in broad daylight either.

I don't see what the woman wearing shorts has anything to do with the price of fish either. Assuming she was wearing sensible shoes, I'd say shorts sounds like a pretty sensible choice for a midnight stroll, if she has to make a quick getaway from a perceived threat.

OfficerChurlish · 23/08/2023 14:31

Haven't read all the replies, but agree it depends where you live and also agree that yes, there are certain risks like sexual assault that disproportionately impact women and girls. But I would and do walk alone at night in my neighborhood/city. I'm aware of the risks, take precautions, stay alert, but I really feel like I don't have much choice - how could I go about my life without walking alone at night? I suppose I could constantly drive/take a taxi/use Uber/Lyft (each of which has it's own risks) or engage a man (also risky) or a group of women to come along with me everywhere, but none of that is really practical.

Not sure about the relevance of wearing shorts - I just wear whatever's comfortable and suits where I'm going; if it's hot enough and I'm just going for a walk or running casual errands, it might be shorts.

Olinguito · 23/08/2023 14:33

I think the OP is getting a bit of hard time here. I wouldn't feel relaxed walking around on my own at 3.30am. It's probably something I would have done as a student, but I'm more cautious now.

Overdemanding · 23/08/2023 14:34

I drives me mad when people want to control women like this. Let us live our lives.

It's not about concern for our safety, it's all about women behaving how they "should" and other women are the worst!

F0RBIDDEN · 23/08/2023 14:37

Just trying edit

crosstheriver · 23/08/2023 14:37

Comfortably walking in shorts and flats or wobbling in towering high heels?

I walk by myself when it's dark; of course I do - otherwise, I wouldn't get anywhere. However, I make sure I'm wearing something I can run away from people in.

Some women can run in heels (more power to them!) but I can't, so I wear pumps or trainers.

F0RBIDDEN · 23/08/2023 14:37

Oh is it not available on the app?

F0RBIDDEN · 23/08/2023 14:37

Nothing is available on the app

pamplemoussemousse · 23/08/2023 14:39

Why do you want her to be scared? Why should every woman who dares to walk around after dark be terrified of getting attacked?

Ffs

DeNeushoornHeeftEenHoorn · 23/08/2023 14:40

There's an edit button???

YABU, by the way...

Edit: WAAAAAH it works!

BallaiLuimni · 23/08/2023 14:40

Men are more likely to be attacked on the street than women.

The difference is, men would never tolerate being told they have to be prisoners in their own homes to 'stay safe.' They are real people who are entitled to be on the street no matter how 'dangerous' it is.

Also if a man is attacked, no one asks him what he's wearing or implies his clothes caused it. That's because - wait for it - clothes don't cause violence! Who knew???

The only reason women's clothes are ever mentioned is as a way of letting men get away with things. Any woman who plays that game should be aware that she's helping and supporting some great people - ie sexual predators and rapists.

The place you're most likely to be attacked is in your house. The person most likely to attack you is a man you know very well.

Men are very very dangerous - they hurt other men and women, a lot.

That does not mean women have to hide away. It means men need to cop the fuck on and behave less like a bunch of stupid animals.

BodegaSushi · 23/08/2023 14:40

The part about shorts is absolutely ridiculous, women and girls have been raped while wearing any imaginable outfit.

It's time to get this shit out of our conversations.

ManateeFair · 23/08/2023 14:41

Olinguito · 23/08/2023 14:33

I think the OP is getting a bit of hard time here. I wouldn't feel relaxed walking around on my own at 3.30am. It's probably something I would have done as a student, but I'm more cautious now.

The issue is not whether the OP wants to walk around at night, it's that she's peering out of her window worrying about other women doing it, and implying that they shouldn't be doing it because you'd have to be 'brave' or 'silly' to even consider it.

If you don't want to walk around at 3.30am, don't walk around at 3.30am - that's up to you. But don't project your fears on to the rest of us.

