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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm the Victor Meldrew of Weddings!

107 replies

BumbleBee75 · 21/08/2023 08:34

Does anyone else dislike weddings?

I think I've been to that many now (in My 40s) I'm a bit jaded.

I find them a loooong day, forced to be jolly and make conversation, usually costs a small fortune with gifts, new outfit, the dreaded hen do's, more often than not an overnight stay. The loooong part between day and evening at a Wedding seems to drag on forever.

I could just decline obviously, but some are harder than others as can be family members who really I want to be there to see them married etc (but ideally then go home and get into my jama's 😂)

I'm sure DH thinks I'm odd an that all women apart from me love a wedding.

Any other Victor Meldrews out there???

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 21/08/2023 09:04

Just decline, make some reason up if you have to. Though if you ever marry again, don't expect many to turn up.

Original poster
BumbleBee75 · 21/08/2023 09:14

LlynTegid · 21/08/2023 09:04

Just decline, make some reason up if you have to. Though if you ever marry again, don't expect many to turn up.

I go if its close friends or family as I do it for them and its obviously nice to see them married and share it with them. It's just that I wish the actual weddings were about 6 hours shorter 😂

OP posts:
Beverlysparty · 21/08/2023 09:23

Yes, another Victor Meldrew here. I really wish we could go back to the days of weddings being held locally and lasting a few hours. The current trend for destination weddings, hours and hours of photographs, no clear end to the reception, and at least one further day of celebrations has made weddings boring and expensive and ridiculously time consuming and inconvenient for many people.

OhmygodDont · 21/08/2023 09:26

Yup. Only this month has been the last one I can foresee thank god. Well there is another but we declined. It’s just very long and expensive party.

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 21/08/2023 09:38

Yes I hate weddings. The only ones I've been to are family and very close friends. Because they've invited me and they've done a lot for me so I show up for them, but honestly the days/weeks leading up to it I just dread it.

RitzyMcFitzy · 21/08/2023 09:43

This is Mumsnet, OP.

80% of people on this site seem to regard a wedding invitation as an act of aggression.

queenofthewild · 21/08/2023 11:12

I love a wedding. But I always pack a sneaky picnic to keep me going between the vows and the actual food. It transforms a miserable day into something enjoyable.

Plump82 · 21/08/2023 11:32

I can't stand them either. Hence the reason we only told immediate family we were getting married and only invited them. I didn't want to inflict wedding pain on anyone else!

hdbs17 · 21/08/2023 11:34

If I'm invited to the evening reception only, then fine - I'll go.

If I'm invited to the whole day then I absolutely hate it because it's a whole wasted day of being uncomfortable, waiting to be herded to the next location and for the next part of the day to begin.

Can people just get married in a church and have a garden party at home? Far more enjoyable.

Freshair1 · 21/08/2023 11:35

They're bloody boring. The ceremony is about 30 mins yet there's hours of sitting and forced conversation. It's a bit old fashioned in my view. When I got married there were 27 guests, tea and cake in a park and then a Michelin starred meal after in the countryside. Still less than 6k and that was almost a decade ago. Why people insist on being observed and basically spending zilch quality time as they 'make the rounds' is beyond me. But then I don't like social events. Pah.

AlisonDonut · 21/08/2023 11:36

Can't stand them.

dotdotdot3 · 21/08/2023 11:42

I've been politely refusing most wedding invites for years now.

The vast majority of weddings are overblown, wasteful, and poorly planned/executed. And given that so many marriages fail, I suppose you could add insincere to that list.

GalileoHumpkins · 21/08/2023 11:44

I hate them, so many boring hours of standing around and pretending to be having a great time. I'm not a fan of traditons and hate speeches, first dance, cake cutting, bouquet throwing, it's all so samey.

FrenchandSaunders · 21/08/2023 11:45

I hate having to dress smartly. Hate wearing dresses so choosing an outfit is always traumatic.

Then the whole hair, make up, shoes fiasco …. I have always been like this but I think wfh has made me a lot worse.

Youdontsay87 · 21/08/2023 11:49

Yeah it's usually very boring until everyone's drunk and on the dance floor. My most hated part is photographs.

BeauSignoles · 21/08/2023 11:49

I quite like them, but then I haven’t been to one in years, maybe I have rose tinted glasses.

my own was the mumsnet approved registry office followed by pub do. No gifts, no fuss, no fancy outfits. Still, I love someone else’s big do!

Beachbodyready · 21/08/2023 11:50

Awful things. At best you know about a third of the people there and so conversation is awkward. The ceremony is dull - I wish more people wrote their own vows. Hearing people repeat words you’ve heard lots of times makes me think what is being said is meaningless. lots of waiting around and usually loud music in the evening when you might want to talk to people. Hate them. Turn down invitations unless I really like the person and have other friends who are going

TheFirstStraw · 21/08/2023 11:51

Yeah, what everyone else said. Hours of standing about feeling bored, hungry, uncomfortable and usually cold from the draughty church. I've one coming up. It's on the other side of the country, so add in travel and hotel, and I'm already dreading it.

muckandnettles · 21/08/2023 11:53

I feel the same and especially if it involves travel and overnight stay, like a holiday that you don't want to go on. My dd got engaged recently and I was so happy for her but then realised that it might mean a wedding at some point. Oh crap.

mintbiscuit · 21/08/2023 11:55

Me too.

Though I absolutely loathe hen nights.

unless it’s close family or friend, I decline.

Ohyousillydivvy · 21/08/2023 11:58

I've managed by only attending local weddings and declining hen do's etc. I automatically decline international and weddings with more than 2 hours travel time.

If the invitation comes with a begging poem or stupid instructions on colour coded clothes then that's a no too.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 21/08/2023 11:58

I love weddings, but if you don't then just decline them!

AuntieMarys · 21/08/2023 11:58

I'm with you!
I'm in my 60s and only been to about 10. Never been on a hen do.
Just declined one from a relative...luckily we are away.

BlueMoe · 21/08/2023 12:00

My mother is like you, thinks she pretends that she’s enjoying it and that no-be can see the scowling face; the turning up late; and the lame excuses to leave straight after dinner; the bored truculent behaviour.

Doesn’t like not getting the invite though- and very very unhappy when her adult children started to let the cat out of the bag.
Why don’t you do everyone a favour, and just be honest.

ShineLikeA · 21/08/2023 12:01

OP, are you new here? Mn is disproportionately full of posters who loathe weddings, and who love nothing more than coming home from their infrequent excursions out of the house, ripping off their bra, getting into their pyjamas and ignoring the doorbell or the phone, if anyone is so venturesome as to ring or message. Actually, Mn is disproportionately full of misanthropes (who believe they are 'introverts' and discriminated against by 'loud, yammering' extroverts, who want nothing more than to get them out to events and onto the dancefloor while at the same time completely ignoring them because they're 'quiet'.

You would be far more likely to attract outrage on Mn if you bobbed up and admitted to adoring weddings, to liking nothing better than dusting off your fascinator and dancing shoes.