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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He makes noise constantly

110 replies

Minimeltdown · 17/08/2023 10:56

My husband won’t fucking shut up.

He’s either clearing his throat, doing this awful, gross hiccup/belch thing like an inward burp accompanied by a frog sound, coughing loudly, performance-sneezing to the point that it makes my ears ring, sniffing or stomping around. We have wooden floors upstairs and he makes the ceiling light shake with his clanging footsteps.

I don’t know if it’s always this bad, or if I’m just tetchy at the moment.

WIBU to tell him how much NOISE he makes constantly and that he needs to stop?

Or is it just involuntary and I need to cope with it?

(So as not to drip feed, I struggle with eating sounds in general/possible misphonia, but his eating doesn’t bother me that much)

OP posts:
ifyougochasingrabbits · 17/08/2023 18:22

It's like they are taking up space with noise

My H is like the OPs but not as bad. Like, ostentatious when yawning or sneezing, singing / humming loudly etc

ifyougochasingrabbits · 17/08/2023 18:26

Redavocadoes · 17/08/2023 13:53

Posts like this make me so glad I'm a late life lesbian. What is it with men that as they get older they have to make sure everyone knows they are there the whole time. It's a sound based version of manspreading. Ugh.

Yes! This

treeinthedistance · 17/08/2023 18:30

My DDad does this... he is the loudest man alive. We get
Honky nose-blowing
Dramatic coughing
Bellowing sneezes that nearly give us all a heart attack
Sniffing that can be heard from two rooms away
Awful wet sucking noises when he eats
High pitched whistling
Picking at his nails with an irritating clicking noise
All of which can be produced at any moment of the day, no matter if we might be at the dinner table, having lunch in a nice restaurant or whatever... it's as if he doesn't know how to sit quietly and still, and do nothing. Every moment of quiet has to be filled with something.

I love him but my God I wish I could find a volume dial! I have misophonia and have often wondered if my sensitivity to noise is because of childhood exposure. I don't think it occurs to him that other people might not want to hear his noises all the time.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 17/08/2023 18:48

Another victim signing in. In this house is stomping, stampeding up and down the stairs, moving his fucking wheely chair all over his home office (one day when we were both working from home he jumped out of his skin encountering me in the kitchen, said he hadn’t heard anything from my office all day and thought I’d gone out Hmm), complete inability to whisper when arguing at 4am outside the baby’s room how to settle him (“I AM WHISPERING WHAT DO YOU MEAN”), clears his throat relentlessly, performative sneezing (he adds a can-can kick that he allegedly cannot help), scrolling through his phone and chuckling then looking round waiting for someone to ask what’s amusing (I will die before I request to see someone’s hilarious internet), tapping his foot, the sniff-wipe move, the DRAMA of leaving the house with the HUFF and the PUFF of he cannot find his keys/coat/bag even in the 0.5 seconds of dashing into a room and huffing at it. Just slow down and LOOK but do it QUIETLY. Then bangs the door as he goes. Aaargh.

KarenKarenKarenKaren · 17/08/2023 18:51

I work with one of these. Very quiet small office and several times a day we have the 200 decibel orgasmic scream when he yawns. Literally jump out of my skin each time.

Redavocadoes · 17/08/2023 19:08

JustACountryMusicGirlInCowboyBoots · 17/08/2023 17:46

I'd be getting a divorce new patio.

🤣🤣

BibiBlocksberg · 17/08/2023 19:18

There’s a definite solidarity of recognition with these types of man noises imo

Especially the hot drink performances

On a particular slow day I have been known to sit down with my Cup of Coffee @ work & do the exaggerated ‘sluuuuurp, aaaaaaah’ with every sip

Intended for Comedy value but the instinctive immediate head swivels & death stares of virtually every women in the office are very telling :)

LylaLee · 17/08/2023 19:27

Stirring the sugar in a mug for about 8 minutes, tinkling the spoon as if it's an Enid Blyton style dinner-bell.

user76541055773 · 17/08/2023 19:35

Mine also seems to be turning slowly into Victor Meldrew as he ages. Performative anger, with much tutting and exclaiming until I ask what’s wrong.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/08/2023 19:42

Hibiscrubbed · 17/08/2023 17:05

“Can you hear yourself? You sound absolutely disgusting. Shut the fuck up.”

That oughta do it.

Sounds like my ex. He hated me - so much so, he tried to kill me.

By the time he finally fucked off to the OW, I was not allowed to speak, sneeze (I do quiet sneezes), breathe, smile, eat, drink or sleep without permission.

