To tell friend to stop making me look enormous

[caffelattetogo]

This is petty I realise, but it's getting me down.
Friend and I both had babies at a similar time and started losing weight together. She gave up and I carried on. I'm almost at my goal, having lost a few stone, and she is still where she started, maybe a bit heavier.
When we go on days out she'll suggest a selfie or ask a passer-by to get a photo of us and our kids, as a memento of the day. Every single time she will stand behind me, often quite a way behind, so I look bigger than her. My head is literally twice the size, and my body hides most of hers. I've tried jokingly getting her to stand level with me, but she always shuffles back as the photo is taken, apparently so we look 'the same size'.
AIBU to refuse to have any more photos with her, as I think this is a mean trick?

I was about to say, buy a toy cow and every time she asks for a photo, point at the cow and say 'small', then point into the distance and say 'far away'.

Thanks for your brilliant answers. I've had a good laugh (mostly at myself, for being ridiculous) and got my head around it much better. Thank you. Much as I like the headlock idea, I'll probably just carry on, but not feel so hurt. I do want to be in photos (I realised a few years ago I was in next to none from when my first child was a baby and toddler, because I was always taking the photo or refused to be in the photos because I wasn't looking after myself very well). This time I'm trying to be in more, so when one day I pop my clogs, my kids will remember I was there at the fun days out - even if I look like a giant next to my friend!

Oh crap! Just grin and bear it. She obviously feels low about her weight

That’s weird behaviour. I don’t get the need to take photos all the time, just enjoy the moment . Tell her before you go out that you don’t want any photos.

Perhaps she has body dysmorphia? That's the thing where people really don't like the way they look. It can happen even to people who've not had it before - ie I can understand it as I used to be attractive when I was younger (and definitely appreciated it - as I'd been plain before that, eg as a teenager) but, now I've got older and gone from "size 14" clothes to "label size 14" clothes (ie about 2 sizes bigger) I am seriously not happy with my looks and no-one gets a photo of me in the first place these days if I can possibly help it (ie because I don't look like me basically...). So there may be an element of that and maybe she's feeling too depressed to make the effort to get her figure back to normal (and it really hasn't helped anyone much to feel cheerful from March 2020 onwards.....) and I expect many people are struggling with all the changes for the worse in Society over recent years and Lockdown put the tin lid on it.

Some ‘problems’ on MN are just daft - and this is one of them.

A friend using you to make herself look better is not a daft problem, it’s a bad friend.

bad friend. Now there’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one 🤣

I think it’s daft of her to do that and daft of you to care. YA(both)BU.

She's feeling insecure, you're feeling uncomfortable. You're friends, talk it out.

I was Facebook friends with a work colleague who uploaded dozens of photos of every night out, she photoshopped herself slimmer in every photo and left her mates exactly the same!

Edit double post

As a great big fat person I think you should channel the Father Ted scene others have mentioned, everytime she posts one of these pictures online, add the comment 'small, far away' under it or carry a small plastic toy cow around in your bag and everytime she insists on such a photo hold it out in your hand.
Honestly as a great big fat person I think she is a bit daft, no-one is going to think she is miracously thinner because she is in the distance, I know I just look like a far away great big fat person in photos like these.

Have you considered that maybe she doesn't want her own body on photos and will stand behind whatever adult is present?

Also, you could just say no to photos.

Just say you don’t feel like being in a picture today.

Have you RTFT? The bad friend is the one taking the photos and putting them on social media. Hence OP doesn’t want to be in pictures anymore.

@CherryMaDeara

Have YOU RTFT?! This is literally in OP's OG post.....

.......When we go on days out she'll suggest a selfie or ask a passer-by to get a photo of us and our kids, as a memento of the day. Every single time she will stand behind me, often quite a way behind, so I look bigger than her.

How TF is her mate standing 'quite a way' behind OP AND taking the picture with herself in it?!! 😂

I think firmly tell her you will take a selfie so that you both look good in the photo. You can still stand in front of her but raise the camera so you are both looking up slightly. Help her get used to other photos. Or just tell her no!

Haven't read the whole thread so sorry if I'm the 500th person to say this but it reminds me of Father Ted where Ted tries to explain to Dougal the difference between 'small' and 'far away'.

It's been mentioned.

It's a shame that you focus on how slim you look in a photo rather than hoe much fun you were having. There are worse things than being fat....

Her need to not look massive does not trump your need to not look massive!

She shouldn't be taking photos in a way that compliments her and makes you look worse!

She needs to come to terms with how she looks and if she isn't happy, do something honest about it, not take photos in a deceiving way.

Wtf? The point is it’s the FRIEND who wants the picture taken, whether that means she takes it herself or gets a stranger to do it is irrelevant.

Do you even realise how pathetically pedantic your post it?

WhenLifeGivesYouLimes · 23/08/2023 13:07
You're almost at your goal weight and she's obviously really insecure. If you value her friendship more than a few slightly unflattering photos then let it go. I can't imagine any conversation you'd have about this where you wouldn't come across as a dick.”

This.

How would she come across as a dick sorry? Her friend positioning herself so her friend looks worse than IRL is a dick move.