Next doors screaming children

[Viralsunflower]

NC for this.

Next door have two very loud children. They've been very loud for a couple of years and there was a lot of night waking that would result in hours of crying. They've done a lot of renovations and taken out a lot of their soundproofing so we can hear all of it. I didn't say anything to them as the kids were still so small.

There is also a lot of other household noise from them that we hear a LOT of. I occasionally book weekend breaks in remote places purely to escape their noise but it's hard to do that nowadays, and it's costly!

Their children are now approx 4 and 3 and share the room that backs on to ours. They shout at each other in the night, and start having screaming matches. I get woken up every day by them screaming, hours before I am woken by my own family. The youngest screams basically all day.

We have actually looked at moving purely because of noise from their children but can't afford it.

Should we say something? DH is equally annoyed by it. We WFH sometimes and you can hear them all day. It is mainly the night time that is an issue, though. The other day they were awake at 4, and subsequently , so was I. It isn't a one off. Last night the children were awake at 4.30am and arguing over something, that escalated in to shouting and screaming. It went on for a long time. I nearly started banging the wall in a sleep rage but didn't.

It might certainly make them consider different approaches if they have not considered some. It’s not fair on the OP or her family to be woken every night.

But it's not ending is it? Whether the door gets answered or not I'd be going round to make it clear I'm not happy with it.

OP could sleep in the sitting room then?

Why on earth should she? I've heard it all now.

The walls are thin. She would hear the murmur of adult voices or, if the kids were yelling outside, would hear the parent speak to them.

I don't live in a terrace, but I can clearly hear my neighbour speak to her children when they are in the garden. Pretty sure the OP would hear some sort of parenting. Happy to be corrected, of course.

OP has stated there is another bedroom the kids could be moved to.

because YOU said it was about improving the situation for the OP. if it's really about that, that's a solution

ime (actual experience of a kid that screams through the night) the parents are NOT just oblivious/not caring, unless they have substance abuse or mental health issues. no amount of pressure from neighbours can magically resolve their child's issues

@MentholLoad is having a nice time. It's more entertaining for them than whatever it is they are meant to be doing this morning. 😀

We're not interested in the children's issues. The OP wants them to shut up. That's the issue.

parental input 1) isn't always verbal and 2) isn't always in the moment....often ISNT in the both of these things, when it is a meltdown

well, she can't! that is the issue

Or 3) doesn't happen at all.

ok, carry on with your useless advice. YY OP bang on the walls, knock on the door at 4am, ask your neighbour to stop her children screaming, crack on 👍

The “what difference would knocking make?” thing… it could potentially make loads of difference. They might genuinely be unaware of the how much they can be heard next door. They might be shamed into doing something about it. They might consider the affect their kids shit screaming has on others.
or, they might be tossers who DGAF. Either way, still worth a knock

And the OP isn’t describing night terrors or meltdowns FFS. She’s describing kids arguing and messing around.

I'd say something, if they are going to be up screaming and shouting at each other at 4 o'clock the least the parents can do is take them downstairs

I think children of 3 & 4 can be told to be quiet until the bunny opens its eyes on the alarm clock or whatever. But this is definitely a good age for trying the Bogeyman trick. And if that doesn’t work, speak to the parents.

I lived in a flat when I had DD1 and one of the flat sharers above me came down to ask if I could keep her quiet at night (she was a newborn and a terrible sleeper). I pointed out that she really only woke up and cried when his flat mate came in in the small hours, thundered across the wooden floor in his shoes, put on Take That at full volume and proceeded to dance in the sitting room. He left saying “I’ll have a word…”

@MentholLoad Did you apologise to your to your neighbours at all? You are responsible for keeping your children from pissing other people off; not an easy task but a necessary one.
@Viralsunflower I would make your neighbours aware. They may not realise their own noise levels. When you live in it, you don’t often realise just how loud you are.

You need to speak to them. No need for confrontation. We went round to next door but one because their youngest screamed literally all day, it was totally impossible to sit outside. She wasn’t ‘play’ screaming, her older sister was imposing ridiculous rules on games and little one got upset but it was constant. Parents completely ignored the dc who were left outside all the time. As someone at the time said, kids grow up, thank god. They took her inside when we complained. The screaming continued indoors, according to the attached neighbour between us. 😢

I also live in a terrace house with very thin walls, I'm very aware we can hear everything and they can too. I had an op a week ago. I have been kept awake all week by their toddlers high pitched screaming day and night along with their drum practice and arguing about why won't the other do something to shut their son up. I saw my neighbour yesterday and asked after the child's health. Apparently it's a sleep regression. I apologised for my dogs barking for their walk every day. Told them about how I'm struggling to recover as I can't sleep. Today there has been no screaming and no drumming

There isn't really anything you can do. Wear earplugs to bed, has stopped me being woken at 5am by the kid next door but she has autism bless her. I've learned to not even notice it except first thing in the morning it was waking me so now use the earplugs.

I apologised on multiple occasions, explained the issues and what I was doing to try an resolve it. I stopped doing that after they sent a snotty message and started banging on the walls. they were the most disruptive, noisy and inconsiderate neighbours I have ever had. but they had no regard for any of that because it wasn't 'after hours'. Neighbour on otherside was far more understanding. she was older and wiser

my child grew out of the screaming, but it got to the point that I reported myself to social services. horrid neighbours have moved. life is better

Sounds like at the very least they could put their kids in separate rooms. as you’ve said they have one free.

❤️ thank you for being understanding

When children are babies, some leeway is obviously required, however there comes a point where behaviour standards have to be applied or the child will have no chance of being able to deal with school, work, wider society etc. to their massive detriment
Bored of the professional martyr attitude from parents and a prevailing attitude that your problem has to be everyone elses. Obviously truly autistic children have their own unique coping strategies but too often nowadays being supposedly on the ASD is used as an excuse for poor parenting and an reason to claim benefits. Cue outrage but tbh I am sick of the selfish attitudes of a lot of parents nowadays and the type of teenagers these badly parented children grow up to be

YABU for not speaking to them before now.

Yes you should say something.