DepartureLounge · 17/08/2023 20:26

spitefulandbadgrammar · 17/08/2023 18:48

Another victim signing in. In this house is stomping, stampeding up and down the stairs, moving his fucking wheely chair all over his home office (one day when we were both working from home he jumped out of his skin encountering me in the kitchen, said he hadn’t heard anything from my office all day and thought I’d gone out Hmm), complete inability to whisper when arguing at 4am outside the baby’s room how to settle him (“I AM WHISPERING WHAT DO YOU MEAN”), clears his throat relentlessly, performative sneezing (he adds a can-can kick that he allegedly cannot help), scrolling through his phone and chuckling then looking round waiting for someone to ask what’s amusing (I will die before I request to see someone’s hilarious internet), tapping his foot, the sniff-wipe move, the DRAMA of leaving the house with the HUFF and the PUFF of he cannot find his keys/coat/bag even in the 0.5 seconds of dashing into a room and huffing at it. Just slow down and LOOK but do it QUIETLY. Then bangs the door as he goes. Aaargh.

Christ, I think you win tbh.

This:
performative sneezing (he adds a can-can kick that he allegedly cannot help)

and this:
scrolling through his phone and chuckling then looking round waiting for someone to ask what’s amusing

in particular are completely unacceptable.

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 17/08/2023 22:28

Ah what a wonderful thread Sometimes I hate these threads because everyone claims their 'ex' used to be like this, and never admits their current partner/DH is!

My DH is a PITA half the time because.......

He chatters incessantly much of the time, when I am trying to concentrate/watch something/read. So much so that I have to watch MY programmes when he is in bed/at work. I also do anything important that needs a lot of concentration when he's at work or in bed too. Because I can't concentrate when he's chatting. If I try to do something when he's in the room and I say 'please be quiet and don't talk to me while I do this...I should only be 10 minutes...' he starts sighing and fidgeting after about 30 seconds... And then after about TWO minutes he says 'can I talk yet?' Hmm He's like a toddler sometimes!

He sighs REALLY heavily for no apparent reason, and looks at me as if he is expecting me to ask 'what's up?' Also tuts, and says 'aaah, oh dear...!' when he's on his computer across the other side of the lounge. OR he bursts out laughing at something he's looking at on the computer. Basically attention seeking. I never ever respond, and ignore him when he does this. He also does the ridiculously loud MAN-sneezes. Looking for a reaction. He gets none. Oh and as with another poster, he blows his nose and it's just dry.

He's a bit of a hypochondriac too, and develops a new ailment every other month. When he runs out, he goes back to the first one! He's always got what I've got too... (on the rare occasion I have anything,) and it's always worse!

He also narrates every single thing he is doing, and when HE is watching a TV show and I am not watching it, he gives me a running commentary of what he's watching. I say (repeatedly,) 'WHY are you giving me a running commentary of what you're watching? Confused I'm not watching it. I'm not interested!' He pouts and says 'But I am interested....' and pulls a face like this >>>Sad He is SO wounded because I'm not stopping everything I'm doing and listening to his waffle.

He comes into the kitchen EVERY SINGLE DAY without fail when I'm cooking dinner, and just leans against the worktop, and expels a long puff of air. 'pfffffff......' I say 'what d'ya want?' He says 'Nothing I've just come in for a chat.' I think 'I don't WANT to chat. I am doing dinner - piss off! We can chat over dinner!!!' But I say (instead) 'actually can we just talk when we're having dinner?' and he says 'Oh I get it! Sod off and leave me alone annoying husband. I get the message, I'm annoying you.' Then he leaves. I'm like Confused So he KNOWS I get irked by him hanging around like a fart when I'm doing dinner, yet he does it EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I think this is the reason why a lot of women, particularly who've been married for many years to a man, can't stand him hanging around all day - and hate him being in the house all day every day... because men ALWAYS have to let you know they're there, they won't shut the fuck up chatting, and everything has to be centred around them and their needs.

Some women really struggled when the men were off work for 9-12 months during covid lockdown. And it's why a lot of women suffer depression when their husbands retire - and they're stuck hanging around the house. Because a lot of men don't go fishing and playing golf and playing darts and go to the pub with mates once they get to a certain age, (say past 50-52.) They hang around like a bad smell, and irritate and bug their wives. Attention seeking and whiny like toddlers.

They don't just sit and chill and do their own thing. They are attention seeking, they have to let everyone know they're there, they want to talk constantly on THEIR terms - and chat over what you are watching - (but God forbid you chat over their shows or the news or sport etc,) and their presence just takes over the whole house.

No I don't hate my husband, and we do get on well mostly, we have TV shows we watch together, have fun day trips and meals out, and afternoons out, and walks in the countryside and by the beach and by the river, and we like the same types of films and music, and we have a laugh some days!!! But after 37 years together - OMG he can fucking irritate me some days! And whilst he would love nothing more than to spend every waking moment with me for the rest of our lives. I NEED time away from him/need him out of the house!

Some people may say a MAN should be as entitled to be in his own house as much as the woman, but I disagree, because women don't make everything all about them much of time, and don't dominate the entire household with their presence, and demand attention all the time.