MinnieMouse0 · 23/08/2023 14:42

I don’t tend to go outside on my own in the dark at nighttime, but others obviously aren’t as scaredy as me 😅

Overdemanding · 23/08/2023 14:43

crosstheriver · 23/08/2023 14:37

Comfortably walking in shorts and flats or wobbling in towering high heels?

I walk by myself when it's dark; of course I do - otherwise, I wouldn't get anywhere. However, I make sure I'm wearing something I can run away from people in.

Some women can run in heels (more power to them!) but I can't, so I wear pumps or trainers.

I do the same. Comfortable shoes, stand tall, walk briskly and confidently. Realistically though I don't think there are many men I could beat over a 10 yard sprint.

It makes me feel more confident but if the worst happened I think the keys in my hand will be more use.

boyoboys · 23/08/2023 14:43

I stumbled home from a bar at 2am the other night - about a 15 minute walk mainly well lit main roads but final stretch was quiet/dark. Literally didn't give it a 2nd thought no way was I getting a cab for a journey that I can walk in 15 mins plus wanted the fresh air to sober up! My friends also walked home and we text each other when we were back.
To some people that may be considered risky, but I live in a relatively low crime residential area and life is too short to be worrying about what might happen.

crosstheriver · 23/08/2023 14:46

Overdemanding · 23/08/2023 14:43

I do the same. Comfortable shoes, stand tall, walk briskly and confidently. Realistically though I don't think there are many men I could beat over a 10 yard sprint.

It makes me feel more confident but if the worst happened I think the keys in my hand will be more use.

Show quote history

I don't look like I can run, so I'd be hoping the shock factor of suddenly seeing me move would buy me enough time to get away and scream loudly before I was caught and silenced.

I also carry keys in my hand like that. I think a lot of women do instinctively.

Don't know a single man who feels he has to do that.

Growlybear83 · 23/08/2023 14:47

I agree with the OP. Of course every woman should be able to wear what they want, where they want, without attractive ring unwanted attention but life isn't like that. I have never travelled around alone at night since my teens, and am extremely conscious about my safety when I'm out. I live in a part of south London where there is a fairly high crime rate compared with many other areas, and I don't walk anywhere alone after dark, and always made sure that I picked my daughter up if she was alone, whatever the time. It's not a case of me being generally paranoid because Ive been to other countries where I have walked around alone late at night and have felt completely safe, but I know the area where I live and am aware of the high incidence of theft, assault, and worse and am not prepared to put myself at any unnecessary risk when I can drive or get a cab.

WeeOrcadian · 23/08/2023 14:49

Your OP writes like you're a man

Why the fuck shouldn't she walk ALONE and IN SHORTS?

I haven't even RTFT but this shit is practically misogynistic

Maybe you need to look at why YOU would be afraid

BallaiLuimni · 23/08/2023 14:49

Growlybear83 · 23/08/2023 14:47

I agree with the OP. Of course every woman should be able to wear what they want, where they want, without attractive ring unwanted attention but life isn't like that. I have never travelled around alone at night since my teens, and am extremely conscious about my safety when I'm out. I live in a part of south London where there is a fairly high crime rate compared with many other areas, and I don't walk anywhere alone after dark, and always made sure that I picked my daughter up if she was alone, whatever the time. It's not a case of me being generally paranoid because Ive been to other countries where I have walked around alone late at night and have felt completely safe, but I know the area where I live and am aware of the high incidence of theft, assault, and worse and am not prepared to put myself at any unnecessary risk when I can drive or get a cab.

If your view is that women 'should' be able to wear what they want, do you feel that in fact they can't? Do you genuinely believe a woman's clothes cause violence?

Pencilsaremylife · 23/08/2023 14:50

Statistics would say if she’s living with a man she’s more likely to get assaulted once she gets home, rather than walking along the street at any hour of the day no matter what she is wearing.

MeAgainPeeps · 23/08/2023 14:51

I don't think she is brave or silly. She is just going about her business.