Has anyone had a baby via surrogacy?

[highsexdriveonhol]

Posting for traffic as no one replied to the surrogacy area (fully aware probably the worst place to post but need answers!)

Disclaimer: this is NOT a thread about the ethics of surrogacy - please don't come here with posts about how you don't agree with surrogacy blah blah it's not what the thread is for and you'd be wasting your breath.

I'm exploring all routes of starting a family and to be honest, not convinced this route is for me but I feel only right to consider everything before drawing a line.

So I wanted to hear about positive and negative experiences of surrogacy from parents that did this to have a family.

Did it go well or not well for you, would you do it again?

Are there trauma issues for the child in your experience? Did you struggle to bond with the child?

Ideally looking for couple that used their own sperm and egg where possible.

Thanks in advance x

That would be very statistically unlikely in the UK. What kind of surrogacy bubble are you living in?

What? In 25 years of teaching to have taught children from 5 surrogacy pregnancies?? Doesn’t seem a lot to me.

When I say ‘taught’, I’m a senior leader in a school. The children to which I refer may not have all been directly in my class but they’ve passed through the schools that I’ve worked in. Most recent is the set of twins who were born to a same sex couple (two fathers).They were younger siblings to the child on our roll but a lovely family and fabulous little toddlers who were much loved, much wanted and seemed like typical boys of that age.

Really, so say 20011, there were still only 117 children being born that year via surrogacy, of 800,000 that year. Now there may be as many as 413 in 2020 increasing the odds but obviously that cohort won't in in school for a while. To have taught 5/6 children born via surrogacy must be rare.

Senior lead in a primary school? Or many primary schools?

Which doesn't mean that you are wrong but it does tell you that there is clearly some serious clustering going on.

I agree.

However, the other point I'd make is that if you're a senior leader, there's no way you can confidently assert that the child has no issues relating to surrogacy. I think a class teacher who knows the child well may not even be aware, but there's no way that a senior leader in a school can know whether surrogacy has caused any problems. Not all issues present in an explosive and obvious way and there's no way a senior lead who only has a passing knowledge of the child would be able to tell. Especially as one of these cases wasn't even a child at the school, but a sibling.

A family appearing to be loving with very much wanted children doesn't mean that the surrogacy hasn't had an impact.

The person receiving the organ may die without the donated organ. Noone is going to die through not having a baby...

Well, three over the last 25 years.

Is it? Or is it compensating a woman for doing something special for another woman?

You can frame it however you want. If all parties are happy and the outcome is good including a happy baby then what you’re objecting to is ideological.

My job include the role of SENDCO and Designated Safeguarding Lead. I’m also the school Senior Mental Health Lead (this roll as a complete entity in new but would previous come under the SENDCO remit). I also track whole school assessment. I very much would be aware of any concerns regarding a child and reasons/ possible reasons for them.

Is it? Or is it compensating a woman for doing something special for another woman?
No, it's buying a baby.

The child is the pivotal part of this transaction, an actual human child, not the happy clappy feelings of the person with enough dosh to rent someone else's womb.

Surrogacy is simply wrong, ethically and morally (and legally in the UK). Having children is a privilege, not a right.

No, it’s people trafficking
You can frame it however you want but that’s what it is

I think the reason is relevant, as the interaction is hugely different between a gift fully given and appreciated and a financial/convenience decision.

I have not had a baby through surrogacy, however, but I do know someone who carried a baby for their sister. She genuinely wanted to help and the emotional process was similar to donating a kidney to someone you love. She offered very early, during chemo, and it helped all of them get through it. They are all still very close to each other and it was lovely. Nothing like celebrities paying for convenience babies.

I also think people are kinder to someone having a hard time and would word things differently if they knew this was not a decision you have come to lightly. I hoped it might explain the tone of some replies.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

While surrogacy may be rare, it is more common in certain circles that have the means and circumstances - e.g. the proportion of kardashian children that were born by surrogacy vs carrying themselves is much higher than general population! If you worked in schools etc that catered to these circles (I imagine London area exclusive private schools among them) then I could easily see how you'd come across it more frequently.

No, it's buying a baby.
Everything in life has to be paid for one way or another.
Even when money is involved it’s funding a process that enables people to become parents. Or funding a process that allows a woman to do something for another woman.

You are deliberately framing it in provocative terms.

Also after any birth a baby is often held by lots of different people, midwife, doctor, birth mother, MA, partner, grandmother, sibling etc. Transferring a baby to the intended mother is not the same as disrupting a bond that has been established postnatally for days, weeks or months.
If the intended mother provides warmth, comfort, skin to skin, eye contact, love, communication etc all fairly immediately what evidence do you have that a baby will experience this as a life long trauma or even cognitively be aware?

I think the potential for lack of breastfeeding is the biggest concern as human milk is important but there are whole areas of the UK where babies are not breastfed now unfortunately.

Seems like some of you are just making alarmist stuff up to scare and upset other women tbh.

Everything in life has to be paid for one way or another
Everything necessary. Some things should never be for sale in a civilised society; human life is one of them.

what evidence do you have that a baby will experience this as a life long trauma or even cognitively be aware?
I think it's well documented in the case of adopted children? There's no difference when the intended parent has bought and paid for you.

Not the way the world works. Human life in the form of even basic healthcare is a commodity in countries such as the USA.

Paying for healthcare is not even remotely comparable to human trafficking?

Some things should never be for sale in a civilised society; human life is one of them.

Because?

Frankly I think it’s appalling that water and heat have to be for sale in a civilised society.

Yes adopted children, surrogacy is not adoption. Adoption trauma comes from multiple places that don't apply in surrogacy.

For example feeling like your parents didn't want you and gave you away. The baby will be the biological child of the intended parents. They are very much wanted children that have not been given away by their parents.

Also adoption with worst trauma is usually not from birth. The adopted child would have been with birth family for time and formed an attachment. This does not happen in surrogacy. They often have been removed and the children may have issues due to witnessing abusive behaviour, exposure to alcohol and drugs etc and have lifelong difficulties that are associated with that.

Adoption and surrogacy are not comparable.

You can't think buying a life, and doing so under contract, is a reasonable extension of the marketplace? What are your thoughts on slavery?