My DH was constantly away from the house/at work/with his mates when the kids were little/school age, and I looked after them 90% of the time, but once they left home and he hit 50, he suddenly stopped going out, and just sits watching the TV half his waking hours. Apart from his 28 hours a week at work, (four 7 hour shifts,) he never leaves the house. Never goes out without me, has no mates, and has no family except me and our 2 adult DC. So YEP, sometimes I get really frustrated with him. He is more than happy for me to go out without him, and I do a lot, but he NEVER goes out without me!

I don't know HOW I am gonna cope when he retires!! Shock

Oooooh, that was quite a tasty rant! Blush 😂

LadyoftheLavaLamp · 17/08/2023 22:31

You’ve got the Ick OP…

Courgeon · 18/08/2023 08:15

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 17/08/2023 22:28

Ah what a wonderful thread Sometimes I hate these threads because everyone claims their 'ex' used to be like this, and never admits their current partner/DH is!

My DH is a PITA half the time because.......

He chatters incessantly much of the time, when I am trying to concentrate/watch something/read. So much so that I have to watch MY programmes when he is in bed/at work. I also do anything important that needs a lot of concentration when he's at work or in bed too. Because I can't concentrate when he's chatting. If I try to do something when he's in the room and I say 'please be quiet and don't talk to me while I do this...I should only be 10 minutes...' he starts sighing and fidgeting after about 30 seconds... And then after about TWO minutes he says 'can I talk yet?' Hmm He's like a toddler sometimes!

He sighs REALLY heavily for no apparent reason, and looks at me as if he is expecting me to ask 'what's up?' Also tuts, and says 'aaah, oh dear...!' when he's on his computer across the other side of the lounge. OR he bursts out laughing at something he's looking at on the computer. Basically attention seeking. I never ever respond, and ignore him when he does this. He also does the ridiculously loud MAN-sneezes. Looking for a reaction. He gets none. Oh and as with another poster, he blows his nose and it's just dry.

He's a bit of a hypochondriac too, and develops a new ailment every other month. When he runs out, he goes back to the first one! He's always got what I've got too... (on the rare occasion I have anything,) and it's always worse!

He also narrates every single thing he is doing, and when HE is watching a TV show and I am not watching it, he gives me a running commentary of what he's watching. I say (repeatedly,) 'WHY are you giving me a running commentary of what you're watching? Confused I'm not watching it. I'm not interested!' He pouts and says 'But I am interested....' and pulls a face like this >>>Sad He is SO wounded because I'm not stopping everything I'm doing and listening to his waffle.

He comes into the kitchen EVERY SINGLE DAY without fail when I'm cooking dinner, and just leans against the worktop, and expels a long puff of air. 'pfffffff......' I say 'what d'ya want?' He says 'Nothing I've just come in for a chat.' I think 'I don't WANT to chat. I am doing dinner - piss off! We can chat over dinner!!!' But I say (instead) 'actually can we just talk when we're having dinner?' and he says 'Oh I get it! Sod off and leave me alone annoying husband. I get the message, I'm annoying you.' Then he leaves. I'm like Confused So he KNOWS I get irked by him hanging around like a fart when I'm doing dinner, yet he does it EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I think this is the reason why a lot of women, particularly who've been married for many years to a man, can't stand him hanging around all day - and hate him being in the house all day every day... because men ALWAYS have to let you know they're there, they won't shut the fuck up chatting, and everything has to be centred around them and their needs.

Some women really struggled when the men were off work for 9-12 months during covid lockdown. And it's why a lot of women suffer depression when their husbands retire - and they're stuck hanging around the house. Because a lot of men don't go fishing and playing golf and playing darts and go to the pub with mates once they get to a certain age, (say past 50-52.) They hang around like a bad smell, and irritate and bug their wives. Attention seeking and whiny like toddlers.

They don't just sit and chill and do their own thing. They are attention seeking, they have to let everyone know they're there, they want to talk constantly on THEIR terms - and chat over what you are watching - (but God forbid you chat over their shows or the news or sport etc,) and their presence just takes over the whole house.

No I don't hate my husband, and we do get on well mostly, we have TV shows we watch together, have fun day trips and meals out, and afternoons out, and walks in the countryside and by the beach and by the river, and we like the same types of films and music, and we have a laugh some days!!! But after 37 years together - OMG he can fucking irritate me some days! And whilst he would love nothing more than to spend every waking moment with me for the rest of our lives. I NEED time away from him/need him out of the house!

Some people may say a MAN should be as entitled to be in his own house as much as the woman, but I disagree, because women don't make everything all about them much of time, and don't dominate the entire household with their presence, and demand attention all the time.

