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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you date a pedant?

112 replies

ArcticPurple · 23/08/2023 12:18

DP's pedantry is really getting to me.

I spent a lot of time abroad and once accidentally used the American spelling for "gray". He knew what I meant. He knew I was picking the grey shirt. But yet I got a "?" and "did you mean the grey one?".

We know precisely ONE Cate. I was talking about going over to Cate's house for brunch as I do fairly frequently. Every time I get "Cate?" Hardly Cate Blanchett's house is it!

I have a friend whose name is pronounced an unconventional way. I say it the way she says it. Every time I bring up this friend he corrects the pronunciation to the "right" one. Sometimes he talks about how phonetically the way she pronounces it doesn't make any sense.

We have yet another delivery coming along next week. I said it's scheduled to arrive at around 1. He says I need to specify if it's 1pm if it's an afternoon delivery because "who knows". Confused

Every discussion basically devolves into an argument about semantics, it's boring.

YABU — This would not bother me.
YANBU — I couldn't date someone this pedantic.

OP posts:
randomusernam · 23/08/2023 13:29

Omg my name is spelt Cheryl but I say Sheryl. If someone corrected my name to say CHeryl every time I would get so cross!! No that's not my name, please say it the way I do.

Not surprised you are completely fed up of him. I wouldn't be able to cope with this all the time

Babdoc · 23/08/2023 13:35

I am autistic and a pedant. They often go together. Incorrect spelling, and illogical or ambiguous statements, are actually painful - in the same way that loud noise or clashing colours are, it’s torture to those with autistic hypersensitivity.
My DD (also autistic) often laughs that we are like a couple of Vulcans stranded on Earth!)
But I think your partner is beyond that, OP. He is being deliberately annoying, repeatedly, despite being asked not to.
It’s your call whether you want to continue putting up with him or call it a day.

54isanopendoor · 23/08/2023 13:39

FionnulaTheCooler · 23/08/2023 12:26

That would boil my piss. The arrogance of the man, correcting your friend on her own name. He sounds like a prick.

I remember my late Mother (Kent accent) getting off a train in Glasgow Queen St & correcting the ticket clerk on his pronunciation of Glasgow. She did it all day all around the city, to everyone. I was cringing for her but it was typical of her.

CarPour · 23/08/2023 13:42

Pedantry is tiresome. I cannot stand it. Use your fucking brain. You know that gray means Grey. It's hard work and makes every conversation difficult.

However hes worse than just a pedant, sounds like an absolute knob who just wants to be right. I could not be bothered

Original poster
ArcticPurple · 23/08/2023 13:43

Toonali8 · 23/08/2023 12:54

I’m a bit perplexed why you would act like this towards someone you supposedly want to be with… I think I would be asking him if he wants to be in a relationship at all.

I may also be wandering if he has any additional needs, I know this gets said on here thousands of times per day, but the examples you listed OP seem perfectly reasonable and his responses are just flat out cruel. He may be pedantic but does he not understand tolerance and kindness?

I think it ties in with his whole idea that he is “super logical”. He claims that he had no friends and was bullied growing up because he was “too smart” and (armchair psychologist moment for me — probably all wrong — or else I’d go crazy) I believe he leans in to this as his way of coping with the bullying and it’s become a habit now.

OP posts:
ImABox · 23/08/2023 13:47

Does he have any redeeming features which balance this out and make the relationship worth while?

Your friend could be called “Cate” but she can pronounce it “Bob” if she chooses, it’s her name!

KohlaParasaurus · 23/08/2023 13:50

I may have listed my XH's insistence on pointing and guffawing at every misplaced apostrophe as examples of his unreasonable behaviour when I petitioned for divorce. Being able to use language accurately is a skill. Refraining from nipping and picking at other people's minor inaccuracies is just basic good manners.

ErrolTheDragon · 23/08/2023 13:52

We have yet another delivery coming along next week. I said it's scheduled to arrive at around 1. He says I need to specify if it's 1pm if it's an afternoon delivery because "who knows".

Who knows? Anyone with an ounce of common sense and logical abilities, that's who.

Same with gray/grey or your friend Cate. If he had any logical abilities (let alone being "super logical"), he'd be able to work those out without comment.

Wheresthebloomingsummersunshine · 23/08/2023 13:52

Is he called Sheldon?

