To think British maternity care must be among the worst in the developed world?

[ForestGoblin]

Nurses refusing to watch newborns when a mum needs to poo??? Nurses have got a professional and legal obligation to support patients to receive adequate personal care (not being compelled to poo yourself has got to be rung one of meeting that obligation).

Friends who have given birth in Ireland, france, south Korea, Switzerland were all given support to sleep, recover, be recognised as an injured person in need of recovery time.

British nurses trick new mothers into thinking they can't leave their babies for a minute on a bloody hospital ward (even when they've got numb legs).

Rise up, damnit!

My DP is blind. When I had my DS2 I had to attempt to guide him to the toilet and got told off for taking the baby. What was I supposed to do? No offers of assistance and this was around 12 hours after an EMCS. I appreciate the midwives are there to help the women not the men regardless of disability etc but they didn’t seem to realise that his disability meant I needed extra help.

I was also left with no painkillers for hours on end despite asking for them. It was only when the midwife who had been with me during labour came back on duty that I got the painkillers given and the painful cannula out.

And don’t get me started on the midwife who told me I should be breastfeeding for a minimum of 30 mins at a time on each side, both sides for each feed. So glad that this was with my second not my first so I knew to ignore her.

I'd love to agree with you, genuinely. But when I had DD2, there was a woman on the ward brought up in the late evening who had had a c section. I'm not sure what was wrong but she was vomiting repeatedly, plus she felt very faint, and couldn't get out of bed. Her husband was sent home very soon after because of the time. This poor woman couldn't get up to pick up her crying baby, and in fact had been told by the midwife not to hold the baby because she was too woozy - literally told not to hold the baby alone, and then half an hour later the husband is sent home. So the baby was left, no one responded to the call button. She then threw up all over herself and the bed (couldn't reach the sick bowl), and had to sit covered in sick with a crying baby she couldn't tend to. She was distraught.
I'm sure the midwives got to her as soon as they could, and they sorted the bedding and fed the baby. But it was cruel, not just to her but to the hours old baby who was left with someone who couldn't care for it, couldn't feed it, couldn't cuddle it.

Of course staffing levels should be better. But that's not going to happen anytime soon and no way should that woman and baby have been left alone.

I left my baby to go to the toilet. Was I not meant to? He was in the crib he wasn't going anywhere

It also pushed me to the edge of sanity with my first who I had to stay in with for a while. With my second I was out as quick as possible. Within a few hours. No way was I going through that again.

it sounds like we went to the same hospital.

I specifically recall two nasty young midwives calling me a princess whilst having what I now know as a sort of postpartum breakdown.

Bullying was horrific and the only normal people were the odd lovely midwife and the doctors.

My mw accused me of having a lack of dignity because I breastfed topless in that first week - and as they had a curtains open policy the male partners were ‘offended’. In my experience the nurses and midwives were both awful. The volunteers, cleaners, and healthcare assistants were more caring.

It's so sad reading all these awful experiences. My children are 37 and 38 years old, and the two births were very different in terms of care. Both were under the NHS. The first was born in a small London hospital, and the care was excellent from everyone, apart from one nurse. The second was born in a very large northern hospital, and the care was practically non existent, from the moment I went in. Luckily, I was transferred to a specialist maternity hospital for the rest of my stay (it was common practice for new mothers to stay in hospital for 5 days, which was fine as long as the right support was in place).Some of the stories written by PP's are very similar, although I didn't have any horrendous medical problems to contend with. And also, to be fair to nursing staff, I don't think we had the expectation that our babies would be watched over if we weren't there for a while. My DD and DDil had fairly good care in recent years, but there is a need for improvement which clearly hasn't happened since my two were born.

Oh and I got refused painkillers just before discharge for the journey home, an extra long journey because my nearest hospital with full so I had to go to one further away. Which then had no gas and air. And had to beg for an epidural which then failed, probably as too late. So much of this I just accepted but reading this thread has made me realise how poor the care is across the country.

How DARE you!!!!!!!!

My point was that if we don’t have to call you for other simple things that can be dealt with by partners, your time would be freed up to do other medical checks.

As for pain relief, don’t worry I know not to depend on staff for that this time so i’ll be bringing my own!

I had a cat 1 EMCS ar 7.30pm (after the hosptial admittedly fucked up my induction). It’s all very well you saying it’s ok for men not to be there at night as they are there in the day, but what about us women who give birth at night??????

My husband was sent home less than 2 hours after my c section. I was then left pretty much alone the whole night. It was horrific, everything including water was left out of my reach. I had zero help from staff. This is just the tip of the iceberg and i now have PTSD, and am under a lot of specialist care for my second pregnancy as i’m so terrified of going back in. So if you think my neglectful care and PTSD was worth you avoiding some farts, shame on you.

