Next doors screaming children

[Viralsunflower]

NC for this.

Next door have two very loud children. They've been very loud for a couple of years and there was a lot of night waking that would result in hours of crying. They've done a lot of renovations and taken out a lot of their soundproofing so we can hear all of it. I didn't say anything to them as the kids were still so small.

There is also a lot of other household noise from them that we hear a LOT of. I occasionally book weekend breaks in remote places purely to escape their noise but it's hard to do that nowadays, and it's costly!

Their children are now approx 4 and 3 and share the room that backs on to ours. They shout at each other in the night, and start having screaming matches. I get woken up every day by them screaming, hours before I am woken by my own family. The youngest screams basically all day.

We have actually looked at moving purely because of noise from their children but can't afford it.

Should we say something? DH is equally annoyed by it. We WFH sometimes and you can hear them all day. It is mainly the night time that is an issue, though. The other day they were awake at 4, and subsequently , so was I. It isn't a one off. Last night the children were awake at 4.30am and arguing over something, that escalated in to shouting and screaming. It went on for a long time. I nearly started banging the wall in a sleep rage but didn't.

🤯 responses like this are just insane.

The thing is, if the neighbours are making that much noise in their house, are they even able to hear noise from OP's house? I doubt it, which is why it might help if OP went round to talk about the noise.

The neighbour kids can bloody go downstairs if they are up that early, no need to disturb op for hours on end in the early hours.

Thank you for all the replies, I've been at work so just caught up.

For all the folk chortling away at the idea of asking the parents to shut the kids up, and those being all 'Don't you think they are sick of it, too?!', I haven't seen the OP mention the sound of parents going in to the room to tell the kids to be quiet, unless I missed it somewhere, (happy to be corrected) in which case they either don't know or don't care. Whichever it is, OP needs to tell them.

In response to this, I can actually hear the parents during the day sometimes. I can never hear them at night although I have given them the benefit of the doubt that they could be tired and talking quietly. When they're outside having their screaming matches, they are often unsupervised.

I think I'm going to have to say something to them. I never did before because of the age of the children and I totally get it - colic, learning to sleep alone, night terrors, all sorts of things. After a few years I'd hope it would iron out. I'd also have assumed they'd be in separate bedrooms, given that there is a spare, as they clearly wake each other. Just got to work out how to say it.

And I won't be making them biscuits. I don't have time to make them for my own family, let alone ones that make me very tired 😂

Definitely say something. They might not even know how much this is affecting you.

It doesn't sound like more than normal family noise at 4AM? FFS.

We all know for a fact you wouldn't be receiving these responses if you were talking about a barking dog at 4AM most mornings. Then it would be all "raise hell with them," "completely unreasonable," but if it's kids making the noise, it's "normal, family noise," and you "just have to tolerate it as part of living in a terrace."

Honestly, just reading some of these fucking replies is making me cringe. Yes, living in a terrace will mean you hear some noise and they will also hear noise. It is give and take. However, excessive noise in the early hours regularly to the point where you're woken up at 4AM most days isn't normal and isn't part of the give and take of living in a terraced house.

I know it's hilarious that parents are being asked to parent.

I could have written this. Our neighbours are a bloody nightmare. Screaming 3 year old and a screaming 1 year old. We tried to move and our sale fell through. They are ruining our peace and giving me anxiety in my own home.

I tried raising it and the mother (who's weird) has just been even more bloody awkward with me since. No apology. She almost revels in screaming at them at 2am when they're screaming - definitely doesn't try to keep the noise down.

They also leave their bins out front which winds me up!

I’m so sorry this is happening

My daughter has been a screamer from day 1 and although is much better now I would die from embarrassment if anyone knocked on my door. As it is I struggle to make eye contact with our neighbours and I’ve apologised for the noise in a joking way a few times ( not joking but not sure how else to do it). No one is happy about the screaming including our poor newborn or the actual screamer who doesn’t seem too happy when she’s actually screaming.

For what it’s worth I actively parent and have researched beyond reason what to do about it. I’ve been able to reduce it ( or not and the screamer has just taken to screaming less, hard to say) but not eliminate it. She doesn’t however scream in the night that would be next level horrendous.

wishing you all luck!

This.

I've also got nightmare neighbours who are below my flat with two small children. They never take the kids out anywhere for more than an hour and leave them to literally thud and stomp around all day disturbing the whole building from 7am onwards even at weekends. A little bit of this I would expect and deal with, but it's all they do - there's no quiet activities like reading, painting, baking, puzzles, lego etc just totally passive permissive parenting. I can not wait to move out.