Alphabetica · 23/08/2023 13:57

Please can you tell us the name that is supposedly wrong 😂 I'm sure there is some linguistic justification for the pronunciation, just as there would be for the previous example of Wy-Vonny.

RitzyMcFitzy · 23/08/2023 14:00

Maybe he had no friends because he's a pain in the hole.

theresastormcoming · 23/08/2023 14:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

RitzyMcFitzy · 23/08/2023 14:04

Imagine saying to him ‘I just want to rip your clothes off’ and him countering with ‘ah, but I suspect you don't actually want to rip my clothes but rather you're just exaggerating for dramatic purposes?’

Sylvaniandream · 23/08/2023 14:07

Haven't read it all, so sorry of someone already said it..... Could he be neuro diverse?

TwilightSkies · 23/08/2023 14:10

He claims that he had no friends and was bullied growing up because he was “too smart” and (armchair psychologist moment for me — probably all wrong — or else I’d go crazy) I believe he leans in to this as his way of coping with the bullying and it’s become a habit now.

Hmm was he too smart to have friends? Or too pompous? Nit-picking how people speak and trying to belittle them?

Original poster
ArcticPurple · 23/08/2023 14:31

It's frustrating because aside from this he's great! We generally have a great time together when he's not asking stupid questions or making ridiculous comments, he does his share (and more) of the housework unprompted, we have similar financial goals and spending habits. I started off not minding this much, but years later he seems to have got worse and my tolerance seems to have gone way down!

OP posts:
RitzyMcFitzy · 23/08/2023 14:33

ArcticPurple · 23/08/2023 14:31

It's frustrating because aside from this he's great! We generally have a great time together when he's not asking stupid questions or making ridiculous comments, he does his share (and more) of the housework unprompted, we have similar financial goals and spending habits. I started off not minding this much, but years later he seems to have got worse and my tolerance seems to have gone way down!

Have you sat him down and said 'you're great but this issue is really bothering me to the point where I'm seeking advice on the internet?'

Original poster
ArcticPurple · 23/08/2023 14:37

RitzyMcFitzy · 23/08/2023 14:33

Have you sat him down and said 'you're great but this issue is really bothering me to the point where I'm seeking advice on the internet?'

Show quote history

There's no point — we've have had plenty of arguments about this over the years. He "cannot stand" when things are wrong or imprecise and can't, or refuses to (I'm not sure which), understand that I don't want to be corrected and as long as we both understand what's going on, I consider that a job well done.

OP posts:
Mmhmmn · 23/08/2023 14:47

YADNBU. What a PITA

Mmhmmn · 23/08/2023 14:48

FionnulaTheCooler · 23/08/2023 12:26

That would boil my piss. The arrogance of the man, correcting your friend on her own name. He sounds like a prick.

This. I suspect you already know you'll feel 80% lighter without him. What an annoying person.

sodthesodoff · 23/08/2023 14:53

So his need to be right is more important than upsetting you.

That's what it boils down to.

He knowingly pisses you off. I couldn't be with someone who did that.

We all have annoying habits. But making a conscious effort to stop/keep it under control around a partner when you know it fucks them off is an important part of a partnership

Doesn't seem a lot of compromise on his side. Just expects you to deal with it. Which is never a good sign

Worrying he said he was smart for friends when he was younger. Sounds like he thinks he's smarter than you. What else does he correct you on?

sodthesodoff · 23/08/2023 14:54

Oh and also. His need to be right - and he's not even bloody right! How dare he try to correct your friends name. What the hell is that?!

I don't think your problem is that he's a pedant...

RitzyMcFitzy · 23/08/2023 14:58

ArcticPurple · 23/08/2023 14:37

There's no point — we've have had plenty of arguments about this over the years. He "cannot stand" when things are wrong or imprecise and can't, or refuses to (I'm not sure which), understand that I don't want to be corrected and as long as we both understand what's going on, I consider that a job well done.

Show quote history

I know for me the resentment would just continue to build if I had someone childishly 'correcting' me all the time. I'd end up blowing my top.

RitzyMcFitzy · 23/08/2023 14:59

We all have annoying habits. But making a conscious effort to stop/keep it under control around a partner when you know it fucks them off is an important part of a partnership

Exactly.

YoureALizardHarry11 · 23/08/2023 15:06

No, he just thinks he’s superior. This would piss me off no end. It’s one thing being a pedant and another trying to act as if you’re stupid. I’d go mad the smart arse twat.