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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has anyone ever not really wanted to go on holiday with their Dp/Dh?

119 replies

Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 14:27

Surely, this must mean it’s over? I mean what’s the point 🤷🏻‍♀️
Dh has been off since Friday for two weeks and already I feel down, all my enthusiasm for summer and the holidays has gone.
We’d planned to take Dd, 5, camping for a few days next week, but I have zero enthusiasm now. I feel
guilty and sad for my Dd as it should be a lovely family time.
I’m tempted to just work next week and use that money to have a girls trip the week after when Dh is back at work.
So used to our routine in the house when he’s at work and I generally have moments of happiness

Anyone ever had the same thing?

OP posts:
5128gap · 21/08/2023 15:06

He is coming into your organised well run and happy world and expecting you to do things his (better, in his opinion) way.
Not usually around much but when he is, suddenly he's the boss of everyone with an improved agenda, better way of walking the dog, different approach to DD.
A lot of men do this and it's highly infuriating. There needs to be plenty of positives to balance it out and it sounds like there isn't.

Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 15:06

@IHateFlies How does he sound controlling?
I’m not sure but in some ways I think so but maybe can’t see it properly?
This morning, I picked up the dog poo from the garden and went to put the bag on the side outside (we then take it with the rubbish) He said ‘Just put it there, I’ll take it in a minute’ pointing at the other side, when I was already putting it down, so I just carried on putting it where I was going to and his face was annoyed, that’s a weird control isn’t it? It’s just draining

OP posts:
Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 15:08

@5128gap I just wish he’d chill the hell
out and relax and enjoy the so called holidays and get off my case

OP posts:
billy1966 · 21/08/2023 15:09

Yes OP, sounds well and truly over.

Go to work and have a little holiday with your daughter or better still, get the ball rolling to leave.

Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 15:11

@Ohforfox So sorry it’s the same for you, really wish it was different.

OP posts:
Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 15:12

@billy1966 I just feel so sad for her, I mean I keep thinking if I can just grin and bear some parts of it, we might have happy parts too…we sometimes do. If we can’t even go on a family holiday, what’s the point really

OP posts:
IHateFlies · 21/08/2023 15:14

He sounds to me (I may be wrong) like a micro-managing controlling type of person who gets arsey because things should be fine how he wants them.

Besides, he sounds miserable and not someone anyone would want to be around.

I'd point it out to him and let him know that you've changed your mind about the holiday because of his miserable attitude.

IHateFlies · 21/08/2023 15:15

Stupid autocorrect - Fine should be 'done'

Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 15:16

He was at a friends before so I messaged and said I might work next week as it’s extra money. He said he thought we were going camping and moneys not that important. I said I didn’t think I could go and just wanted to feel happy, he said was just a suggestion and if I don’t feel 100% it was fine and we won’t go.
He doesn’t get it, think he thinks I mean I don’t feel well (have been on and off sick for a couple of weeks, but ok now)
This is the thing, he really can’t see it could be him 🤷🏻‍♀️
Dd is sat here now so can’t really talk about it, plus it would just likely end in an argument anyway

OP posts:
Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 15:27

I don’t know if it’s controlling so much as just doing little digs, like on the beach, the implication was that he’d been playing with her and now it was *My time and what I should be doing? Even though I’m with her almost constantly and it would be nice for her to spend a bit of time with him and also, she was doing well playing with friends and I didn’t have to be there right next to her

OP posts:
Mmhmmn · 21/08/2023 15:28

Same as ohforfox. Totally get the general misery put out by moody menfolk. DP is offended at the drop of a hat by interactions with people that are entirely reasonable and inoffensive. Although he'll rarely want to go anywhere or do anything that's my suggestion and if he does grudgingly agree, will then clearly show he doesn't want to on the way ... 'website says tickets cost xx' .. 'is it an indoors thing cos it's a nice day' etc. The ability to bring the mood down to the floor is staggering

Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 15:31

@Mmhmmn How do you deal with it though? Most of the time I’m ok, quite strong, just felt weepy and really sad about it at the beach and noticed the massive dip in my mood and that it was caused by him, nothing else.
Is he aware of it, do you say it to him?

OP posts:
CallieQ · 21/08/2023 15:33

Yes... he's now ex DH

Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 15:34

Looking at all the happy pics on Sm (realise this doesn’t always tell the truth) but some of them must be having a happy time.
We rarely get any photos (all of us together) as there’s generally some mood or something. It’s just completely shit and sad
I really want to get out and to the beach later, but can’t face it with him if he’s the same

OP posts:
Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 15:35

@CallieQ Was he the same?

OP posts:
3luckystars · 21/08/2023 15:39

Can you just go on the holiday? It will reveal a lot.

Lostinplaces · 21/08/2023 15:40

You need to have an honest conversation with him about how you feel. Lay it out plain and simple. His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

ManchesterGirl2 · 21/08/2023 15:41

I have to say I don't get it. None of the actions that you describe sound particularly bad, it seems like you are nitpicking every single thing he says or does.

Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 15:41

@3luckystars Reveal a lot how? Don’t know if I can cope with being miserable all the time, all my enthusiasm has gone, for me to not want to go away somewhere is huge. Maybe he could take Dd for one night camping on his own? Do you think that will bother/upset her?

OP posts:
Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 15:42

@ManchesterGirl2 You think the beach thing is me nitpicking at him?

OP posts:
Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 15:42

@ManchesterGirl2 Perhaps it’s me and I’m too sensitive, I just know I don’t feel like that around friends or my Dd

OP posts:
sosickofthisshit · 21/08/2023 15:44

If he makes you miserable, why are you still with him?

Original poster
Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 15:46

@sosickofthisshit I don’t know..that’s what I’m questioning
Us both working and being at clubs/with friends at the weekend etc makes it a bit easier as I’m with Dd most of the time on my own and things are good. I suppose holidays & Christmas etc highlights it

OP posts:
ManchesterGirl2 · 21/08/2023 15:47

Noenthusiasmnow · 21/08/2023 15:42

@ManchesterGirl2 You think the beach thing is me nitpicking at him?

The beach story just doesn't make sense to me. When you said "I'm always watching DD" did you mean "yes I am watching her right now from here" or "no I won't watch her, it's your turn because I always do it"? Which one did he interpret it as?

Where did he go to when he stood up if you were already right by her?

Acuppaisbetterthanprosecco · 21/08/2023 15:50

I'm sorry you feel like this and believe me, I've been there. He doesn't sound too bad, but just a mood dampener! Might it be worth going away and seeing how it goes? Perhaps then talk to him while you're away about how you feel. Do you think you are feeling low at all or are you OK when you're not with him? Do you have any friends to vent with who know him? I think he would be genuinely shocked if he knew you felt like this. It sounds like he's taking you for granted, is perhaps mildly depressed/in a rut.