Well they could put the children in separate rooms for a start-they have the room after all
Then they could actively parent their children
After that they could pop round to @Viralsunflower and acknowledge that their children are extremely loud and apologise
So definitely not what @Daisybuttercup12345 & @Merseymum992 think

Well, the kids are very young, get a detached house somewhere where you can afford one.

We have 13 year olds screaming outside at night through the summer holidays. There is always some noise when living next to people.

I think a lot of the PP's on this thread are proving that they are not good neighbours or indeed, parents!

It is one thing if a child is having night terrors/meltdowns or something that is beyond the parent's control-but this isn't the case here. They're waking up at 4AM and having screaming and shouting arguments with each other.

This can be stopped by the parents, or the parents can remove them from their room and take them downstairs when this happens. I know-shocking that they'd be expected to actually parent their own children.

The parents could reinstall the soundproofing that they removed during renovations. They could switch the rooms so that it's not adjacent to the OP's and doesn't cause her disruption.

It's almost as if there is absolutely things that can be done to prevent their children causing massive disruption to their neighbours. Not just throw their hands up and say, "Oh, they're kids, what are you gonna do?"

It's just lazy as fuck. I'd hate to live beside any of the PP's who think that kids waking up at 4AM and having screaming arguments with each other counts as normal, family noise and that everyone around them should just have to endure it because, well, didn't you know that the parents have to?

OP- have a word with your neighbours. Don't do it at half 4 because chances are, anything you say will get ignored and you'll just get a pissy response. Go over during the day when they have a bit of time and just explain the situation to them. They may be unaware of the disturbance it's causing you. It's not always obvious how much neighbours can hear so they may not know it's waking you up on a regular basis.

Be polite, but firm. Mention that the issue started when they removed some of the soundproofing between your houses-that may give them a hint what they need to do.

And to the PP's who think this is just part and parcel of living beside people-no, it's not. Most people-the ones who are considerate of others-take efforts to limit their noise and disruption on others. There's noise that can't be helped-and that's part of the give and take. Then there's noise that can be helped but is not being helped.

No, the OP shouldn't have to move to some remote field just because she doesn't want to be woken up at 4AM every morning by the dulcet tones of screaming kids arguing with each other. Anyone who thinks this noise is reasonable and normal is a nightmare neighbour.

Of course……. this is the only logical answer hahahahah
idiot

Absolutely this 👏🏼
Children need socialising by parents and part of this, if you live in close proximity to others, is teaching them how to behave in a way which is considerate and respectful of those around them. Two and three year olds can be taught not to scream, run and thud around indoors etc. This does involve actively parenting though and not thinking everyone else should just suck up your problems. If you can't be bothered to do this then it's you who should be moving to a detached house in a field.

You could try asking them to be quiet, but realistically they will either be at the end of their tether trying to stop them already (they may be intervening every time they scream, you probably wouldn’t hear them calmly talking to them), or they don’t see a problem with all the noise.

Either way, knowing that you can hear them isn’t likely to make much difference.

Could you soundproof your bedroom at all?

I’m glad you wrote this, we have a similar issue.

With smaller kids it’s difficult, I do wonder if have no idea neighbours can hear. You could start with mentioning you “I have heard the children lately in the night is everything ok?” They may have no idea you can hear and just put their head under their duvet. For kids to regularly be wide awake at this time of night it may point to a SEN issue, if this is the case when they start school it maybe flagged.

Our neighbours (we are mid terrace, one side normal, other side noisy). They also stripped back and went laminate floor, metal blinds, shiny leather sofa (hard not soft and cosy type). All opened up and we hear everything, even their general / private conversations (I put our radio or tv on). Their kids (now 20’s) have their friends over and swearing is commonplace like their parents. It’s their house so they can do what they want I understand this, but we don’t really want to hear what they think of each other at Sunday lunch at the table (think of f and c words). Drum kit use at 9pm at night in the bedroom next to our kids, smoking weed next to our house and dog constantly barking.

I did try to approach the subject gently but got given a short answer. We have looked to soundproof but is a few thousand, cheaper than the stamp duty alone of a new house of £20k plus everything else. I have to admit we have banged on the wall in desperation once, we have been at our wits end. No doubt we have been painted the bad people.

I don’t mind neighbours being louder than us, I just wish everyone could try to be a bit more considerate to others and less of the anti social element.

This! Thank goodness there are normal people around!

Did you get any help I have new neighbors who's young child not baby has been screaming since 3am now gone 6am and mother has not gone into sort it out once . I am worried because they moved in less than half a day ago and kids so far have tried pulling neighbors new plants out ,then on to next house kicking all shingle off their garden then picking loads off flowers off my plants and mother did not even blink an eye yet al9ne no they was out by themselves. I don't no how to help