I found out this morning that my childminder allows my daughter to call her Mummy without challenging it

[padboz]

I assumed my dd was talking to me this morning when she said 'mummy can I X' but it turned out to be directed at our childminder. I questioned this and she said 'oh she's always called me that when you aren't here - usually she stops when you get here instantly and starts calling me X - she definately knows you are her mummy' She's 2 been there since she was 6 months. I didn't really say anything, but I'm sitting here fuming - does this matter?

It'd matter to me !!

oh no thats wrong. she should correct it. tell her she needs to correct it, if not with her proper name then think of another name for her.

This would be a complete deal-breaker for me, tbh.

I think it does matter, yes.

It does matter because it has upset you and I wouldn't like it either. I would have a word with the CM and tell her you want her to correct your DD when she calls her Mummy. I used to get called Mummy when I was a Nanny and I would always correct them as I was not their Mummy. Odd slip of the tongues are fine, for goodness sake I get daddy quite a bit but the way she says she stops as soon as you go to get her makes me feel like the CM almost encourages it.

YANBU.

yes it matters! I would tell CM you are not happy about it.

Would it have been encouraged if she's been there since 6 months?

If it were me who was the CM (I'm not) I would say no XXX my name is MOH or some such

I wouldn't like it one bit.

YANBU, but lots of children call someone they spend a lot of time with mummy. Teachers in the first couple of years at school have it a lot. Encourage your DD to use your childminder's proper name and your childminder should be gently reminding her as well.

your childminder needs to teach your daughter that she isn't 'mummy'. that's just wrong. best to approach her about this I think...

The CM should correct your DD but you shouldn't make a big deal out of it. BabyDragon calls loads of people "mummy". She calls me "daddy" sometimes.

DD is 7 and DS is 3, they sometimes call me Dad, DD calls me Miss, they call DP mum etc, but we always correct them if they don't correct themselves.
I'd say something.
It does matter yes.

My DS has had DP as his stepdad since he was about 16months, when we first moved in together he could hardly talk, so one of the first things he used to say was 'Dad' to DP, we tried and tried to correct him but eventually decided it was something we were happy with and would explain to DS when he was older. DS now believes DP is his Dad, so IME allowing this to happen could confuse her.

My ds routinely calls me by my first name, and hardly ever calls me mummy.

I was asked the other day if I was his childminder

But yes, agree with the other comments. CM should gently correct when it comes up.

I didnt think I was being silly - she made me feel like it was no big deal but to me it is. I've no idea how I'll go about it, but I think I do need to say something. gulp. Thanks girls.

it would annoy me, tell her to correct your dd, as imo i would always corrent the child, as it will just confuse your dd if she carries on letting your dd call her mummy

Some of the kids in my class accidentally call me "mum," sometimes, but always go 'oops! I mean Mrs Clam' and laugh. It's a habit, Mrs begins with the same letter as Mum and they're just not thinking. But then, they're 9 and 10 years old, which is different from what you're saying here. YANBU. I'd be, well, not exactly worried, because your DD knows who her mum is really, but I'd put a stop to it.

that is weird

I'd hate it

does the cm have her own children?

YANBU

I've sometimes babysat a friend's dd, aged three, and she's occasionally called me 'mummy'. I always tell her not to, and to call me by my name. the childminder should do the same.

I'd change childminder

seriously

unless she handled you talking about it well and wasnt chippy about it

Of course it's a big deal and the childminder should never have allowed it to become commonplace without correction.

A good CM always makes sure to never, ever compete with the parents or to allow any possible confusion to arise as to who is the parent. To me this would be grounds for looking for a new CM.

Ohmigod I cant believe your childminder. I would slap her! (Irrational pregnant woman here!!)

My mother tells me my sister and I used to call our childminder Mummy sometimes. She wasn't bothered - saw it more as a job title in that context, i.e. Mummy slips out because that person is doing Mummy things (such as doing your buttons up or whatever). And a positive sign that we had a very good, secure relationship with the childminder (who became a very dear family friend).

Oddly enough ds has never called his nanny or anyone at nursery Mummy as far as I know. But if he did, wouldn't worry me.

It is a different thing if your child calls you daddy instead of mummy or if they call the teacher that. It is a slip of the tongue.

Calling a CM mummy and then reverting back to her name once you turn up is a different thing altogether as I feel it says more about the CM than the child.

I can understand why you're upset. If she's been looking after children for years, it probably regularly comes up - she knows that the kids don't REALLY think she is their mummy. She may well have lost touch a bit with how sensitive parents may feel about it. I wouldn't change childminders unless she is doing something else really creepy, but do tell her to correct dc for sure.

I agree with Edam but I can see why you would be upset that your CM has allowed this continue.

My sister was a Nanny for many years and she used to get this a lot. She always tried to correct the child without labouring the point excessively but she said sometimes they continued to do it regardless of her efforts.

I'm sure your DD does know you are her mummy but I do understand why you might be upset. I wouldn't make too much of a big thing about it myself, just say to the CM you'd rather she discouraged it.

OUCH! Don't think I would change CM, as your lo seems happy with this one, but I would be miffed! This was my big fear, and why I ended up sending my kids to nursery rather than have a CM. I know it means nothing, but I am far too insecure!!