My DH was constantly away from the house/at work/with his mates when the kids were little/school age, and I looked after them 90% of the time, but once they left home and he hit 50, he suddenly stopped going out, and just sits watching the TV half his waking hours. Apart from his 28 hours a week at work, (four 7 hour shifts,) he never leaves the house. Never goes out without me, has no mates, and has no family except me and our 2 adult DC. So YEP, sometimes I get really frustrated with him. He is more than happy for me to go out without him, and I do a lot, but he NEVER goes out without me!

I don't know HOW I am gonna cope when he retires!! Shock

Oooooh, that was quite a tasty rant! Blush 😂

Are we married to the same person?. I've had to be really explicit about cooking time being spent ALONE. However my H after years of long commutes and working away now works full time from home and so it means his heavy, intrusive, attention seeking presence is always there. As a result of lockdown the WFH hasn't been reversed and it's been extremely tough on the whole family, both kids and me have become pretty quiet and withdrawn to counterbalance his constant noise.

UnctuousUnicorns · 18/08/2023 09:38

"complete inability to whisper when arguing at 4am"

Omg that is my DH; he seems to be genetically incapable of whispering, and will speak at the exact same volume at three in the morning as in three in the afternoon. Drives me crackers. I hadn't realised that a Y chromosome prevented this particular social skill. 🤷‍♀️

user76541055773 · 18/08/2023 10:03

@PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer I hear you!

Mine has (finally) gone out cycling for the morning. It’s the only time he leaves the house without me.

I love him very much, and will start to miss him after a few hours, but dear god it is nice to have the opportunity to miss him!

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 18/08/2023 12:20

YAY. Grin Glad it's not just me! I do love him - honest!!! 😆

HE JUST MAKES ME GO LOCO SOMETIMES! 😧Angry

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 18/08/2023 12:21

Courgeon · 18/08/2023 08:15

Are we married to the same person?. I've had to be really explicit about cooking time being spent ALONE. However my H after years of long commutes and working away now works full time from home and so it means his heavy, intrusive, attention seeking presence is always there. As a result of lockdown the WFH hasn't been reversed and it's been extremely tough on the whole family, both kids and me have become pretty quiet and withdrawn to counterbalance his constant noise.

Flowers 😆

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 18/08/2023 12:22

user76541055773 · 18/08/2023 10:03

@PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer I hear you!

Mine has (finally) gone out cycling for the morning. It’s the only time he leaves the house without me.

I love him very much, and will start to miss him after a few hours, but dear god it is nice to have the opportunity to miss him!

WHY are some men like this? (Won't leave the house without us?!)

As I said, he was never around (hardly) when the kids were little/at home.

Git. 😆

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 18/08/2023 12:30

Thing is also, as I say, I practically raised our kids single handedly, as DH was always at work/out with mates/playing some sport or other. Now our kids are adults (mid 20s - 1 year apart in age,) they want to spend time with me more than him, and talk to me and message me a lot more than him, and I know way more about their lives than he does. Hilariously he's butthurt and feels left out now!

I thought 'you reap what you sow.' I was the one there for the vast VAST majority of the first 20 years of their lives - and DH was rarely around. I went to parents evening alone most of the time, I took them swimming, to the park, to tourist attractions, for walks, for picnics, to the beach, and concerts and shows, and most of their medical appointments, GP, opticians, dentists etc, whilst he hardly did anything with them because he was too busy....

He came on a FEW day trips, and we went on longer holidays all together, but 90% of the time it was just me and them! I did almost everything for them and with them... So he needn't come at me and moan that they're closer to me now!

As I say, you reap what you sow!!!

YachtMistress · 18/08/2023 13:11

Has anyone mentioned the following round after you in shops 😪like they're attached on a wee bit of elastic? Hard to suppress public outburst of rage 😱

NotSorry · 18/08/2023 13:39

Mine does sleep noises while we’re watching something. So I say “are watching this or are you asleep?”. “I’m awake” he insists. THEN STOP MAKING BLOODY SLEEP NOISES!!

He does the kitchen thing too. Wherever I am in the kitchen preparing dinner, he’ll stand about 6 inches away, watching me. I look at him and say “social distancing is still in force in this house”. Next day, it all starts again 😭 he’s 67, I’ve no chance, have I?

LBFseBrom · 18/08/2023 13:42

Tell him! Everyone, unless they have a medical condition, is capable of controlling themselves. My pet hate is loud, uncovered yawns. My lovely husband used to do that and I told him not to (it had little effect but he tried). It's just so rude.

ymemanresu · 18/08/2023 13:45

Ive got one of these too, drives me mad asxin a quiet person. He's an extrovert, do you think it's a ' extrovert' thing ?

BCBird · 18/08/2023 13:50

I live skins but know it eoukd wind me up I had to listen to this. A previous partner was lovely but he slumped food- onli on first bit but boy I could have speared him.with a fork🙈🤣