Climate change and not having kids

[Appleofmyeye2023]

Not really AIBU, more chat and getting insight

DS up visiting this weekend. Aged 29 , living with partner in London and can’t afford to buy yet. So, really not ready to think about marriage or babies etc

but, we got chatting and it came up that his partner was opposed to having kids , and he was a bit, because it would be cruel and horrendous for them, that by the time those kids got to their 50s and 60s the world would be so effected by climate change that it would be at war for precious resources, thousands of people dying, and mass migration to find a way to survive .

im of the view, that yep, while things will get a lot tougher, humans have a capacity to make changes and adapt - technology will develop to meet those challenges, but all the time there isn’t a literal burning platform in developed countries, there won’t be the pressure and will politically to throw resources to really solve the issue- we’re playing around with the low hanging fruit currently, but things have to get a lot worse before there is a collective and money to really tackle climate change. So, I’m a bit more optimistic on this one. It seems so sad for that generation to be so “we’re doomed” to stop having children?

I am wondering, how common is this amongst the late 20s and early 30s generation? Or is this a bit extreme?

Should say they are both pretty intelligent and DS’s partner works in field of sustainability in developing countries, has lived all over the world, she’s not British by birth, and is not a conspiracy theorist !

The OP is clearly pointing out the hypocrisy of someone who claims to care about the welfare of children due to climate change but then proceeds to take flights, drive a car and so on.

Nobody is obligated to want kids. Even if you pointed this out, what, are the DC suddenly going to go “wow you’re right, we actually should have them after all!”

Many use climate change as a way of getting people off their backs. Not that it works, but it’s generally more effective than “I just don’t want them”.

(It’s also debatable that it’s even hypocrisy in this case - the climate impact of a child absolutely dwarfs flying and driving.)

Because if you’ve decided not to have children, why do you care how the planet ends up?

I don’t need a scientist to tell me the world is burning. I have eyes.

God I sound like an old fogey but I find the whole 'the planet is fucked so why do I give a shit' attitude incredibly immature and self centred.

You haven’t read my messages have you? I have no intention of discussing their choices to have kids. My ds madecthe comment. I did not respond
but ds like a good debate-and so if climate change comes up (not wrt kids, just climate change) in terms of cruising my stance or choices, this is a decent counter to have in my armery …in a 🤣🤣🤣way.
jeez, I’ve said this 3 times now…please do keep up .

And I'm aware this is totally judgemental but there's an element of real concern too - I wonder how many of the 'I don't want children due to climate change' brigade will get to 50 and realise they've made a huge mistake. The men will still have a chance to have their own biological children of course but the women?

I've known quite a few couples who made the mutual decision not to have children (not due to climate change) where as soon as the woman turned 45 the man fucked off with a younger woman and had a baby within a year.

I’ll let you know in 15 years.

Not feeling any regret yet.

Same. I also think that they're too busy being being ' do gooders' than actually doing good. Virtue signalling gives them oxygen.

I think not having children in your younger years is fine - great, actually, because you hang out with friends and travel and such. But as people get older they tend to shrink into their own circles and rely on family more. For people without their own next generation to hang out with, it'll be really important to maintain community and ensure they're supporting each other.

My adult DC won't be having children. I fully support them, I would not wish to condemn children to the hardship of living throrugh a climate emergency, potentially fighting over scarce resources.

This is a genuine question @Prelapsarianhag - do you ever contemplate a future in which your DC turn 60 and find that, in fact they could have 30 year old children who are living completely ordinary comfortable lives? As in they could have had their own family and you could have had grandchildren but they avoided it through fear of something that didn't happen? I only ask because your view on it seems quite logical and rational but I wonder about the emotional element of it - this is influenced by the fact that I really really want grandchildren so I can't quite imagine being ok with having none.

To be clear before the smartarses start, if my children say they don't want children I'll have to accept that, even if I'm not ok with it.

I do agree with your friends personally speaking.

It's been easy for my husband and I to make the decision not to have children. I've personally never felt maternal and quite honestly, some of my friends kids drive me insane but that is partly because of their upbringing and the "I want, I want" culture.

That said, it would scare me to death, wondering what life I was going to be offering that child. The possibility of living at home until they're in their 30's because they can't afford a deposit on a house, there being no jobs because people have been replaced by modern technology, the threats to the planet (you only have to look at the wild fires, world temperature increases, loss of habitats for our pollinators, and flooding issues to know this is a huge problem that isn't being tackled effectively and will have detrimental effects later on).

For us, it was also weighing up the reasons for wanting kids and the conclusions we mainly reached were that our parents would love grandkids and would be amazing grandparents and it would be nice to have them visit/look after us in our old age!!. These are not good reasons to have children and there are no guarantees you will have a close relationship with your children, just because you gave birth to them.

Again, this is our opinion, our choice and we don't regret it at all. We have more disposable income as a result which a lot of parents struggle with.

There are so many positives to having children too and everyone is entitled to make the decision themselves regardless of others opinions.

I have been questioned about my decision by a lot of women which can be hurtful at times because I think they look at me as less of a woman because I don't want kids. People seem to think its unnatural for a woman to not have the want and need for children.

I am very happy with my life and that I don't have to go to soft play, holidays that have to cater around the kids. We jet off where we want to go, when we want to go, which is always outside of school holiday times.

I am godmother to three of my friends children because I am good with their kids. I love them like my own, would look after them if it was needed and don't forget birthdays or Christmas. They are all the children I need in my life.

I think your Son and Partner have it spot on. I wish more people had their responsibility, rather than popping out kid after kid like tic tacs.

Only today I saw a thread about someone complaining about having only 25k to rely on and having 3 kids. No planning.

@BallaiLuimni

I’m sure you’ll manage to hold your tongue if it comes to it.

I agree it's sad OP. I don't think there's no hope but I don't see enough evidence right now that the damage to the environment can be stalled let alone reduced. And I'm fairly knowledgeable about what's out there. We are considering adoption/fostering, tho I don't want to comment on the UK system or adoption from overseas as it'll likely derail this thread! Thanks for starting this thread and keeping it respectful. Women's fertility plus climate crisis are touchy topics.

They both sound crackers

I suspect it's just a sense of helplessness. I don't feel like anything I do is going to make any real difference.

I'm surprised at the tenor of this thread. I'm a sustainability scientist, and the conversation about the conditions of the world by 2100 have given nearly everyone I know pause on this question. While different choices have been made by colleagues and friends, its just a reality that it weighs heavily on many people's descion making. While it's valid to have different opinions on whether or not to have children, I think it's important to acknowledge this is a real threat that is encouraging even people who might in another world like children decide not to. we have many pathways for change available to us, but over the last decade I have been involved in this work, the headline is the same. we know how to start transitioning, but we are doing the opposite. we are on track for 3 degrees warming at our current trajectories. i hope this changes. you can read predictions on what a 3 degree warmed world will look like by 2100. I would be surprised if it didn't strike fear for our future children.

My children are teens and I had them before I was too worried about climate change. If I was deciding whether or not to have children now, I would not. My main reason would be climate change. For those that think this is some weird excuse, you need to wake up. Plenty of other people have.