Would you date a pedant?

[ArcticPurple]

DP's pedantry is really getting to me.

I spent a lot of time abroad and once accidentally used the American spelling for "gray". He knew what I meant. He knew I was picking the grey shirt. But yet I got a "?" and "did you mean the grey one?".

We know precisely ONE Cate. I was talking about going over to Cate's house for brunch as I do fairly frequently. Every time I get "Cate?" Hardly Cate Blanchett's house is it!

I have a friend whose name is pronounced an unconventional way. I say it the way she says it. Every time I bring up this friend he corrects the pronunciation to the "right" one. Sometimes he talks about how phonetically the way she pronounces it doesn't make any sense.

We have yet another delivery coming along next week. I said it's scheduled to arrive at around 1. He says I need to specify if it's 1pm if it's an afternoon delivery because "who knows".

Every discussion basically devolves into an argument about semantics, it's boring.

YABU — This would not bother me.
YANBU — I couldn't date someone this pedantic.

To be fair he doesn’t say it to her face just to me but I am still sick of it!

He's not a nice person. He's not trying to better you, he's trying to put you down.

Does he exhibit black-and-white thinking on other aspects of his life?

Does he just do this with you or with everyone?

Is he capable of picking up on nuances in any type of conversation?

I'm trying to work out if he genuinely can't help himself or if he's a twat who isn't even willing to try.

That made me laugh!

OP - Life is too short, this would drive most people insane.

“I have already told you that your pedantry is annoying but you keep doing it. Is it that you genuinely can’t help yourself or do you just have no intention of changing your behaviour? Either way, you should know that I find it deeply unattractive and do not want to spend the rest of my life having to clarify whether a delivery will arrive at 1pm or 1am.”

Yanbu. People who correct other people's spelling or other small mistakes are very tedious.

YANBU, I was married to a know it all and it did my head in. I'd dump him.

I’m a bit perplexed why you would act like this towards someone you supposedly want to be with… I think I would be asking him if he wants to be in a relationship at all.

I may also be wandering if he has any additional needs, I know this gets said on here thousands of times per day, but the examples you listed OP seem perfectly reasonable and his responses are just flat out cruel. He may be pedantic but does he not understand tolerance and kindness?

Thank you 🙏😉. I have to admit that I have slipped into over correcting the way he pronounces some words slightly differently to others (intonation on the wrong syllable for eg) or correcting him when he asks where the blue bag is and the bag he is talking about is green...and I should really just let that small stuff go, but years of vague/wrong words for things while I'm a pedant are wearing thin.

His spelling is impeccable though, and when I first met him 15 years ago I remember it was very unusual quality to text with someone who didn't use any text shorthand, correct grammar and never made a spelling mistake. Maybe my bar was just really low.... I never suspected this man who was so good with written language would become a monster who asked if the fire was on when he means central heating/radiator, or 'I'll be leaving handy in the morning'. (He means early, even saying early would be annoyingly vague. But handy is wrong usage and vague).

YANBU - do you want to spend the rest of your life like this? He won't change. Move on!

Yep sounds like additional needs, I work with them and they are pedants if nothing else 😆 and I love them for it! Couldn't be with a pedant though.

OP I would get out

I am a pedant insofar as I will always notice and quietly correct things like that in my head, but a good 8 times out of 10 I'd never actually comment on it, unless it's critical. An example I can think of is at a family event I introduced a relative to an old friend with an unconventional name recently, and in conversation before this friend turned up my relative mispronounced the name a few times, so I very politely said "Make sure you say _ when he gets here".

My DH is a bit like this and has got worse as he's got older!
I find not rising and either giving an absolutely straight answer or a complete lie entertains me.
It's been pointed out to him that this is not an endearing trait but yet it persists..

It's probably going to be me..

I can be like this. It took a rather significant event for me to curb it.

There is nothing “right” about annoying or upsetting other people.

But not sure how you make him see that.

Tell him to "bore off" (in Dawn Ward's voice) and leave the conversation next time. You can't argue with deliberately twattish people.

He sounds like a lot of hard work. As to correcting your friends pronunciation of her own name, even just to you, that is just rude.

He sounds like a total joy sponge to be honest.

And no, I wouldn't date him because I haven't got time for this type of nonsense and would find it deeply annoying and unattractive.

As above.
He's not a pedant. He's a bore. And a controlling twat.
I'd do like Iron Maiden and run for the hills.

YANBU

There are enough boring pedants on Mumsnet without having one in real life too.

He sounds as though he thinks he's far more important than he is.

Does he actually manage to hold down friendships etc?

id be looking at another patio soon @ArcticPurple and I’m sure a few of us here know a handy pig farmer or two..

Imagine this for the rest of your life and into retirement. shudder

He's not a pedant. He's a bore.

Pedants are really boring though.

They grind you down and wear you out.

This isn't pedantry (apart from the grey/gray thing), it's dickishness. It's not better to use people's surnames unnecessarily or to specify am/pm when it's already obvious. Pronouncing someone's name as they want it pronounced is both correct and polite.

He sounds insufferable.

I'd do like Iron Maiden and run for the hills.