Next doors screaming children

[Viralsunflower]

NC for this.

Next door have two very loud children. They've been very loud for a couple of years and there was a lot of night waking that would result in hours of crying. They've done a lot of renovations and taken out a lot of their soundproofing so we can hear all of it. I didn't say anything to them as the kids were still so small.

There is also a lot of other household noise from them that we hear a LOT of. I occasionally book weekend breaks in remote places purely to escape their noise but it's hard to do that nowadays, and it's costly!

Their children are now approx 4 and 3 and share the room that backs on to ours. They shout at each other in the night, and start having screaming matches. I get woken up every day by them screaming, hours before I am woken by my own family. The youngest screams basically all day.

We have actually looked at moving purely because of noise from their children but can't afford it.

Should we say something? DH is equally annoyed by it. We WFH sometimes and you can hear them all day. It is mainly the night time that is an issue, though. The other day they were awake at 4, and subsequently , so was I. It isn't a one off. Last night the children were awake at 4.30am and arguing over something, that escalated in to shouting and screaming. It went on for a long time. I nearly started banging the wall in a sleep rage but didn't.

They may have no idea that the noise is travelling through to you, so I'd go round and say politely that it's really disturbing your sleep and is it possible for them to move the beds away from the wall.

If it carries on after you've said something, then moving is your only option.

To me, the following seems reasonable:

'Hi. I hope you don't mind me popping round but we're hearing a lot of noise from your house. I know the walls are really thin and you can probably hear us a lot too, but we keep being woken up at 4 a.m by your children screaming. I really don't like to bringing it up, but it's waking us up all the time and us really disruptive. Please can you tell them not to, or maybe move them to another room?'

This being Mumsnet, I'm sure someone will say it's a terrible thing to say as it will put more pressure on the parents etc etc, but tbh, their inability to control their children and the subsequent stress (if any - there's a good chance they aren't bothered) of that is their issue and shouldn't impinge on the well-being of others. They need to move the kids or teach them to be quiet.

🤣

because everyone has spare bedrooms on the other side of the house

😂brilliant!

You need to tell them. There is a chance they they don’t realise that you can hear the noise to such an extend. It is unacceptable to be woken by screaming at 4am on a regular basis. I think you have been far more tolerant than many people, including me.

My neighbours have four kids of various ages - youngest is about three I think, oldest about 11 - and they have always been extremely noisy. All screamers. When we first moved in, they were very keen on doing high pitched, sudden shrieks just for their own amusement. All four of them run around non-stop on wooden floors and regularly seem to shake a cupboard or a bookcase or something in their lounge that makes the whole wall shake. And they don't seem to have a normal bedtime - we can regularly hear the younger ones still running round, playing and screaming up to midnight. They also wind their dog up and he gets agitated when they shut him in another room, so we hear him yelping and scratching. So far, once we're in bed the noise hasn't been too bad - until this week, when we've heard one of the younger ones yelling and screaming and then being told off in the early hours of the morning several times. I haven't thumped on the wall yet, but it's imminent. My neighbours aren't unpleasant people, just a bit thick and on the lazy side, and I don't have any concerns over the kids' welfare, but my god, they can make a noise.

I can only sympathise, OP - it's certainly possible that your neighbours don't really realise quite how much the noise carries. They might also think that if they can hear your kids or your telly, it doesn't matter if you can hear theirs, but I assume yours are not screamers so it's a different kettle of fish!

OP ignore all the “well you make noise too” and “this is what you get if you live in a terrace” type comments. That is fair enough during day time hours but absolutely unacceptable during the night

You were kind enough when the kids were younger but that’s not the case now and you would not unreasonable to mention the screaming during the night and how much it is impacting you. Their response will be very telling on whether this will be an ongoing thing or not

genuine question...what difference do you think, banging on the wall, will make?

my neighbour used to bang on the wall. it used to escalate the screaming

what would you do? and how do you think it would get the kids to be quiet?

It might give the neighbour some urgency to try and calm the kids down, if OP told them about being disturbed in the night. They might not realise, and might just be letting the kids run out of steam. It's not ok for them to disturb their neighbours like this!