I got told off (actually told off like a child) when I dashed to the loo just outside the ward doors. I was going to piss myself if I didn't go. You couldn't get a crib into the loo so I have no idea what I was supposed to do?

My best friend is a community midwife which also deals in investigating complaints. She said the no.1 cause of complaint is ‘midwife attitude’, such as midwives not believing women how far along they are in labour. I also believe you as my close friend was told by midwives that her pain threshold was low, when it turned out to be a raging infection after her c section. They just gaslight women.

My two are still nursery age, and I gave birth in a midlands hospital. Most of my mum friends had a horrific experience with their care, lots with PPD. I suffered serious complications because of their lack of care, sued them and they admitted fault. Every night they were understaffed, with student midwives doing their best to try to do most of the care. It’s disgusting.

I don’t want “lots of freedom”, I want the gynaecologist to be clear, decisive and empathetic - she’s the one with years if not decades of experience. I know
the square root of fuck all about labour, why should I be making decisions?

So I’m with Ukrainian hospitals on this - the doctor’s word should be final.

We hear of maternity scandals every year bc and we hardly bat an eyelid now. So many dead babies and traumatised mothers due to these women. Please don’t blame the patriarchy, these are women choosing to bully other vulnerable women.

I actually think the majority of midwives are just psychopaths who like abusing women. I’ve had four kids. If I’d met so many cruel, incompetent and stupid people in any other profession I’d give it a wide berth. Midwife in my first labour lost her job for how badly she fucked up and her idiotic attempts to cover it up. Not even clever enough to doctor her notes right. Last birth was during the pandemic. They had a field day without any husbands there to ensure dignity. Thank god it wasn’t my first baby. I assume everyone in my bay had ptsd from how awfully they were treated while listening to the midwives discussing which free Uber eats to get because they were getting offers due to being ‘nhs heroes’. I was ambulance returned to hospital a day after discharge. Community midwife was disgusted I’d been discharged, but all I was told in hospital was being dramatic and drug seeking. Not in masses of pain from a c section gone wrong. Refused paracetamol as “you really shouldn’t need it now”. 24 hours after major surgery. Even typing this has made my blood pressure go up.

@JenWillsiam

Yep.

Me too.

Totally agree with you that partners shouldn't have to substitute for hospital maternal care, and when your body is bruised and battered after giving birth, and leaking from all sides, you don't want strange men near you, but I equally don't accept "some dads refuse to do anything useful" - they are half of the parenting partnership. Women accepting that it all falls on them is part of the reason men are able to shrug their shoulders and walk away from these responsibilities.

Countries where family are not allowed to stay overnight over better maternity care because there isn’t an expectation for non-professionals to pick up the slack. In India for example nurses won’t even clean bed pans in some free hospitals - the mum or her family is expected to do it. Which is why maternal families who can afford it pay for childbirth as part of the dowry.

@Towdalinenow
Thank you I really appreciate that.

I do not blame the midwives at all as I’m sure they would have loved to have sat down and had cuddles with my baby whilst I went to the toilet but they just didn’t have time.

I definitely think more funding needs to be put in recruiting more staff, even if they’re not midwives, just to help lessen the burden on the other staff and to support the new mums.

Sounds like I am in the minority too, I had absolutely fantastic care pre and post birth. I was in hospital for nine days this May before my son was born and when he was delivered via emergency C-section after an induction, the midwives took and cared for him (feeding via cup when he wouldn’t latch and watching over him and changing him when he wouldn’t sleep so I could), all in the same room but it let me rest. I was desperate to go home after all that time so I was okay with them encouraging me to get up and move so quickly!

This news story about a woman with terrible birth injuries really shocked me this week:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-66451752

(Sorry if it's been mentioned already, I haven't had time to RTFT).

Poor woman - I imagine if she'd had proper care at the time of delivery, and failing that if she's been listened to later on, then she would never have been left with such extreme injuries.

However, I recently gave birth at an NHS hospital and was an in-patient for over a week, and the care I received was outstanding - so there is clearly a lot of inequality between hospitals.

They might not be interested in it, and neither may you be, but it certain would impact British people looking to access public services there or stay there for extended periods.

I’m sorry you went through it too. I was relieved to have my son safe at home with me, away from that crazy crazy place.

I don’t blame many of the midwives for becoming so bitter but this was another level. They actively enjoyed inflicting pain.

Sorry that last message was for @EvilElsa

It’s awful, and I refuse to believe it’s entirely down to staffing.

I was ignored when I went in to have my baby. Women reading magazines were taken through to a ward when I was fully in labour, I was left in a waiting room where I nearly delivered my baby by myself . Husband was told to stop pestering when he told staff I needed to be examined.

Midwives are horrible people using their control over women at their most vulnerable .