Step kids and wills

[Bab2023]

Hi all

DH and I have been discussing drawing up wills.
he has 3 kids from a previous marriage, ages 8, 11 & 13 and we share a 6 month old together.
we own a house together and pretty much pay 50/50 for everything. I help out financially with the step kids too buying clothes, Christmas gifts, schools trips, food shopping, just whatever is needed at the time basically.

just wondering what is fair in regards to the wills?
my step kids have a great mother who is very involved who will obviously leave everything to them, and her parents will obviously leave to her etc.
so my step kids already have two parents who will leave to them.

DH assumed everything between us would be split 4 ways between all the kids.
but I mentioned in theory I have one official dependent so then he was like “oh, so he gets half and the others have to share the other half?” Then I reminded him he has 4 kids not 3!
And he’s upset at the thought of his share being split between his 4 kids when my half would go to mine and he thinks it’s not fair baby gets extra. so the whole thing is confusing is now -
I don’t think he should miss out our baby if I miss out the other 3 kids, but in his head it’s not fair on the other 3, even though they will get form their mum.
if they never had a mum and had nothing, I would be more happy to split equally. Or if our finances were not 50/50 and DH paid more that would be different also.

so I’m just wondering what’s fair? I haven’t told him I won’t leave anything to his kids - but I feel 4 ways is not fair either as ultimately his older kids are left with more.
but I’m happy to leave something for them I just don’t know what’s fair?
how can we make this fair?
AIBU to want to leave more to my birth child?
tia

You need to protect your child, say you get hit by a bus tomorrow, everything goes to your husband. In 5 years he remarries and has a further child (or not), then in 30 years he dies and all your money and his goes to wife 3. You can’t rely on any of your best intentions for your child’s inheritance being protected after you die if you don’t make it legally clear now.

It’s common to leave nothing to step children as their inheritance is covered by their parent(s)

Tbh I don’t think either way is unfair and you should do what you want to do.

my SIL is splitting everything as you’ve proposed.

Our wills is everything split between all the children and treating all the kids under our roof the same regardless of any potential inheritance elsewhere.

Neither is right or wrong imo. What works for one family isn’t necessarily the same for another.

You do need to have a watertight will though as if anything happened and you died second your step kids would have no inheritance from you.

You need to leave your half directly to your child. And specifically list jewellery or any items. You don’t need to tell him , just have your own will drawn up.

This.

Yanbu at all and I think you should have run the minute he expected you to half fund his dc. I hope that your deposit is protected as well as your half of the house because he’s made it very clear that the interests of your shared child are irrelevant to him.

I have 2 dc. My DH has 1 dc and 1 step Dc.
Our wills both leave everything to each other, then split our estates equally between each child of the other partner has died. This was actually his wish - if he dies after me, he will split his estate equally between both dc.

OP, your dh should make his will as he sees fit and you should do the same. You can’t guilt each other into making certain choices.
Once one of you dies, the person left can then change their will if they so wish. Oh, and there’s absolutely NO guarantee than one of the children will receive any inheritances from other relatives! The step children’s mother’s mother may well have left everything to the cats home!

That doesn’t sound very equal. Was it ring fenced?

Step kids have two parents.

Yours goes to your biological kid. His gets split 4 ways between them all.

No way should you have paid half for a 4 bed! God smacked you did.

I have 1 dsd.

my half of the house will go equally between our 2 kids.
His half will go 3 ways between our 2 kids and my dsd.

so she will get approx 16%
and our 2 will get approx 42% each

Honestly your dh sounds a tad financially abusive … you get to support him and his children and get told it’s not enough? Fuck that

Sounds like he might as well the way he thinks it’s an injustice to his kids to get less and didn’t want to include their joint dc on the split.

If you paid for the deposit on the house (and 50% of costs), where was he living before-did he own a house?

Show hom this thread, he is being ridiculous. Your estate is yours to give to whomever you wish to. Ask him if he is asking his ex to also split it with your child? How silly of him

Sorry, I read the rest of your posts. I dont agree with how you split costs. ID be safe guarding my money and not spending it on his kids. As awful as this sounds, it looks like he is taking advantage of you. Sorry OP

Thats what I am wondering now!

Your husband is being ridiculous and needs a reality check. Don't be bullied into it by him, he's being totally unreasonable and it would totally short change your child.

Your half should go to your child, and his should be split between his 4.

Both of my parents died recently. I have a half-brother from my dad's first marriage, so my dad has 3 children and my mum has 3.

In their wills they both had it arranged so that my full sibling and I each got 1/2 of my mum's 50%, and then my dad's 50% was split three ways between me, my full sibling, and my half sibling. My parents died at the same time, so from their total combined estate the inheritance breakdown (rounded up) worked out to 40%/40%/20%.

There was no resentment whatsoever, my half sibling will be considered in his mum's will whereas us other two will not be. It all seems fair to me.

I think the normal thing would be to leave everything to the surviving partner. Esp whilst you have young children. The idea of making your lifetime partner homeless or reduce them to poverty in old age just so you can leave money to an adult child is bizarre imo.

*Should say mum has 2, obviously.

I honestly do not get how parents like your DH get off being this entitled. I could almost get it if it was just the one step child, but when the number of SC outnumber your actual kids... he's expecting you to leave 3/4 of everything to kids that are not yours and only 1/4 to your child. That is mind boggling,

I work in wills and I have to say that almost everyone with step kids draw up their wills as your DH has suggested - everything to each other and then to the children equally.

Have you considered a life interest in the property? You split the property in half, giving each other the right to live in your half and then each half is given to whomever you wish - such as your half could go to to your child and his between his four?

Dellarobia

Bab2023
Omg I would definitely not do that to my step kids

But he might do it do your joint DC if you die first.

Yes this. Trust but verify/ensure what you want to happen with your Will happens. 🌹

This. There is absolutely no way would I be doing a 4 way split for children that are not mine!! And your dh is despicable for even trying to spite you by leaving your child out. Disgusting.

Your husband seems to lack some sense.

his children receive a quarter each of his share of your house - so all his children are treated equally by him.

your children receive a proportion share of your house. At the moment that is one child.

three of his children also receive a proportionate share of their mothers estate.

thats is fair. All children inherit equally from their respective parents.

his children do not have three parents - they have two. You would presume to say you are their mother so why would you treat them as your children in your will.

What was his financial situation before you got together? why didn't he have money to contribute to a deposit?

Have you ring fenced your deposit?