I found out this morning that my childminder allows my daughter to call her Mummy without challenging it

[padboz]

I assumed my dd was talking to me this morning when she said 'mummy can I X' but it turned out to be directed at our childminder. I questioned this and she said 'oh she's always called me that when you aren't here - usually she stops when you get here instantly and starts calling me X - she definately knows you are her mummy' She's 2 been there since she was 6 months. I didn't really say anything, but I'm sitting here fuming - does this matter?

I used to call my CM 'Auntie xx'. I think I'd feel a bit strange now if I'd called her 'Mummy', especially knowing how hard my mother found having to let another woman spend more time with me than she did.

PS I suppose I should be offended now that dd has started calling me by my first name instead of mummy . She grins when she says it and knows full well she shouldn't.

haven't read all the thread but we do a nannyshare, in our house, with a 2yo, 2ce a week. Sometimes she calls me 'mummy', just bcs I'm around sometimes and she hears my children calling me that. I don't always correct her -- it doesn't seem that significant. She isn't muddling me up with her 'Mummy', but at this age 'mummy' serves as a catchall word for most adult females (the nanny gets called it, too, obv). I seriously wouldn't stress about it, tbh, unless there are other issues that you're worried about.

My dcs sometimes call the nanny 'mummy' too. Again, no biggie for me. Slip of tongue. Personally I think it's vital not to feel threatened by your childcare provider. Otherwise the jealousy will roll away with you.

I remember calling my teachers at primary 'mummy' fairly often and being hugely embarrassed about this. Thankfully I don't remember any of them pushing me away and saying, 'You mustn't call me that.' They just let it go which I think was the most sensitive approach.

padboz - I am really not surprised she's been childminding for years - I don't get the idea she's encouraging your daughter to say it. It sounds like she needs a bit of a reality check though, in terms of realising why this might be uncomfortable for parents who hadn't "been tehre and done that, seen it all" etc after years of childminding. It's good that her experience is useful but not overbearing in other ares though.

Just remember she is your child and NO ONE has more experience with your child as YOU

Our CM has been doing the job for years and is fab. I had a hunch that DS1 would be calling the CM mummy and when I asked her what DS1 called her she was sensitive to the fact that I might feel protective about the name. But I wasn't. I was more miffed with DS1 (who was about 18 months at the time) for using mummy as a catch all term, which clearly was totally unreasonable (and I knew it)!

For goodness sake all this talk of looking for another childminder, purely on the basis of your tiny little 2yr old calling her mummy???..absolutely crazy!..even though she has said YEs your dd does call me it, she hasnt said she drums it into her from the minute she gets in the door, she has prob told her "no im x, mummy's at work" so many times but at 2, shes not going to take it in, shes thinking of playing and other important stuff..so the cm has prob thought oh well, shes not doing any harm, it will pass, no point in correcting her every 2 minutes ad shes already said she KNOWS You are her mummy...shes not a child snatcher or trying to take the dd away from her mum, she sounds like a kind woman, who(by reading your second post) may 'think' she knows better at times, this is were you need to pull her up, not b'cause your dd slipped up or gets mixed up..feel sorry for cm's like this(me inc), if a mindee calls me mummy, i say mummys at work/uni, im xxx and thats it..i dont make them repeat until they get my name right!

Think you're being a bit unreasonable to be honest. I am sure your child knows who her mum is and it's no doubt a slip of the tongue/lapse of concentration. I used to call my teachers "mum" all the time. Your CM doesn't really need to correct her.

The little boy I look after does this sometimes.

I just say "I'm not your mummy, I'm Sarah, Jane, Carol" etc (anything other than my name)Of course he replies "No you're not you're POLLYLOGOS."

I think its just a slip of the tongue when he's concentrating on something else but I would be mortified if his mum heard the conversation and I hadn't corrected him and got upset as you did. (I would have hated to hear my children calling someone else mummy and that person accepting this.)

I call the lady that helped me get away from my abusive family mum. She is more my mother than the woman who gave birth to me.

I got my childminder a "You're just like a mum" mother's day card from ds......

am I a weirdo?

Actually in my native language, a childminder is "day-mummy".

I haven't read the whole thread, far too many to catch up on! Totally out of order though! I always make a point of making clear 'who's the mummy' right from the start with my mindees. Even correcting every single old person that stops to chat in the street! It is just so wrong.

Love the idea of sending a mothers day card with 'you're just like a mummy' though! That would probably make me cry! I'm such a sap!

QS
Funny that you should mention that, it is the same here, I never thought of it like that. TagesMUTTER

You are not German, are you? I thought you were Norwegian?

I'm intrigued Quintessential - what's your native language?

i think the term house mummy is south afican?

Kindersurprise and Janni, I am norwegian. The term is dagmamma (day mummy) so quite similar to german, then.

one of my children's friends used to call me mummy when we were out. When I questioned it and said their mum wouldn't like it they said it was simpler. So I let them, because it was.

I agree with edam and whoever agreed with her. When dd was younger she called a couple of my friends and their dc's called me mummy, to them at that age it was more of a job title than a name, they all grew out of it.

I always thought that one of the reasons to pick a child minder over a nursery was for that home from home feeling and I would be pleased that is what you have.

There is a girl in dd's nursery that calls her cm mummy, has done from the day she went to her, her mum is an ex colleague of mine and we chatted about it and it doesn't bother her in the slightest, her dd knows who her mummy is a bit like the group of mummies mentioned above.

Actually reminds me of a story my friend told me about bathing her then 2 yo ds one night and he said "I am so lucky I have lots of mummies" friend paused for a second wondering if it was going to be one of those bizarre stories "MY 2 YO TOLD ME DH WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR" so she asked him how, "well I have you and Ineedacleaner don't I?" as the other main female in his life he just seen me as another mummy and his dad worked offshore and I never had dc's of my own at the time I had a lot of time to help out.

Haven't read the whole thread.
My dd (nearly 2) sometimes calls my cm's husband daddy (my cm told me) so I suspect she sometimes calls my cm mummy (I suspect she'd be bright enough not to tell me...)
Wonderful that she feels so at home there.

I'd probably be slightly uncomfy if the cm didn't correct her on the mummy front, but it would be a wonderful proof of a happy relationship...

Thanks Quintessential! That's a very sweet term and adds some balance to to this debate. I'm starting to change my mind...!