Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel worried for this womans saferty and wonder why she isnt?

174 replies

girlfriend44 · 23/08/2023 13:31

Looking out the window in the middle of the night was a woman walking down the road in shorts and alone.

I was wondering why she dosent feel scared, I would?

Yes she should be able too. Yes it dosent matter what she was wearing, but really would you want your daughter to do that? I wouldnt and wouldnt do it myself.

I wonder if some people dont listen to the news and why they arent scared that they will be attacked or abused walking along in the early hours. Do they think it wont happen to them?

We all know what some men are like, its on here often enough?
Remember that I do know women should be able too and it dosent matter if she was wearing a bag on her head, clothing has nothing to do with it really? but you just have to wonder why?

Was she brave or silly and would you have felt worried for her?

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 23/08/2023 14:51

i used to walk round london at night from age 15-carried on till i cold drive at 32 sometimes you just have to and get used to it

NumberTheory · 23/08/2023 14:51

I walk at night all the time. I’m not being brave or silly when I do. I wouldn’t feel unsafe unless it was a sketchy area for some reason.

Is the reference to wearing shorts a sort of shorthand for her wearing the sort of outfit that indicates she wasn’t supposed/expecting to be out and because of that she might have been more vulnerable? Or are you really thinking that item of clothing will somehow make her more vulnerable to being attacked then, say, a skirt or jeans? Because I don’t think shorts are likely to do that.

This anxiety about women being attacked by strangers when out alone seems pretty common in the UK. But it’s misplaced. Men are attacked on the street more than women. I’m not claiming there’s never any risk, just that the risk isn’t unreasonable and curtailing your life because of it is a disproportionate response to the risk that exists. Try and work on that anxiety and get some of your life back.

Growlybear83 · 23/08/2023 14:52

No, not just their clothes. I think any woman who is a walking alone late at night is putting herself at risk in many areas, certainly where I live, and unfortunately the type of clothes worn can draw more attention to themselves. Of course that's not right, but I think it is something that does happen and I have no idea how the perception that some would-be attackers can be changed.

Fountainsoftea · 23/08/2023 14:52

I'm less anxious alone in the middle of the night, than other places earlier. I'm tall and can run.

Having said that, I'm currently on crutches and feel v vulnerable. The train station near me is not particularly salubrious but I'm going to have to use it until I can drive again. I'm more nervous about being caught by a scally or smackhead coming off the train, than I would be coming home at night, because I can't move quickly.

Summerrainagain1 · 23/08/2023 14:53

girlfriend44 · 23/08/2023 14:06

yes possibly, it was 3.30am.

Show quote history

She was probably most afraid of the strange woman staring at her out the window at 3:30am

Hufflepods · 23/08/2023 14:53

@Growlybear83 I have never travelled around alone at night since my teens...It's not a case of me being generally paranoid

Disagree, it actually sounds very paranoid.

am not prepared to put myself at any unnecessary risk when I can drive or get a cab.

You're probably taking a bigger risk getting into a cab.

freetheunicorn1 · 23/08/2023 14:53

OMG a woman walking alone in shorts.

Gasp someone tell the church elders!

TedMullins · 23/08/2023 14:54

You’re being ridiculous I’m afraid. I live in a slightly grim area of SE London and sometimes I have to take my dog out for a poo in the middle of the night (he won’t always go in the garden). I’ve also gone to the 24hr garage after midnight if I needed to. If it’s warm I might wear shorts! I have passed by other lone women on these occasions too so clearly I’m not the only “brave or stupid” one. I’m well aware of potential risks and wouldn’t walk through an unlit park at night, but I also think that anything could happen to anyone any day, and living in fear means you’d never leave your house.

wayyour · 23/08/2023 14:54

She was probably most afraid of the strange woman staring at her out the window at 3:30am

Good point.

Growlybear83 · 23/08/2023 14:54

Using a cab for me is a bit hypothetical as I can't remember the last time I didn't drive somewhere or share a friends car.

BallaiLuimni · 23/08/2023 14:55

Growlybear83 · 23/08/2023 14:52

No, not just their clothes. I think any woman who is a walking alone late at night is putting herself at risk in many areas, certainly where I live, and unfortunately the type of clothes worn can draw more attention to themselves. Of course that's not right, but I think it is something that does happen and I have no idea how the perception that some would-be attackers can be changed.

This clothes thing really really fucks me off.

CLOTHES DO NOT CAUSE VIOLENCE.

A rapist does NOT look at a woman and say 'oh she's wearing jeans, I'll leave her alone.'

Rapists LOVE when women repeat the fucking bullshit that a woman shouldn't wear certain things - it helps them hugely to be able to argue that a woman 'caused' her own assault by wearing something. Of course she bloody didn't!

Try to think clearly please and stop swallowing the misogynistic shit you've been fed!

Curseofthenation · 23/08/2023 14:56

I've always felt confident walking alone after dark and I've done so since I was a teenager. You can't spend your life living in fear.

BallaiLuimni · 23/08/2023 14:57

No one would ever ever ever argue that a man shouldn't wear shorts. Why? Because when you suggest that shorts cause violence in relation to a man, it sounds completely moronic - which is exactly what it is!

Duchessofspace · 23/08/2023 14:58

I live in a sleepy Somerset village. My daughter (16) will walk home from scouts at 10 pm it’s at the bottom of the road, she is on the life 360 app and phones when she leaves and talks to me all the way home.

