Next doors screaming children

[Viralsunflower]

NC for this.

Next door have two very loud children. They've been very loud for a couple of years and there was a lot of night waking that would result in hours of crying. They've done a lot of renovations and taken out a lot of their soundproofing so we can hear all of it. I didn't say anything to them as the kids were still so small.

There is also a lot of other household noise from them that we hear a LOT of. I occasionally book weekend breaks in remote places purely to escape their noise but it's hard to do that nowadays, and it's costly!

Their children are now approx 4 and 3 and share the room that backs on to ours. They shout at each other in the night, and start having screaming matches. I get woken up every day by them screaming, hours before I am woken by my own family. The youngest screams basically all day.

We have actually looked at moving purely because of noise from their children but can't afford it.

Should we say something? DH is equally annoyed by it. We WFH sometimes and you can hear them all day. It is mainly the night time that is an issue, though. The other day they were awake at 4, and subsequently , so was I. It isn't a one off. Last night the children were awake at 4.30am and arguing over something, that escalated in to shouting and screaming. It went on for a long time. I nearly started banging the wall in a sleep rage but didn't.

Just remember if you can hear them they can hear you too. I’d make sure your own household noise was at a minimum before you broached this. If you share walls with neighbours then you need to tolerate each others noises.

You could raise it from the angle of "the children sounded very upset at 4am, is everything okay?" and take it from there. I would also look at what you could do from your side of the wall as that's the side you've got more say-so over. Could you put your wardrobes against that wall to muffle some of the sound carrying? White noise machine? Ear plugs?

On the plus side, 4yr old should be starting school on September and emotional development/control tends to jump forwards then so the screaming from him/her might settle down a lot in the new few weeks.

And I say that as someone who tolerates loud music and constant stomping and shouting from my upstairs neighbours. But they tolerate my ASD child’s meltdowns and teen DDs highly giggly sleepover noises. It’s give and take.

Could you move bedrooms? You could ask them politely to swap rooms with their DC, but they could refuse.

Not really. All that would happen is one of my children would be woken by the noise instead of us. Even my daughter has started asking why there's screaming sounds all the time.

On the plus side, 4yr old should be starting school on September and emotional development/control tends to jump forwards then so the screaming from him/her might settle down a lot in the new few weeks.

Unfortunately they are just short of 4 and won't be starting until next year, I am pretty sure of that anyway. Think they were born about a week past the cut off. I did think when they start school maybe they'll quieten down...but the other one might not.

Just remember if you can hear them they can hear you too. I’d make sure your own household noise was at a minimum before you broached this. If you share walls with neighbours then you need to tolerate each others noises.

This is one of the reasons I haven't said anything. We aren't a noisy household but we aren't perfect. My daughter will play loudly with her Dad sometimes, usually after school and not for ages. My dog barks occasionally although this is in response to their dog barking for about 30 mins straight, ours might bark at the end and not every time, I tell him to stop and he does (I try to leave music on to cover the sound of their dog up). However our sound is all within sensible hours. If there's ever going go be a predictably tricky day e.g. if we are having any work done then I let them know. I have been worried about every little sound being criticised if I raise it.

This.
Nighttime is for rest, not for making noise. I would be banging on the wall, and yes, talking to them as well. Every single time.

Could they be unaware of how much you hear? I'd definitely ask if everything is okay because you heard the children and it will, hopefully, make them realise how much you can hear and take some steps to mitigate it.

Ive lived in a terrace before and you can hear everything! My neighbour shagging his girlfriend 🙉 was the pits

Maybe the kids have additional needs. When you live in a terrace this is the kind of thing you deal with. If it isn't noisy kids it's a barking dog or a deaf older neighbour that has the TV on so loud you can hear their programmes word for word. Surely the parents would like their own kids to scream less as well, telling them their kids scream is pointless.

When you live in a terrace this is the kind of thing you deal with

The deaf neighbour watching TV wouldn't bother me as much. We had that when we lived in our old place. He was a sweet man and it was always reasonable hours. In this house, we have the barking dog, and get woken up at approx 4am most days.

I've looked at moving in to a detached or a semi but in our area the price of homes is utterly ridiculous even if you buy a doer upper (the average detached would be around 500k starting price and they are usually houses that need a lot of work, I looked at one that was 400k the other day and it needed a complete redo in every aspect including installing central heating). We have also mentioned moving to a bungalow when we do have to move, because of my arthritis, and that adds an extra 100k minimum.

Slip it into a friendly conversation somehow? Is the 4 year old about to start school? Perhaps that will tire them out and there might be a change?

Quite we live in a,row of three houses I frequently hear my neighbours three kids playing loudly and her loud arguments ( always outside for some reason) with her on/ off partner ,but then they have to.tolerate my severely autistic non verbal.son screaming ( not in distress just enjoy screaming)loudly and frequently its swings and roundabouts.

I would bang on the wall and shout “This is the Bogeyman! I eat noisy children! If you don’t shut up I’ll come down the chimney and GOBBLE YOU UP!”

Some people are considerate towards their neighbours though and try and be mindful of noise. Perhaps a wild concept to those who don't care!

the walls are thin between me and my neighbor and we can hear just normal conversations, sneezing, coughing ect… thier kid wakes in the night, we hear it, it’s annoying but they can’t help that the walls are thin. They can probably hear everything that we do. So either move or put up with it it doesn’t sound like the noise is actually anything other than normal family household noise. My kids scream and fight sometimes 🤷🏻‍♀️, that’s kids for you.

You won't achieve anything by banging on the wall other than looking like an ah. The parents won't want to hear screaming all night either but what can you do? I would move the bed away from the wall and wear earphones. V annoying but the parents can't force their kids to be quiet and if they could I'm sure they would have before now.

I had neighbours bang on my wall when my baby would scream at night. She was in and out of hospital with digestive issues and allergies and cried a lot due to this. It's not like I heard the banging and thought 'oh I should probably make my baby stop screaming although I am really enjoying it.'

My solution would be to look into soundproofing on your end, moving stuff around and earplugs as mentioned. Possibly white noise.

Do you have a relationship with the family? Do they ever mention it?

I would be knocking on the door at 04:30 and asking them to stop the children screaming.

This^
Believe me there is no quicker way to get someone to realise how much they are disturbing others than to stand there looking bleary eyed in you pyjamas telling them their noise has woken you up. DH once did this years ago!

It's all well and good saying you have to tolerate your neighbours noise in a terrace, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to be considerate. Terraces don't have to be extra noisy and a nightmare for noise. People just don't care, which is shit.

Right and then what?
If you have two screaming pre schoolers I imagine you would be very aware of it and trying to.calm them down how do.you imagine knocking on their door will.help.,shutting the kids up.,what do.you suggest the parents do?

you think that if they could stop the kids screaming in the night, they wouldn't have done so already?

💐

But if they cared AND could do something about it they would already have done it. The OP is wasting her breath asking them. Everyone who lives in a terrace knows that noise travels. The neighbour isn't going to act shocked and surprised.

Have you ever baked the family some biscuits?

Why on earth would she do that?

I'd be knocking on the door at 4.30am too.

you think that if they could stop the kids screaming in the night, they wouldn't have done so already?

But once they're made aware how much their family is disturbing other peoples sleep they could move the children's bedroom?