I don't understand why anyone thinks simply asking the neighbors to get their kids to stop screaming at 4.30 am would possibly work.

Do you think they want their kids screaming at that time and to not be getting any sleep themselves?

I sympathize, I really do as I have neighbors that have bloody loud music and gaming throughout the night randomly but I have white noise playing in the background and ear plugs.

I have a friend who has noisy children next door. They’re now in their teens so the outside playing/screaming has stopped. It’s now all in the house from very early to very late. The dad also continuously tells them to be quiet/shouts at them in his massive booming voice which she says is actually worse.
The weird thing is I know the mum and she’s always trying to pass her kids onto other people or get away from them. Not modifying their behaviour.

The OP doesn’t know what they have tried and quite frankly it’s not for her to resolve.

She didn’t only describe nighttime screaming but also excessive screaming during the day (the child standing outside screaming). She also also mentioned that the neighbours had removed most of the sound proofing. The latter might be the the obvious thing to address if the children cannot be calmed.

For all the folk chortling away at the idea of asking the parents to shut the kids up, and those being all 'Don't you think they are sick of it, too?!', I haven't seen the OP mention the sound of parents going in to the room to tell the kids to be quiet, unless I missed it somewhere, (happy to be corrected) in which case they either don't know or don't care. Whichever it is, OP needs to tell them.

I don't know what makes you think we are chortling. I'm just being realistic. As the owner of a child that used to scream through the night.

I tried everything, screaming, soothing, threatening, bribing, distracting, talking, endless activities, therapies, anxiety/sleep apps, projector lights, aromatherapy, white noise etc etc etc. sometimes, leaving alone is the quickest way to get them to quieten down

As others have said, the OP hasn’t mentioned hearing any effort by the neighbours to stop the noise. I’m another that would tackle it in the moment, ringing their doorbell at 4:30am in my dressing gown and pleading for them to parent.

no I mean, you said that OP is far more tolerant than you would be. suggesting you would take action....I'm asking what you would do, that is less tolerant

I completely sympathise with you OP. I type this as I sit listening to my neighbour's children screaming and banging. We're semi detached and understand that some noise is expected, but before we moved here we lived in flats with neighbours above, below and either side and the noise was nowhere near as bad as it is now! Our neighbour's apparently believe in a completely hands off approach to parenting. The children are aged around 6, 4 and 2 and bed time is seemingly whatever time they choose for themselves. We listen to them screaming, fighting and kicking holes out of the walls 24/7 - no time of day is off limits! I don't doubt that this is partially down to them being extremely over tired. When they do play this usually involves, again, kicking holes out of the walls or throwing themselves from a great height which actually causes the furniture in my living room to shake. The children's room shares a wall with ours so we listen to them screaming and fighting through the night too.

The parent's seem to not worry about their children's behaviour at all. To the point where they actually invite a family that they're extremely friendly with from across the road over most nights, and have them and their children sat their until midnight (including week nights) and then spend an hour saying goodbye to them in the street whilst their children run up and down it. I dread the summer holidays as I work from home and they never, ever seem to go out, so it's 6 weeks of hell!

Our only hope is that they move. The family who they're friendly with are moving - their house went up for let last week - so we're hoping they follow, or at least the night time noise dies down a bit. We own, whereas they rent and have three children sharing one room, so hopefully they won't be here forever as we can't up and move as easily as they can. We don't currently have any children but they put me off planning for them as I don't know how I would ever get a baby to settle in here with the constant noise they make.

I would have certainly knocked on their door already and addressed the issue without even thinking about it twice

sometimes the quickest way for the screaming to end, is to leave them alone

I wouldn't have answered my door to you at 430am in the middle of a child meltdown/night terror

You aren't the OPs neighbour, though, are you? Just because you did these things, it doesn't mean they have. There's no mention of any sort of parental input at all in the OP's case.

and do you think that would improve the situation (rhetorical question, it wouldn't in any way shape or form)

why would OP be aware of 'parental input', she wouldn't

They could move the kids to another room. The issue here is not about trying to improve the situation for the parents, it's about improving the situation for the OP.