Has anyone had a baby via surrogacy?

[highsexdriveonhol]

Posting for traffic as no one replied to the surrogacy area (fully aware probably the worst place to post but need answers!)

Disclaimer: this is NOT a thread about the ethics of surrogacy - please don't come here with posts about how you don't agree with surrogacy blah blah it's not what the thread is for and you'd be wasting your breath.

I'm exploring all routes of starting a family and to be honest, not convinced this route is for me but I feel only right to consider everything before drawing a line.

So I wanted to hear about positive and negative experiences of surrogacy from parents that did this to have a family.

Did it go well or not well for you, would you do it again?

Are there trauma issues for the child in your experience? Did you struggle to bond with the child?

Ideally looking for couple that used their own sperm and egg where possible.

Thanks in advance x

Birth, labour and conception had complications with long term effects, it's not fair to ask a stranger to do that on your behalf no matter what you pay them

this

There are lots of ethical dilemmas with surrogacy as well as legal issues. To name just a few:

• how does anyone truly give informed consent when the possible effects of pregnancy are so varied and life altering; haemorrhage requiring hysterectomy and surrogate can never have another child of their own, what if the baby is Ill who decides whether to continue the pregnancy, birth injuries like lifetime incontinence etc
• in some countries it's a financial transaction that draws in women with very limited options to earn money, it's used much like prostitution as the only way to survive. Rarely do you hear of financially secure women acting as surrogates.
• there have been cases of women having a baby prematurely or with a medical condition and the 'parents' abandoning the baby with the surrogate who is legally responsible.

Having said that I do know a woman who was an altruistic surrogate in the U.K., she went in to it with her eyes wide open, she already had her own children and wanted to help her friend. The only financial transactions were to cover direct costs of the pregnancy so no one made any money from it (except the solicitors drawing up the paperwork), she was very happy with it and her friend is now a mum. It worked out really well.

Child usually genetically unrelated to her too.

The mother will grow and nourish that child from her own body, her body will carry the child's DNA forever. They are forever related.

@Hamandpeas - please don't assume that women who think surrogacy is wrong haven't had fertility issues. It's really offensive.

I'm sorry your adoption has been so difficult.

I would contemplate it if a family member was involved as the surrogate. I’m not sure how I would feel about someone i don’t know.

I have contemplated this option too, for me I like to assess all options open to me before making any decisions.

Positives for me would be a generically related child. My DH isn’t keen on adoption. If it was a family member who volunteered that’s a lovely thing to do.

I have no experience. But if you want to do it. Go for it 😊

@drinktilisink & @Clymene

• that was my thread!

Just wanted to say I'm glad you liked it, I was excepting to be set on fire but hey I wasn't! And it was good to see others perspectives but also made me really think about what I'd gone through and how I feel about it now I'm a mum!

OMG, the vitriol on this thread. There are so many reasons people might require a surrogate and so many reasons a woman might offer to be one. Having been through a nightmare fertility journey myself I'd hand on heart be a surrogate for a close family member should I be eligible and should it be the only option. Of course there are ethical considerations, but done properly all parties go in informed and aware of these. People are so judgemental.

I don't think surrogacy is that commonplace, which is why this thread is filled with far more debate than actual experience......

Why are you considering surrogacy? I think that does play a HUGE part in your experience of it. Eg I know a gay couple who used surrogacy and their experience was very different from another couple who used a surrogate because the mother could provide eggs but wouldn’t have been able to sustain a pregnancy.
A close friend became their surrogate.

@SaveMeFromMyBoobs Does the baby know that too?

People on MN go batshit over surrogacy. You’ll have to wade through the comments for anything useful!

Hi @Hamandpeas

Do you feel comfortable elaborating on the type of issues you came up against when your children reached their teens? We are considering adoption at the moment so it would be good to have that insight.

Was wanting to reconnect with birth parents a factor?

@MBailey99

Well, you're going to be given people's opinions on here OP because we feel strongly about it.

Speak for yourself. WE do NOT all feel strongly about it. I am nonchalant about it. If someone wants to do it, and a woman is willing to be their surrogate, then good for them. Got naff-all to do with anyone else!

@Itsnotrightbutitsok yes and I'm fed up with this question,

Why doesn't everyone adopt? Why do those who don't have fertility issues be saints and go down that route? I honestly see it as the same as asking an infertile person

This. ^ It's bizarre! Like I said, I don't ever encounter this attitude in real life. If someone came at me for using a surrogate - if I ever did - and had a go at me, they'd get a short shrift from me, and a mouthful! They would not say anything else again! As I said, it's nothing to do with anyone else!

There are a lot of posters on here who AREN'T feminists too. And not ALL feminists disagree with surrogacy. There's a lot of assumptions on here from a few (narrow-minded) posters!

@MichelleScarn I want neither pro or negative views - I don't care about opinions / I want experiences so if you haven't been a surrogate or had a surrogate baby get off the thread.

It's really fucking simple.

Yep! And I suspect the ones who are shouting the loudest and bashing surrogacy the most, are the ones who know least about it. Just jumping on the 'mumsnet surrogate-bashing bandwagon!'

Oh dear, well you sound calm and rational.

She is being massively provoked?

Your thread title is wrong OP. If you buy a baby, you are not "having a baby" in any sense of the meaning of that phrase. You are buying another woman's body.

Surrogacy should be illegal.

It's tough if you can't conceive & gestate your own child. Really tough (I know from experience). BUt that doesn't justify using another woman's body as your gestating vehicle.

"I want another woman to spend 9 months pregnant and to give birth to a baby on my behalf but I cannot cope with strangers on the internet disagreeing with me."

OMG @highsexdriveonhol you're rude.

YABU in all sorts of ways.

You say you've "researched" the ethics. Really? You don't appear to have had any kind of thought process about the ethics ...