Has anyone had a baby via surrogacy?

[highsexdriveonhol]

Posting for traffic as no one replied to the surrogacy area (fully aware probably the worst place to post but need answers!)

Disclaimer: this is NOT a thread about the ethics of surrogacy - please don't come here with posts about how you don't agree with surrogacy blah blah it's not what the thread is for and you'd be wasting your breath.

I'm exploring all routes of starting a family and to be honest, not convinced this route is for me but I feel only right to consider everything before drawing a line.

So I wanted to hear about positive and negative experiences of surrogacy from parents that did this to have a family.

Did it go well or not well for you, would you do it again?

Are there trauma issues for the child in your experience? Did you struggle to bond with the child?

Ideally looking for couple that used their own sperm and egg where possible.

Thanks in advance x

OP, I would not seek advice here. I'm sure there must be dedicated surrogacy forums or websites elsewhere on the internet where you can read about real experiences.

I'm exploring all routes of starting a family and to be honest, not convinced this route is for me but I feel only right to consider everything before drawing a line

Then you need to consider the Ethics of surrogacy.
This area of your investigation is probably not what you want to hear.

i know someone who did. Went to USA. Partner's sperm, donated egg, and a surrogate (not biological mother). all went very well. All parties paid, which is legal there. Child absolutely fine. Family happy and in tact.

i know MN has huge issues with the ethics of this and agree they are complex, but anecdotally the only person I know who has undergone this had a happy outcome for all concerned. They have visited the birth mother and egg donor so the child knows about their biological heritage.

OP lots of MNers are against surrogacy and I don’t think you’ll get unbiased opinions.

I personally don’t have an issue with it and would have been happy to consider carrying a child for my sister (I wouldn’t now due to a traumatic birth of my own child) but I don’t see that there are any ethical issues in this instance, although I wouldn’t have made the decision lightly.

If someone wants to be a surrogate then it’s up to them.

So many people call for women to have control over their bodies, yet when it comes to this people are against it z

I don’t know if you follow the kardashians but Khloe had a surrogate and was quite open about how she struggled with it as she couldn’t bond with her baby for a while and it felt very transactional.

I hope you get some replies from people who’ve been or used a surrogate before.

Maybe so but I think it's because already having children means understanding the natural bond between mother and child after 9 months of pregnancy, and being able to think with a clearer mind of the child's voice and perspective here.

Can I ask why you’d choose surrogacy over adoption?
Is it so the baby will have your DNA/you know the background of it?

don't come here with posts about how you don't agree with surrogacy blah blah it's not what the thread is for and you'd be wasting your breath.

Oh behave OP 🙄

They are such different processes to be basically incomparable

Both in terms of the journey and also the result

It’s such a facile and ridiculous comparison, second only to people saying ‘why don’t you just adopt’ to someone doing ivf

You are brave posting about surrogacy on here. The mumsnet law is that having a baby via surrogacy is akin to murdering your granny

That's an unnecessarily rude and angry response to my post.

I hope that won't be how you deal with questions about ethics if you follow this route because it will come up, not least from your child.

If freedom means anything at all it means being able to tell people things that they do not wish to hear.
George Orwell.

There are epigenetic impacts on foetuses in utero, and DNA from the surrogate can be passed onto the baby so please be aware of this.

You're asking someone to risk their life so you can have a baby. But you don't want anyone to make this point to you too much. Ffs.

So it's 'I want to hear all opinions as long as it agrees with me'?!

I can't help as I have no experience of it @highsexdriveonhol but it must be upsetting to not be able to conceive and to have tried other routes - like adoption etc. I do wish you well though, and please know that not everyone is against it.

Not every woman who is a surrogate is violated and treated like rubbish as some people (on here) make out. Please ignore the comments like this, and focus on the people who are being positive about it. Mumsnet HATES surrogacy. SO WEIRD. I have never heard such vitriolic and negative views about it in real life. Ever.

As I say, I cannot help, but I just wanted to say good luck with it all!

@PicaK Me and my husband had a baby together - is he a monster because he willingly knew I was risking my life because he wanted a child? Your answer will be no because I was happy to do so and it was agreed together

Yet if all parties involved in surrogacy are on the same page it’s somehow wrong.

Dont get me wrong I KNOW there are bad sides to surrogacy but it is not all bad.

I knew a couple who had a baby via surrogacy and their surrogate is now one of their closest friends

I think it's pretty obvious that is the reason!

Off you go?? It's a fairly wide held opinion. It's mine too 🤷🏻‍♀️

An old classmate of mine had a baby through a surrogate in the USA (they're living there now). She was very open about it, had a blog and all that, and from what I gather she basically had a surrogate because her husband is a shallow twat and she was afraid she'd ruin her figure and he'd cheat if she were to get pregnant. Child seems fine and is off to high school next year.

That being said though, I don't agree with surrogacy and will just not be having kids.

She asked for experiences. She didn't ask for any opinions at all.

It's a discussion forum. Nobody really gets to control the narrative like that.

You're never going to get people who bought a baby from another woman say that it was a big mistake and they're wracked with guilt about it.

There was an article from a woman who was a surrogate for her brother and his wife a while ago which was really interesting. She had very very complex emotions about it.

'Altruistic' surrogacy is seen as a better option than commercial but it comes with a whole host of other issues.

I wish I could remember where it was. I thought it was the guardian but I can't find it

Like I said, she doesn’t get to choose who posts.
Neither do you

I don’t care

You're never going to get people who bought a baby from another woman say that it was a big mistake and they're wracked with guilt about it.

Khloe Kardashian has been open about her surrogacy experience and the guilt she felt and difficulties with bonding.