I have seen teens and women sometimes late at night and offered them a lift etc

women should feel safe to walk the roads

PS a friend of mine was a British karate champion when I was at university she walked home whenever - one guy was unfortunate enough to attack him (back in the early 1990s) she broke both his arms and he was convicted ….. wasn’t a good night for him at all

Growlybear83 · 23/08/2023 14:58

TedMullins · 23/08/2023 14:54

You’re being ridiculous I’m afraid. I live in a slightly grim area of SE London and sometimes I have to take my dog out for a poo in the middle of the night (he won’t always go in the garden). I’ve also gone to the 24hr garage after midnight if I needed to. If it’s warm I might wear shorts! I have passed by other lone women on these occasions too so clearly I’m not the only “brave or stupid” one. I’m well aware of potential risks and wouldn’t walk through an unlit park at night, but I also think that anything could happen to anyone any day, and living in fear means you’d never leave your house.

Well that's your opinion. I don't think I'm being ridiculous at all. I've never felt that I can't leave my house and can't see the circumstances when I ever will because as I've said, I drive anywhere I need to go if I'm alone. I know my area well and recognise the high level of crime and minimise the risks to my personal safety. I'm quite happy to wander round the streets in Luxor, for example, late at night because I'm aware of the crime risks there too.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 23/08/2023 14:58

Mental

Gymmum82 · 23/08/2023 14:59

A friend of mine regularly takes her dogs for a walk around a local park that I would consider slightly dodgy in daylight hours at 2-3am. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that personally but she clearly does.

Walking down the street in an area I know well I would have no problem with at all. I’d happily walk from my house to the local town at 3am. The streets are lit and it’s a safe area. I wouldn’t think twice about someone walking down my street at that time even if they were wearing shorts

Percypigs4 · 23/08/2023 15:00

A rapist will rape whether the woman unfortunate enough to stumble across him is wearing a mini skirt or a pair of dowdy trousers.

F0RBIDDEN · 23/08/2023 15:00

How annoying. I've walked on my own all over the world in all levels of light in all manner of clothes

Lottaflowers · 23/08/2023 15:02

Women are murdered in broad daylight in busy areas. There are at least 2 high profile cases of that happening in the last couple of years. Also, Sarah Everard was taken in plain sight by a police officer on a busy street. Life is full of risks, bad people are out there. But we can't just shy away and never leave the house (which is indeed where the real danger lies anyway for many women), living sad insular lives. Obesity is one of the biggest killers of modern times, but you wouldn't panic if you saw a group of women tucking into a McDonalds!

Haretest · 23/08/2023 15:03

I'm suprised at these responses and don't think it's fair to call op mental Hmm

I would have thought most women avoided walking around in the middle of the night alone, had no idea there were so many of you who wouldn't think twice about it!

VeridicalVagabond · 23/08/2023 15:03

BallaiLuimni · 23/08/2023 14:55

This clothes thing really really fucks me off.

CLOTHES DO NOT CAUSE VIOLENCE.

A rapist does NOT look at a woman and say 'oh she's wearing jeans, I'll leave her alone.'

Rapists LOVE when women repeat the fucking bullshit that a woman shouldn't wear certain things - it helps them hugely to be able to argue that a woman 'caused' her own assault by wearing something. Of course she bloody didn't!

Try to think clearly please and stop swallowing the misogynistic shit you've been fed!

Show quote history

Thank you for saying this. I was dressed in a huge sweatshirt, jeans and wellies when I was assaulted. Sarah Everard was wearing leggings, a jumper, a jacket, a coat and a hat. She still got raped and murdered. Clothes don't cause violence. They don't care what we're wearing and it doesn't make one iota of difference.

I get so sick of people saying things like "oh well of course she SHOULD be able to wear shorts, but she might attract unwanted attention if she does!" The silent part of that sentence being "so she'd deserve it if that did happen". A rapist isn't looking at her clothes. He doesn't even see her as human. Short of wearing a full suit of armour, what we wear or don't wear is no protection against them, nor an invitation to them.

Original poster
girlfriend44 · 23/08/2023 15:07

wayyour · 23/08/2023 14:54

She was probably most afraid of the strange woman staring at her out the window at 3:30am

Good point.

Get a grip she didnt even see me.

I felt concerned for her thats all. Is that so wrong?

Women are at risk walking alone in the middle of the night/ early hours like it or not. Attacks happen. Yes they happen at others times, but you are increasing your risk in the early hours out alone.

None of this she was only walking home thing and outcrys and marches and vigils (sarah everard) will ever stop men raping and murdering women.

Get away with the shorts thing drama as well. I did say it didnt matter what she was wearing in my original post, as usual most dont read the post and think they are funny by referring to it.

OP posts:
Wheresthebeach · 23/08/2023 15:07

Bloody hell...shorts! We should all cover up completely not to entice men I guess. I swear posts are getting more and more goady and misogynistic here.

Original poster
girlfriend44 · 23/08/2023 15:09

Haretest · 23/08/2023 15:03

I'm suprised at these responses and don't think it's fair to call op mental Hmm

I would have thought most women avoided walking around in the middle of the night alone, had no idea there were so many of you who wouldn't think twice about it!

just shows the idiocy of some people dosent it, turning it round on me, dont worry I can take it.
concern does not mean mental lol.

OP posts: