I'm a long-time reader on MN, but first time poster.
Brought myself to post here as I tried sleeping over it last night to see if I felt any better this morning, but it didn't work, I almost got no sleep, and I'm still feeling very wounded.
Basically, long story short, my husband and I had been looking forward for months now, to my little brother (29) and his girlfriend to come visit us. They would stop at our place from this coming Thursday, for the bank holiday weekend, and fly home on Tuesday.
All my family lives abroad, in my home country in Europe, and brother had planned and booked this trip since January. According to them, they had been looking forward to.
While over the course of the months I asked them, what are they interested in seeing, we can take you around etc etc, very little to no input at all was given, so I did lots of planning, found some nice sightseeing, booked transportation (brother offered to pay for car rental), planned for all the food, and last week I prepped the guest bedroom for them, washed all the sheets, started doing some big cleaning in the house, and got around £200 food shop in. I even went as far as planning evening by evening ‘theme’ nights in terms of food (very fundamental to hosting in my country haha). We don’t have guests often, and we really wanted them to have a great time.
Last Friday brother calls me up that he’s a bit pissed off that the airline moved their flight to London from early morning to later in the afternoon. I understand and can empathise with the fact he felt a bit ‘ripped off’, although it can happen with airlines these days. However, he still had 4 full days and 1/2 left that he could spend with us and explore around the South East.
He tried calling up the airline, but they wouldn’t offer compensation, as they still chose to fly out, just later on the same day.
On Saturday and Sunday we had two videocalls discussing the sightseeing etc, they still seemed very happy to come see us, although they now complained about the weather. I am from a country that is very warm in the Summer, I said, you guys know the weather in the UK is not as hot nor reliably warm in the Summer, but at least it’s not scalding, you won’t sweat, and we even got the rental car, if it rains at all we can always drive around more, go to castles/museums etc – I’m surprised the weather seemed that important now, considering they were mainly coming round to make memories with us, see our home (they hadn’t been before), and just spending time together – this is what they previously said.
Yesterday in the morning I spoke with my brother on how to get to and from the airport, what to do on the first couple of days etc. Around lunchtime he sends me a voice message saying that with the girlfriend they were considering getting a refund on the flight, and reschedule altogether for next year, but sister can you also cancel the car rental for us in the meantime? He was just on the phone line with the airline to see whether a full refund would be given if they didn’t fly. The airline confirmed they would, so brother followed up in the mid afternoon saying they cancelled. He said they were sorry not to come this time, but he’s already looking at next Spring/Summer, he asked, would that be a good time for us to host them?
I was speechless, and deeply hurt. I spoke with husband, he couldn’t believe it. All the effort invested, emotional, mental energies put in, and also we have a fully stocked fridge and freezer with lots of premium products we wouldn’t have otherwise got. It felt like a slap in the face, but the worst thing for me was that they didn’t apologise, not one word of apology.
All I could muster to say on the call with him was, wow that’s a bit last minute, we had been looking forward for so long, had got even your bedsheets all washed and ironed, all the food shop etc. I was literally joking the day before with him saying we got more drinks in for them than a bar. I said I was feeling very sorry they “had to change their plans”. Not much said from him, other than “ah, but we can visit you next year, it will be alright”.
My mom, who I had spoken with yesterday after this as well, was embarrassed and very disappointed by my brother’s and girlfriend’s behaviour, she called it ‘very selfish’. I agree with her, but wished I had said it in his face. Luckily my mom didn’t spare words when she spoke with him yesterday. At least he got a good telling-off from her.
Later in the evening, I called my mom up, and it comes out that my brother told her that the main reason why they cancelled was – that they could keep an extra couple of days for ‘themselves’ to roll over into 2024, so they could take a longer holiday overseas just the two of them. So, the flight being delayed was a ‘blessing’ for them. Which makes me question if they ever even cared to visit us in the first place.
Also, money was not an issue really – they had been on a few trips this year, this holiday would have cost them £500 in total for the two of them, so them getting all flustered about
I’m just feeling so deflated right now. Wounded and disappointed. Husband and I are flying home next month, and I feel sick at the prospect of seeing them two. I don’t even look forward to hosting them next year. I’m just feeling very low, rejected almost, like we weren't deserving of their time off.
AIBU for feeling this way?
I’m also disappointed with myself that I didn’t tell him to f* off tbh. Any suggestions, should I forgive and forget, or give them the benefit of the doubt and welcome them next year?