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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has anyone ever not really wanted to go on holiday with their Dp/Dh?

119 replies

Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 14:27

Surely, this must mean it’s over? I mean what’s the point 🤷🏻‍♀️
Dh has been off since Friday for two weeks and already I feel down, all my enthusiasm for summer and the holidays has gone.
We’d planned to take Dd, 5, camping for a few days next week, but I have zero enthusiasm now. I feel
guilty and sad for my Dd as it should be a lovely family time.
I’m tempted to just work next week and use that money to have a girls trip the week after when Dh is back at work.
So used to our routine in the house when he’s at work and I generally have moments of happiness

Anyone ever had the same thing?

OP posts:
Summerrainagain1 · 21/08/2023 14:29

Why do you not want to go on holiday with him?

OnlyFannys · 21/08/2023 14:29

What is making you not want to go with him exactly? Is he horrible to you/Dc? Disinterested? Or do.you just feel like you have drifted apart and no longer have anything in common?

Oysterbabe · 21/08/2023 14:32

What is the issue?

Tinkerbyebye · 21/08/2023 14:32

Get a grip. I can’t believe you would put a girls trip away ahead of your daughter

Go camping, then if it’s still not right have an honest conversation with your dh, and leave

the poor bloke, and your poor daughter

Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 14:42

@Tinkerbyebye What?

A trip for Dd and I, just us together.

OP posts:
Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 14:43

@OnlyFannys My mood has changed almost straightaway since he’s been off. Just little comments/digs here and there, moaning, lack of enthusiasm etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 14:44

Sorry, to make it clear, I don’t think it was in my original post. I would maybe work next week and then take my Dd on a short trip away, that’s what I meant by girls grip, not with friends, with my Dd

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 21/08/2023 14:44

Yep, I want a holiday from my retired (so home all the time) DH.

Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 14:45

@DustyLee123 I here this a lot, feel for you x

OP posts:
IHateFlies · 21/08/2023 14:46

I'd tell him. Ask him if he realises what a miserable moany fucker he is and how unattractive that is.

Absolutelynotfor2019 · 21/08/2023 14:48

Yes absolutely!Am off next week to Majorca minus husband. Absolutely nothing wrong with that .

Absolutelynotfor2019 · 21/08/2023 14:49

Husband is retired so feel it's perfect reasonable.

3rdtimemumma · 21/08/2023 14:49

Ahhh this is so sad to read. I hope things get better for you. As others have said, you need to work out why you feel like this - it's so hard to give advice when theres so little detail. I'd go away with dh and dd as planned and use the time to re-connect with dh and work out how to make things better and talk things through. It might be that he's feeling pushed out if you and dd are so close and you might need to step back.

5128gap · 21/08/2023 14:50

If that's how you feel in the house when you've distraction and opportunity to get some space, I doubt very much if it will be better on a camping trip.
For camping to be fun rather than miserable hard work, takes humour, positivity from all, and a genuine desire to be in one another's company. The potential for stress from lack of comfort and poor weather is huge. I personally think you'll be miserable and it will likely rub off on DD.
Cancel. Tell him why and use it as a springboard for a discussion about the changes that need to be made in your relationship.

Mmhmmn · 21/08/2023 14:50

Agree with IHateFlies. Often we don't realise that we can and should actually do do the easiest and most obvious response to something. Like if resident grumpy man is being a miserable git, and making you unhappy, tell him (and that it's not good to be around) so he can sort himself out.

3luckystars · 21/08/2023 14:50

Maybe you both need a holiday, you should go.

Either it will work or it won’t and at least you will know then.

Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 14:51

First example was at the beach on Sunday, all nice, it was beautiful, happy people everywhere. We all walked down to the sea, went for a walk down the beach, collected shells etc. Dd wanted to play with Dh in the sea (doesn’t see him as much due to him working a bit more than me) He played there for a while, all fine, came back up, Dd was only yards away, playing with a couple of other kids, he asked me if I could watch Dd. I said that I’m always watching Dd and that she was happily playing with new friends, he waited a bit, then stood up in a huff and said ‘It’s ok, I’ll go and watch her!’ We were right by her and she was making sandcastles with friends. My whole mood just took a turn. I’m usually pretty strong, but felt myself crying under my sunglasses and kept having to turn away from Dd in the cafe afterwards, whilst we sat in silence. I just don’t think I can do it.

OP posts:
truthhurts23 · 21/08/2023 14:54

Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 14:51

First example was at the beach on Sunday, all nice, it was beautiful, happy people everywhere. We all walked down to the sea, went for a walk down the beach, collected shells etc. Dd wanted to play with Dh in the sea (doesn’t see him as much due to him working a bit more than me) He played there for a while, all fine, came back up, Dd was only yards away, playing with a couple of other kids, he asked me if I could watch Dd. I said that I’m always watching Dd and that she was happily playing with new friends, he waited a bit, then stood up in a huff and said ‘It’s ok, I’ll go and watch her!’ We were right by her and she was making sandcastles with friends. My whole mood just took a turn. I’m usually pretty strong, but felt myself crying under my sunglasses and kept having to turn away from Dd in the cafe afterwards, whilst we sat in silence. I just don’t think I can do it.

he sounds like a miserable git, I think you should do what you said and do a girls trip just you and dd x

Mmhmmn · 21/08/2023 14:54

Been there and it's absolutely awful. Don't suffer in silence - you weren't put on earth to soak up others' bad moods and behaviour.

IHateFlies · 21/08/2023 14:54

This example doesn't seem so bad op. It sounds like you have a more relaxed attitude about Dd, he's more uptight and you just got a bit arsey with each other.

Any other examples?

Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 14:58

Then this morning. During summer Dd and I have been taking the dog early for a walk in the forests nearby, Dh now coming and it just changes my mood from one of such happiness (love my walks with the dog)
He’s always shouting to the dog, who is amazing and doesn’t go far and always comes back, there’s really no need. Today he was going on about giving up smoking (for the millionth time) I was like 🤷🏻‍♀️great (I’ve heard it so often) and he’s all huffy, just wanted a nice summer morning walk.
There’s just other little things that I know are digs and just totally draining, like at the beach, he was saying how hot it was (as though it was a stupid idea to go) it was 10 on the morning and I only ever stay with Dd until 12, but it’s summer…just so miserable. Then today saying Dd had a headache and it because she was in tbe sun too much yesterday, she was fine!

OP posts:
IHateFlies · 21/08/2023 15:01

Yeah. He sounds like a miserable fucker.
He sounds controlling too. Is he?

Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 15:03

It’s just a general, negative, uptight attitude to things, then he says it’s because of work, he works 9-5- Mon-Fri, likes his job, yes it’s tiring, but it’s what people do! Is this going to be it for the rest of our lives then.
It’s like today, aside from the dog walk, we’ve been in all day, which is fine, but I would sometimes pack a little picnic and take Dd to the beach a bit later for dinner there. I know he will complain about this ( I’d rather he didn’t come as it’s easier/nicer!) so sad to feel this way and do wish it wasn’t this way, especially for Dds sake

OP posts:
Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 15:03

*So wish

OP posts:
Ohforfox · 21/08/2023 15:05

I hate holidaying with DP. I regularly take DD alone & it's so much more relaxed. DP ruins it to be honest with his strops & moodiness. Similar to at home, I can relate to your post 100%. Even DD notices it now & comments she would prefer to do things without her dad. He can be a great guy & loves us but he is extremely difficult to be around as his mood affects everyone else's day. He is so intolerant of other people/things & can't laugh anything off. Always uptight. I wish I had left when DD was younger to be honest. I am always envious when people want to spend time with her partners or do nice things together, it must be lovely!