Has anyone had a baby via surrogacy?

[highsexdriveonhol]

Posting for traffic as no one replied to the surrogacy area (fully aware probably the worst place to post but need answers!)

Disclaimer: this is NOT a thread about the ethics of surrogacy - please don't come here with posts about how you don't agree with surrogacy blah blah it's not what the thread is for and you'd be wasting your breath.

I'm exploring all routes of starting a family and to be honest, not convinced this route is for me but I feel only right to consider everything before drawing a line.

So I wanted to hear about positive and negative experiences of surrogacy from parents that did this to have a family.

Did it go well or not well for you, would you do it again?

Are there trauma issues for the child in your experience? Did you struggle to bond with the child?

Ideally looking for couple that used their own sperm and egg where possible.

Thanks in advance x

Do you have someone who would be a surrogate for your OP? I think that's the difference for me. I would potentially be a surrogate for a sister/ best friend and I've got no issues with that kind of surrogacy. however I don't agree with women who are paid to do it. It makes me feel like they're just a vessel to be rented. Makes me feel uneasy.

Somebody I used to work with went to Tiblisi in Georgia, there are surrogacy agencies there. Their embryo, frozen in the UK. They seemed to think it was a good process and have a little girl, now back at home in the UK. It gave them their genetic child and are very happy.
Disclaimer : I am not saying if it's right or wrong, just responding to the OP who asked about experiences. Not mine, but I thought it may be useful.

IVF is the same outcome as surrogacy only if you don't give a shit about the surrogate or the baby, both of whom will be affected profoundly and potentially traumatically.

I have a friend who looked into it as she wanted another baby after she had to have her womb removed during her first labour. It's prohibitively expensive and a lot of red tape in this country. She didn't end up going ahead and has adopted.

Another woman I know did do it, but used a surrogate in the USA and is in a much different wealth bracket to me and friend mentioned above, so she had a shitload of cash to throw at it.

Thank you for sharing your experience. It was the first honest account I think I've read.

@Maireas Georgia have banned surrogacy recently.

OP, as my posting history attest to I have often started surrogacy threads and comment on related threads. I am anti-surrogacy since learning of the truth from Mumsnet (search for rumplestiltskin and you'll find why). You could balance the views here alongside anecdotes from agencies (who have a vested interest) and any number of media articles which say how wonderful it is. (Some articles only briefly mention the EMCS, post birth injuries or secondary infertility at the end so be sure to read to the last paragraphs).

I share this for examples you may not easily come across.

Surrogacy Resource thread : please post your links here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3782983-surrogacy-resource-thread-please-post-your-links-here

It's harder to find more honest accounts but you can read first person accounts at Nordic Model Now or Stop Surrogacy Now or search for #surrogacyregret on Twitter.

You can balance out the stories of surrogacy regret and exploration of the ethical issues discussed often on Mumsnet alongside the positive stories with happy endings from national media and surrogate mothers (many work at agencies as co-ordinaries) and make up your own mind.

Thank you to the posters on here who are being much more measured and reasonable than the surrogacy threads usually go. In fact I usually hide them as they are so bad.

If I want to have a child surrogacy is my only option. I have no possible chance of carrying a baby due to having endometrial cancer at aged 32. I still have my ovaries but had to have had a hysterectomy.
I don't feel equipped to handle adoption for a whole host of reasons.

I probably won't do it. I'm not sure enough to accept someone else carrying a baby on my behalf and I'm still struggling with accepting that I can't carry myself.

But the vitriol spouted on here is just vile. For those against surrogacy please remember there are people out there with feelings and your words hurt and can do serious harm.

For those of you who disagree with surrogacy because it’s akin to buying a human, do you also disagree with (voluntary) live organ donation?

@Sleeepdeprived exactly!

Do you buy the organ or pay 'expenses'?

Firstly OP, nobody is setting out to upset you, or any of the other posters.

Most of us have nothing but sympathy for any woman struggling with fertility.

The issue with surrogacy is that it is incredibly risky for the woman and child. And a whole host of other issues, eg commercial surrogacy is very exploitative, because it preys on very poor women in developing countries who do it not because they want to, but because they need the money or are coerced.

Surrogacy using a different woman’s egg is more likely to be risky or end in miscarriage for the surrogate, but using her own egg means she is literally giving up her own genetic child. How might that child feel when they grow up and know they were given away, or even bought from, their own mother?

Too much of the debate is about the wants of adults, not the rights and needs of the child. That’s not how good law or public policy should be made.

There are lots of examples of surrogate mother’s experience on the Nordic Model Now website, and the Twitter pages SurrogConcern and WombsNotForRent post really interesting information about surrogacy here and abroad.

It’s not just any other way to have a family- it can be profoundly damaging to the mother and child. I would never countenance it.

My colleague's dad gave her a kidney. Fine.
If my colleague had gone to Georgia to buy one, that would not be fine.

And I'll say it again, if you're not emotionally intelligent or robust enough to cope with internet strangers disagreeing with your views, you're definitely not up to the task of parenting via surrogacy.

It is buying a human. Do you see yourself the same as a kidney?

I think you’ll make a great mum!

What from this short thread makes you think that?

On the organ donation comparison.

Surrogacy www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feminism/4608634-surrogacy

(Is a kidney a sentient being with instinct, consciousness and the ability to make decisions?)

Surrogacy does serious harm. In fact, most things that exploit women do serious harm.

Agree. Can't imagine handing over the child I had given birth to after seeing just how much they instinctively already know who you are within that golden hour after birth, seeing them do the breast crawl, and only stopping crying when they're with me.

People forget the child in these circumstances and assume that because all looks fine on the surface of things for surrogate families that the child hasn't just gone through a huge trauma.

For those of you who disagree with surrogacy because it’s akin to buying a human, do you also disagree with (voluntary) live organ donation?

False equivalency. Are you talking about a person who is medically assisted to grow an "extra" organ (say a second heart), and then have it removed? That would be equivalent.

This. I wish it was more easily considered in the UK

@Soontobe60 me too!!! 🤰mum of the year me 🏆

And this sums up why it’s so wrong. Exploiting some poor woman in Georgia, who was desperate for the money. Who knows her take on the experience (I suspect no one’s asked). Maybe long term physical or emotional issues as a result. Glad Georgia has now banned the process.

Surrogacy within close family - maybe? But unconvinced personally.

An example of just because we can, doesn’t mean we should.

Do people like you not realise your opinion matters not a jot to OP and won't change her mind. Absolute waste of battery life typing it

there are people out there with feelings and your words hurt and can do serious harm

Those people include the babies too right?
Babies rather inconveniently grow up to be children then adults and are influenced k various ways by harm done to them in childhood.

They too could be harmed, or not, you'd have to research it to know for sure - for research starting points I would direct anyone to The Donor Conception Network, We Are Donor Conceived and books and studies on 'genealogical bewilderment' (it's tragic and fascinating and relevant to surrogacy, adoption or any situation where child keen grow without their birth or genetic parents) or simply watch Long Lost Families, or Our Father or Three Identical Strangers for the mainstream, popularised version.

FFS she’s not asking for your opinion. She has already done research and understands both sides to surrogacy. She’s asking for real experiences, not a page worth of vitriol against it. FFS just read what she’s asking for. If you can’t give that F off.