To tell friend to stop making me look enormous

[caffelattetogo]

This is petty I realise, but it's getting me down.
Friend and I both had babies at a similar time and started losing weight together. She gave up and I carried on. I'm almost at my goal, having lost a few stone, and she is still where she started, maybe a bit heavier.
When we go on days out she'll suggest a selfie or ask a passer-by to get a photo of us and our kids, as a memento of the day. Every single time she will stand behind me, often quite a way behind, so I look bigger than her. My head is literally twice the size, and my body hides most of hers. I've tried jokingly getting her to stand level with me, but she always shuffles back as the photo is taken, apparently so we look 'the same size'.
AIBU to refuse to have any more photos with her, as I think this is a mean trick?

I doubt you look enormous!

I'd bet money that she's not doing it as a mean trick to get at you, she's doing it because she's uncomfortable, embarrassed and insecure about her own weight. I don't understand why you'd automatically frame it in a way that assumes bad faith and bad intent from your friend. Unless this is some sort of reverse?

It'll definitely not be to make you look big but to make her look smaller. I do the same with my DH he always goes to put his arm round me so I'm in front and I won't do it anymore, he's already lean and muscly and I'm fat, I'm not going to stand closer to the bloody camera.

You're almost at your goal weight and she's obviously really insecure. If you value her friendship more than a few slightly unflattering photos then let it go. I can't imagine any conversation you'd have about this where you wouldn't come across as a dick.

You are right, this does sound petty. Just decline a photo if you don't like it. She is clearly feeling shit about herself.

Yes, I think you're right. I just wish she wouldn't post them all over her social feeds for our mutual friends to see. I look huge in them.

And yet it's the friend who suggests the photo.
She does sound a bit odd

Yes, I realise I'll look like a dick if I raise it. She's not trying to make me look fat, instead trying to make herself look slimmer by comparison, but by pushing me into the foreground I look like a giant!

But isn’t it obvious that you’re just standing closer to the camera? I doubt anyone who sees the photos thinks that you’re actually a giant heffalump with a huge head and she is a dainty little flower.

Next time she does it, just laugh and say “god no, I always end up looking crap in photos with you but am happy to take one of you if you like?”

I do this only with people slimmer than me tho!

So how do you normally have photos taken, only from a signficant distance?

On a related note, I think it's almost always a bad idea to "lose weight together" with a friend. It might seem like a great plan when you and a friend are in a similar situation and plan to share tips and recipes, encourage each other, act as accountability buddies, and so on, but you run the risk of jeopardising a good friendship through competitiveness, jealousy, resentment, and other difficulties. Much better to make connections with new people for this purpose, and leave your friendships untouched by weight issues as far as possible.

(It gets trickier when it's your partner, because you're sharing shops and meals, deciding what to buy and have in the house and cook, and sometimes a joint endeavour can work well or might even be necessary, but the same difficulties about competitiveness and resentment can arise. But with a friend, the whole issue is entirely avoidable.)

Could you not just say that you don't wantr your photo on social media? Plenty of people don't...

She’s a twat. The best response is to keep your healthy way of eating and reach your goal.

And refuse to have any more photos with her.

Get a collaborator to spring a "surprise" pic on you both, with you peering over friend's shoulder!

Just say no to having your photo taken

YANBU but, she isn’t trying to make you look big, she’s trying to make herself look smaller. I do this when being photographed with my children by positioning them slightly in front of me. My bigger friend does the same to me, to make her look better. I understand that you want to look good too so it’s a difficult one!

Just refuse any more photos. She sounds insecure. Well done on your weight loss

Slightly on a tangent but a friend recently complained about this when she took a group selfie - she said she looked huge and the rest of us looked tiny. It made me wonder, do some people not see or understand perspective? She didn't look huge she just looked closer to the camera. I found her comment so odd but clearly you and your friend feel the same - it's one of those things where you realise others don't see the world the way you do!

You do not look enormous - the photos look weird. Your friend is insecure and thinks this trick works, it doesn't. Can you find it in your heart to laugh about it?

On a further tangent, to my mind this is related to the way people position their head weirdly in photos to 'look better.' They don't look better in my view, they just look bloody odd.

Yep, refuse. She might be feeling insecure, but she made the choice to give up the weight loss. Congratulations to you!!! It isn't easy.

This is odd. Why bother taking photos at all if she is so bothered about how she looks in them.

I use to hate having my pic taken, never wanted to post them because I look huge. Then it finally occurred to me, I'm not use to seeing myself, my friends see me all the time. Your mutual friends know what you both look like. They know you are not huge with a giant head compared to her.

Refuse to be in photos in future. I think people will realise it's the camera angle though, if you look disproportionately larger than her.